January 1, 2013

reflecting

It’s crazy to think that yet another year has come to an end. How time flies!

As I sit here reflecting on 2012 and pondering all that has happened in just one year, one word comes to mind...

Faithfulness.

God’s astonishing faithfulness.

A little over one year ago, we trekked across the country and drove into the driveway of the home we had left back in 2010.

And my heart was hardened, my attitude in need of some serious adjusting.

We walked back into the familiar home we had left just 18 months before.

And everything in me did not want to be there.

I wanted to be there.

Not here.

I wanted my close friends, fabulously humid weather, green grass, mosquitoes (because they don’t like my vegetarian blood!), scorching summers and sweaty nights (because I’m weird like that).

Over there. The place we had just left.

Not here (where summer is fleeting and flowers bloom on June 15 between noon and 4pm. Just kidding. Sort of.).

For months I struggled to find contentment. I wrestled with God—questioning, doubting, and longing for it all to be just a temporary move back to the place I did not want to live in. Like, did NOT want to live in.

How gracious and tender the Father was to me in those days.

I kicked and screamed. He drew me to Himself.

I resisted. He waited patiently.

I told Him no way. He quietly assured my heart, “Be still and know that I am God!”

It took time for me to finally come to a place of surrender. A place of dying to my fleshly desire to take matters into my own hands and find some way (any way!) to take my family back to where we had come from.

And then one day, tired of the struggle that raged within me….“Not my will, but your will be done, Lord Jesus!”

I said it.

And I meant it.

With all my heart.

I learned once again (because I'm a terribly slow learner) that amazing things happen when we give our lives completely and utterly into His capable hands. Incredible things happen when we abandon ourselves to the will of the Lord.

Glorious peace which passes all understanding becomes ours when we give ourselves, our lives, our desires, our dreams, and our will into His capable hands. Completely.

God was so faithful to meet me where I was. He took my heart that was yearning and breathed peace into those places which longed. He gave me a new perspective and supernatural contentment—for it certainly did not come from me.

As I look back on this year, I see His fingerprints—His loving hand on every decision and every move we have made.

I see His faithfulness that my heart cannot fathom.

There have been so many lessons along the way. So many trials. So many truths imbedded deeply in our hearts. So many opportunities to learn to give ourselves away a little more…

and a little more…

and a little more.

It sure has been a year of great stretching for me. Not only have I grasped true contentment at a deeper level, but it has also been a season of being both challenged and strengthened. I am not a tough person. My heart is easily broken. This has been the year that my Father has gently and lovingly taken me by the hand and constantly reminded me to only listen to ONE voice…the Voice of Truth. Nothing else. Some days I get that right, others not so much.

I am learning and growing year by year.

I am a work in progress. I am learning daily that His promises are true…I absolutely CAN do all things through HIM who gives me strength (Phil 4:13).

It has been a year of many highs and many lows; many opportunities to stand up for what is right and not back down from our convictions; times of living with very little, and seasons of abundance; pain and heartache, and joy indescribable.

And through it all...

His faithfulness.

We drink from the well of Living Water that never runs dry.

As I reflect on 2012 closing and a new year dawning, I can honestly say with all my heart that no matter what 2013 has in store for me and my family, God will never, ever let us down!

I have tasted and I have seen that the LORD was good in 2012!

Does that mean that things will be easy? No way! God never calls us to easy! He calls us to do the hard things--the things which make no sense to the world, the things which will challenge us to the point where we are hanging on for dear life…because then…then we see His faithfulness.

Then we see His glory!

I don’t want easy in 2013…I want Jesus!

To know Him more—that’s the cry of my heart.

May 2013 be the year in which God astounds each one of you with His amazing love, His steadfast faithfulness, His grace that knows no bounds, and His mercy that will catch you when you fall.

Happy New Year! Thank you for journeying with my family as each one of us presses in and presses on toward the finish line.

Show us your glory in 2013, Lord Jesus!

1 comment:

MamaV said...

Sometimes I get mixed up and want easy instead of Jesus. Thank you!