What to do?

Precious friend, we could really do with your prayers right now.

We have no idea what to do about Haven going to school. We have noticed that since she has been going, she has actually regressed! At school she REFUSES to use the potty---she will hold it in for hours. As a result she is now just pooping in her pants---every day. Even at home, she will not use the toilet to poop in. Last week it got so bad that we put diapers on her---that only made it worse as it gave her 'permission' to poop in her pants. We are back at square one with the toilet issues. You may remember that the potty has been an issue with Haven since day one. She was doing so much better with it---until this.

Do we continue to send her in the hopes that she gets over her fear of the school toilet---or is home the best place for her right now? If she comes home she looses all the therapy she is getting at school (which is the ONLY reason she is there). Is it all a little too much, too soon for her? Uuuggg, I don't know.

Praise God we have this week off school---it gives us some time to prayerfully consider what the right thing to do is.

Reflecting on 2008

Can you all believe that we are nearing the end of 2008? To me, it feels like this year has flown by.

Our year began with our first full winter in Colorado. We live in the mountains, at an elevation of 8500 feet. We get a lot of snow. By March I thought I was going to die! I felt as though the Lord had moved us to an icebox :) I thought the cold would never end. This girl from the Southern Hemisphere is NOT used to this kind of cold weather.

As the year progressed, so did our fundraising efforts for Haven's adoption. When we agreed to adopt Haven we had NO savings---nothing! As a one income family, we pretty much live month to month, trusting God to take care of our needs. We went into the adoption trusting God with all our hearts---that He would provide every dollar we needed to bring home a little girl who so desperately needed a home. My goodness, did God provide! Every bill we had to pay was taken care of---many people who we have never even met opened their hearts to help us bring Haven home. In the end the Lord provided over $30 000! Just incredible. What an amazing journey of stepping out and trusting God for what He had told us to do. When I think about His amazing provision, well, there are no words. He is amazing and His love for orphans reaches higher than the heavens.

By the time May arrived I was VERY ready to defrost. During the summer months I was more like a reptile---soaking up EVERY minute of sunshine I possibly could :) I am happy to add that this winter has been entirely different---God really had to do a work in my heart. I guess it all comes down to attitude. I am learning to have a good attitude about cold weather, which is huge for me. I am learning to bloom where He has planted us. I'm just praying our next stop is NOT Alaska :)

We have been stretched and challenged in so many areas of our lives this year. My sweet husband has really journeyed to find his 'place' in ministry in the USA. Having been missionaries for so many years, it has been quite an adjustment settling in one place. Through many challenges and changes he is loving serving as a Chaplain again. I am so proud of him---choosing to fulfill the CALL on his life and NOT being swayed by jobs that would pay more! Choosing to serve God with his whole heart, even when it seems crazy. Choosing to TRUST God as the ONLY source of our families income. How blessed I am to be married to a man who trusts God with his entire being.

Haven's addition into our family this year has been incredible. Yes, the journey continues to be filled with highs and lows. But, it is all so worth it. I look at this sweet child and yes, she does now have hope and a future. But you know, the greatest blessing in her adoption is probably not for HER, but for US. Haven has taught us all so much. My children are learning how to love another human being when the circumstances are difficult. They are learning unconditional love. As a family, we are all learning how to GIVE---even when we don't feel like it, even when we never see any gratitude at all, even when we never hear a thank you! We are learning how to pour ourselves out for this little girl. Yes, Haven is blessed to have a family---but the Lord knew that we needed her more than she needed us. What a joy it is to be the hands and feet of Jesus to a child. We have no idea what 2009 has in store for Haven---but we do know that with God by our sides, it is going to be GOOD!

Our children have all blossomed and grown this year. Homeschooling them has been one of my greatest joys. Having the privilege of seeing them learn and discover new things daily has been one of the highlights of my year. I am so grateful for the opportunity to keep them home with me.

The Lord has been good to us in 2008. He has been our strength and our song. He has provided in ways we never imagined. He has called us into a deeper relationship with HIM. He has done so much in our hearts---to be carried over to 2009. I will share more of that in the next few days.

As 2008 comes to a close I am so thankful for all His amazing blessings this year. Yes, in many ways it has been a challenging year. But what a blessing to know that we are strengthened by going through trials, that God uses each one of them for our GOOD! He never said the journey in life would be easy, but He did say He would be with us every step of the way---that is where my comfort lies.

BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!!!!

A Blessed time

Praying that you had a blessed Christmas. Our morning began with our kids reading a note from their favorite yearly visitor, Hubert. Every Christmas Eve, when all the kids are in bed, we wrap the presents and put them under the tree. Then Anthony takes a picture and Photoshops Hubert into the picture. We print it out and leave it next to the presents with a note from Hubert for the kids to read in the morning. The little ones LOVE seeing that Hubert the elf came with Santa :).




So stylish---this is how you wear just about everything you got for Christmas!



Our children were exceedingly, abundantly blessed! I could not hold back the tears as they opened present after present, seeing the joy on their faces. What a beautiful reminder of how God just LOVES to spoil His children, how He loves to bless us with every good gift.





Haven's first Christmas. A little overwhelming, but at least no tears. She just took it all in from a distance.



Happy Birthday to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords---thank you that you came to give us the ULTIMATE GIFT!

From our home to yours

As I ponder the birth of our Savior this Christmas, I am so overwhelmed by the LOVE that Jesus has for each one of us. I mean EXTRAVAGANT LOVE. Love that my human mind cannot fathom. How high, how wide and how deep is His love for each and every one of us.

Merry Christmas, precious friends and family. Praying that your homes are filled with His JOY this season. May the Kings of Kings be the reason for the season.

Happy Birthday, precious Jesus!

Pics from around our home this Christmas. We are so blessed to have our childrens' Godfather, Nick, with us. What joy it is to be able to have family here.

Provision

You know, sometimes I just don't "get it" very quickly. I think the Lord has to be extra patient in getting things through to me.

It has become a pattern with me---at this time every year I stress about Christmas. "How on earth are we going to be able to afford Christmas this year, Lord?", "How are we going to be able to buy our children gifts?". The Father hears the same thing from me every year. I can just imagine how He must laugh at me. EVERY year God provides, exceedingly, abundantly more than I can ever imagine.

This year has been no exception. My goodness, God has been amazing. He has provided and blessed us more than words can say. He has spoiled my children! I am so in awe of His amazing provision in our lives. I forget about it---no actually, truth be told, I take it for granted! So often I get so wrapped up in the stress of not having, that I take my eyes of the ONE who has NEVER let my family down---EVER!

Oh Gosh, I still have so much to learn. I still have so many flesh issues that I need to die to. I guess I am a slow learner---I am so grateful that God is so patient with me.

This Christmas I am so grateful. My heart is so full of gratitude. God is so amazing. It is so easy to get caught up in the "commercial" side of Christmas. I try hard not to, but it is hard. This Christmas I am choosing to focus on the greatest gift of all---His name is JESUS! Whether you have had a lean year in every way, or a year full of abundance---join with me in remembering that Jesus is MORE THAN ENOUGH. He has given each of us so much more than we ever deserved. What a faithful, amazing God we serve.

I hope your home is filled with His joy this Christmas. Thank you for blessing my life and for sharing life with me. Thank you precious friends who God used to bless the Salem family this Christmas---we appreciate it so much!

Christmas fun

Christmas has got to be my best time of year. I am even getting used to snow at Christmas! Where I am from Christmas means boiling hot days, usually a lunch outside and a swim in the pool. Not here! It's snow all the way.

My friend, Elizabeth, sent our kids the coolest craft thingy---popcorn balls to decorate with more candy than any kid can accumulate at Halloween. Fun! The kids had a ball---excuse the pun :)

Thanks E!

A little update

Thank you precious friends for all the inquiries about how Haven is doing at school. I appreciate your care and concern more than you will ever know.

Well, we are almost two weeks into school. The first week was hard for her. New people, different faces, different things, new routine...you get the picture. It was A LOT for this little 8 year old to take in. Every day we had tears at school. The main problem comes in when she has to change environment---go from one classroom to another, or onto the playground (which to her is like a war zone). Toward the end of last week things got a little better. She seemed to be adjusting a little more. Today there were no tears at all---Praise God!

We are just taking one step at a time. Is she in the right place? You know, honestly, I just don't know. Some days I think yes, and then other days I think no way. I know---I am one seriously confused chick :) Right now I just don't know what the right thing is. I am so grateful for all the speech therapy she IS getting at school. They are working with her daily---that is a HUGE blessing.

The very GOOD news is that Haven qualifies for Medicaid (free health insurance for my SA family and friends). Anthony had a meeting last Friday and was told that because of Haven's needs she qualifies immediately---there is usually a five year wait list! That means that every therapy, doctors appointment or dentist appointment that she needs will be taken care of for life. Unbelievable. We are waiting for a doctors appointment where she will be 'officially' diagnosed. Goodness---I still don't know how I feel about that.

So, once Medicaid kicks in, we will have so many more options to choose from when it comes to Haven receiving intervention services. Therapists will come and work with her in our home, and they will work with the whole family to assist us in helping Haven. Such a HUGE blessing.

Phew---what a journey. Some days I feel like the road before us is a mountain to climb. I get discouraged every once in a while, after three months I was so hoping that Haven would be at least saying some words. Just being honest here! Every now and then we can get her to imitate a word we say, but it is very rare. I know, I know---three months is not a long time. We have eight years of abuse to undo---it is going to take years. Some days are good, others are not so good. It really is hit and miss. The littlest things upset her, and we can tell when she has flashbacks from her past---there is absolute terror in her eyes. It is painful to see.

My new motto in life has become "one day at a time" :) I am learning NOT to have expectations, about anything---but just to lean on my Savior DAILY. I am learning NOT to plan my life for the next five years (which is HUGE for me) and just take it one baby step at a time. Three months ago, if I could, I would have had a detailed outline for the next ten years of my life etched in stone! It has taken the Lord giving us Haven to show me that that is NOT how The Father wants us to live. Mmmmm, does it not say in His Word that even tomorrow is NOT my concern? I think I erased that verse in my bible :). Through this precious child He has taught me so much about myself. I am learning complete and utter dependence on God in a situation that is sooooo absolutely out of my control. I guess the control freak in me is finally being crucified :) Dang! It hurts like heck.

Are my hands full?

So I'm wondering about something---maybe you friends and lurkers can help me out a little. When in the world did having children ever become such a burden in society? I mean honestly. I recently read a book that said in a church service if an adult is coughing loudly or making some other noise, it is perfectly acceptable. BUT, should a baby or small child be "disruptive" it is considered rude, and very often the parents are asked to take the child out of the service. Did Jesus not say "let the LITTLE CHILDREN come to Me?" I'm confused.

Now, I know that I may look a little strange. We live in a small town and don't really have any helpers around to take care of my brood when I need to run an errand. So, every time grocery shopping needs to be done (which is at least 4 times a week), I have no choice but to take my kids with me. I usually get one of those HUGE Walmart carts---the one with the extra seats. The greeters at the door actually know me now---they see me coming and head to the back of the cart-storage area and get MY cart. I can fit AT LEAST 3-4 kids in that thing. Okay, so they probably sit in it for all of five minutes, but at least we start out well. Halfway through the shopping trip no one is sitting in it and I end up having to navigate that bus around the store :) But oh well.

So, we head around Walmart and get the things we need. I'm not kidding, at least 5 times someone will comment on how I have "my hands full". Actually, most of the time they don't even have to say a word---I have come to know "the look" I get---you know, the one that says, "Shame...that poor woman" without even saying a word :) What in the world! Do people honestly think that I am completely miserable because we have CHOSEN to have a few more children than the average family size? Our family is not even THAT big. Yesterday Connor, our 9 year old, said "mom, why does everyone say that?" Good point son.

(Now, let me say that I know that people mean well, and I know their comments are said just to be nice, most of the time.)

It just gets me thinking---why does society see children as "hard work". For me, children are the greatest blessing that God could ever have given Anthony and I. I just cannot imagine my life any other way than it is right now. I feel like I am living out my calling in this life---to be the mother to many children. Have I always been this way---NO WAY! I never imagined I would have more than two children. When Connor was born I started counting down the days to when I could put him in school so that I could have my "life" back. Then God changed my heart.

How can we ever say NO to the Lord if He wants to add a child to our family? How can we ever say, "Sorry Lord, my hands are too full already God", or "Give the child to someone else God, I am just too busy right now". How could we ever turn away God's good gifts? I read of a family adopting a 15 year old Russian boy. The family already has 8 children. The Russian boy (who is with the family on a Medical Visa) asked the Dad why he would want another son when he already had 8 other children. The dad's answer was beautiful, he said "if you already have a lot of gold and someone comes to you and offers you more gold, would you turn it down and say no thanks?" Children are the Father's gold---how can we ever turn His good gifts away?

As God has added children to our family and given us a heart for adoption, we have come to realize that adoption for us is so much more than just adding another child to our family. Yes, having the new child is such a blessing. But, knowing that the child will hear the Word of God and someday come to know Him personally is so absolutely rewarding. It has been such an amazing journey. Knowing that the children we have raised will, someday, go out into the world and be ambassadors for Christ is what having children is all about for me. I have them for such a short time, then they will be gone! I hate the thought.

Are my hands full? Yes---but full of God's beautiful and amazing gifts. Would I ever turn away God's gold? Never. I guess we'll just have to get used to the comments.

The little guy

Haven's transition into our family has been nothing short of miraculous. She has adjusted so wonderfully, as have our other kids. All except one, that is. During our post placement report last week the Social Worker asked us what the hardest thing has been in bringing Haven home. "Cade", we both said. You see, our little guy is really struggling. We have no doubt that he loves his new sister, this is just hard for him. He is so accustomed to being the baby of the family. Now, he has a little competition. Even though Haven is double his age, she is sooooo much younger developmentally. She is just like a very young toddler. How has Cade handled this? He has become JUST like her, he has taken on ALL of Haven's mannerisms. Some days he can go through most of the day without saying a single word---just making babbling baby sounds like she does. He walks around the house acting just like Haven. Most days we deal with two non-verbal children around here.

Tonight we were sitting at the dinner table, Cade looked at Anthony and I and said "why is Haven staying here such a long time?" Yes, we all cracked up laughing. I guess somewhere deep down he loves his new sister---but most of the time he probably wonders when she will be heading back to China :) Oh, the joys.

We do know that Cade will eventually grow weary of being like Haven, like everything else, it is just going to take time. We take things one day at a time around here---I guess that is exactly the way the Lord wants it.

Blow Haven blow

Remember the little girl who could not blow out her birthday candles about two months ago? Well---look at her now. She is finally getting the blowing thing down. So much fun. Another little victory!

Ups and downs

Haven's first few days at school have been filled with ups and downs. This is such a huge adjustment for her---everything is strange and new. There are things that she is struggling with. The playground is the most intimidating place. She is completely overwhelmed by it. The teacher has agreed to just keep her in the classroom during recess, at this stage the playground scares the dickens out of her. She WILL NOT use the potty in the classroom, which could be a bit of a problem if we increase the time she spends at school.

She is so behind the other children developmentally---someone recommended preschool for her. That is not really an option as Hannah-Claire cannot go with her to preschool. Right now it is very important for Haven to have her sister with her. My heart aches for Haven, she is like a fish out of water in the classroom. I know it is going to take time. It just breaks my mommy heart.

The teacher has been wonderful. BUT, this is a mainstream Kindergarten class, not special ed. The teacher is not trained in special ed. Does she know how to meet Haven's needs? I don't know. I guess only time will tell.

On a positive note---Anthony and I have been researching an option to get Haven ALL the services she needs for FREE, at home! After some phone calls it looks as if we qualify. Anthony has a meeting next week to get more details. What a blessing that would be. We are really trusting it works out. Either Haven could continue with school and get EXTRA therapy at home or, if school does not work out for her, she would still get the services she needs at home. This way we would have more options.

We are almost at our three month anniversary of having Haven. In many ways she has astounded us in the things that she has learned. But, the reality is that something is not right. It could be any of a handful of "conditions". I know that we are going to have to have her evaluated, I know that we are going to HAVE to have answers---that will help in knowing how to help her. Autism? I have asked the teachers at the school if they see it. Some do, some don't. Some days we see Autistic-like behavior, other days we think no way! I must say, it is a little unsettling not knowing exactly what is going on in Haven's brain. Some days I just want answers, other days I just want to wait---maybe once she has a "label" it will seem too permanent.

For now, we will just continue to take one day at a time with Haven....trusting God for the grace and wisdom we need for each day. I look at her and am so grateful that God chose us to be her parents. He never said the journey would be easy, for any of us. But, He did say that tomorrow is not our concern, He is already there. That is where my peace lies!

Day one at school

Well, I survived! I feel like I have been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster today. Dropping the girls off at school this morning was so hard. I know, I know---let go mommy! I was comforted when we got to school---the girls teacher and Haven's Speech Therapist were waiting for us in the classroom. They were so welcoming and so loving. Just what my heart needed. I left them there feeling like my heart was in my throat.

When we got back to pick them up a couple of hours later...wow, the Speech Therapist was waiting for me, with the biggest grin on her face. She was so excited. She had spent about an hour with Haven this morning. She had managed to get Haven to actually make sounds that sounded like words, if that makes sense. She said Haven made "sounds" about 90% of the time. Her response to me? "This child is NOT non-verbal", "This child CAN and WILL speak". Oh my goodness, that was enough to bring on the tears. I felt like I had just been given the best early Christmas present ever. Brenda (the therapist) is so confident that Haven is GOING to speak--it is just going to take time. Wow! Hallelujah!!!!!!! There is such HOPE in those words--knowing that my little girl, who has never spoken in her 8 years, is GOING to speak. Actually, we have never doubted, but it is so amazing to hear it from a professional. There is such HOPE in knowing that God is going to take her broken little life and turn it into something that is so beautiful for HIM! We have begun to see it already--this little girl, abandoned in China twice, labeled as a "mentally disabled person" is going to someday sing the praises of Him who rescued her---so loud and so audibly! I can hardly wait.

So, my heart is at peace tonight. I know that we have done the right thing for Haven. I know that she is where she is meant to be, getting the help that she needs. I am so thankful that God has provided a way, not the way I originally wanted, but a better way. Sometimes I can be so stubborn, but He does eventually get through to me---it just takes a while :)

On another note, we had our first post placement report done for Haven's adoption today. It went well---one down, two more to go!

Me and my sweeties before their big day

Change all around

According to my husband, things never really stay the same around here for very long. He is probably right---I love change. If things can change, they probably will. Although, I am quick to remind him that I have ACTUALLY had blond hair for over a year now---quite a record I tell you. So, a new bog layout is just one of the many things I CAN change :) FUN!

Other things are also changing around here, some of them a little harder for me to adjust too. My meeting at the school yesterday was good (I think). I spent an hour with the staff---talking about Haven, laying all my cares and concerns about enrolling her in school on the table and listening to what they had to say. I must admit, they are very nice and seemed genuinely concerned about our daughter. There seemed to be a real excitement in the room at the possibility of helping Haven learn and develop.

I sat there asking the Lord to give me a reason, any reason, why we should NOT enroll her. Why it would be the worst thing we could possibly do to her. "Show me that I'm right, Lord---confirm in my heart why this is a bad idea". So pathetic! Oh my goodness, I was looking for signs all over the place---any reason why I should walk away and shut that door behind me. Just keep Haven home with me. But, there was nothing! No restlessness in my heart, no bad feelings or desire to walk away from the whole idea. I realized that God may be giving us a different way to help Haven, that homeschooling her (at least in this season) is perhaps not the best thing for her. Perhaps I am just not equipped to help her with the therapy that she so desperately needs.

So friends, after much prayer and seeking God, we have decided to enroll Haven and Hannah-Claire in Kindergarten. They will go half days (at least for the first few months). What the school is offering Haven is actually amazing. She will have Speech Therapy and ESL every day. In addition they are going to give her very regular Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy (she has very low muscle tone). We cannot beat that. There is nowhere else that she is going to get that kind of help. I am thankful that the class is kind of small, only 16 children in it. And, her sister will be right there with her. Hannah-Claire loves to tattle, so if anything happens---I KNOW my little tattler will tell me all about it. I have a little spy in the classroom :)

This is hard for me. Having homeschooled my kids for almost five years now, it is hard for me to "let go" and let someone else have my children. Crazy, I know. I guess there are times when one size does not fit all, times when things have to be adjusted and new methods have to be brought in. This is one of those times for me, it is a time of allowing my God to do what He needs to do, and give Him the freedom to do it the way He chooses.

Tomorrow morning the girls will go and spend a couple of hours at school. I know they will be just fine. Me? Well, lets just say that some changes are easier to deal with than others.