Better late than never, hey? Thursday came and went way too quickly for my liking. How I wish time would just slow down.
So much to be thankful for---my heart is overflowing with gratitude. New seasons, new challenges and so much to look forward to. God is doing amazing things in my heart---stretching me, challenging me, increasing my desire for more of Him, increasing my passions for the things He has put on my heart---so much stirring in me.
Time to pause and be thankful---
I'm walking in His peace---that feeling of knowing that no matter what life throws my way, it is well with my soul! My peace comes from the One who holds my life in the palm of His hands, the One who longs to know me intimately. He is my peace.
The joy of laughter---sweet laughter that begins to hurt when you do it for such a long time. What a precious time we had with friends last night. I literally had a pain in my chest from laughing. How the Father must smile when His children laugh and enjoy sweet fellowship. I'm sure it must be music to His ears.
My joy---comes from choosing to live each day enjoying the blessings He has given me. Every single one of them. I will not allow the enemy to steal my joy, I absolutely will not! I am being intentional---learning to focus on the joys, not the hard times, not the hurts and not the disappointments. How He has blessed me with His good and pleasing gifts. What did I ever do to deserve them? Only by His amazing grace.
I am so thankful for contentment---learning to never seek more than He has given me, but being content with what I have. Such a hard lesson, one I fail (horribly) in so often. The desire of my heart is that Jesus will always be more than enough for me.
The beauty of prayer---how beautiful to know that we do not pray to a statue or an idol---no, every prayer that comes out of my mouth goes straight to the heart of the living God. How thankful I am that He knows me, and wants to know me more. There can be nothing sweeter than knowing that He longs to spend time with His daughter, sharing His heart with me, as I share mine with Him. How blessed I am.
The gift of silence---(not that I have too much of that around here) Sitting in the early hours of the morning and enjoying the silence before the craziness. How wonderful it is to sit with my Daddy in the quiet of the day. What a precious gift.
His spectacular creation ---we must live in one of the most beautiful parts of the country. Stunning mountains, gorgeous trees and wide open spaces. Some days I look around and it almost takes my breath away. To think that He did it ALL for us! What a beautiful artist our Father is---what amazing lengths He went to to ensure that what He created was beautiful, all because He loves us. He absolutely does all things VERY well.
The joy of relationships---some come and go, but the blessing of kindred hearts is such a gift. I have many of them, most spread out around the world. Time and distance will never come between us---they are relationships orchestrated by the hand of the Father. I am so thankful for these precious women---who stick by me through thick and thin, who stand on the sidelines and cheer me on, no matter where God takes me. They know the God in me. They have shown me the joy of knowing unconditional love.
The gift of forever love---that I feel from my dearest husband. The one chosen for me, the one for life! How blessed I am to have this man---the one who I dream with, laugh with, cry with and share with. The one who knows me best---even without me having to say a word. I am so thankful.
There simply are no words to express my gratitude to my Father, who has blessed me with all of these.
February 27, 2009
February 25, 2009
Urgent Prayer Request
You may remember I posted about our friends, the Lyons, who's son is battling cancer here. Oh friends, my heart is so heavy for them today. Last night Ian started having seizures. He was rushed to hospital and is now non-responsive. As I write, tests are being done to determine the cause of the seizures---either the cancer has really grown in his brain, or the treatment is working. It could one of the two!
Can you imagine your 13 year old boy going through this? My heart just cannot comprehend. This family loves God with all their hearts. No matter what the outcome of this, they trust their Father in heaven who knows what is best for them, and for their precious son.
And so we wait and we pray! Trusting God that this is temporary and that Ian will wake up really soon. They need a miracle from the Almighty---it is their only hope today. Would you pray with me? There is such power in prayer. I know that if I were in their situation, I would be so comforted to know that the multitudes were praying---we can do the same for the Lyons family. I know that God hears very single prayer that goes out for this boy.
You can visit their website here. Thank you bloggy friends, I appreciate your prayers so much. How wonderful that we can call on the glorious Body of Christ when there is a need.
Can you imagine your 13 year old boy going through this? My heart just cannot comprehend. This family loves God with all their hearts. No matter what the outcome of this, they trust their Father in heaven who knows what is best for them, and for their precious son.
And so we wait and we pray! Trusting God that this is temporary and that Ian will wake up really soon. They need a miracle from the Almighty---it is their only hope today. Would you pray with me? There is such power in prayer. I know that if I were in their situation, I would be so comforted to know that the multitudes were praying---we can do the same for the Lyons family. I know that God hears very single prayer that goes out for this boy.
You can visit their website here. Thank you bloggy friends, I appreciate your prayers so much. How wonderful that we can call on the glorious Body of Christ when there is a need.
February 23, 2009
Disclosure!
I’ll be honest---this post has taken me a very long time to post. Some things are just hard to share. I have gone around in circles over it----should I, or shouldn’t I? But God keeps nudging me, calling me to abandon myself completely---so here goes...
The journey began four years ago. After our third son was born we felt God calling us to adopt a child, not just any adoption---He was very specific that it had to be a child with special needs. We did not even know what that meant, we had never heard of 'special needs adoptions', so we started doing our research.
We soon learned that 'special needs' could be anything from a missing finger to serious retardation. Upon signing up with an agency we had to fill out a questionnaire stating which needs we would be open to. We felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit, telling us to leave the details to Him, He had already chosen our child. We checked off every single need on the questionnaire, telling the agency we were open to anything God had for us. Scary!
About a month after handing all of our paperwork into the agency, we received a call from our coordinator. She wanted to know whether we had prayerfully considered adopting a child with [blank] special need. We were so clueless as to what it actually was. We once again started researching----what was this? How would it affect the child? If we adopted a child with [blank], how would it affect our other children? Throughout my research I came across the same opinion every single time---the resounding opinion from those who had adopted children with this special need----“Do not tell anyone about it! Keep it to yourself. If you do adopt this child, let this be your little family secret.” It seemed that everyone who had adopted a child with this special need did the exact same thing---they totally kept it to themselves. Okay then, surely they must know what they're talking about, or so we thought.
As I learned about [blank] and we educated ourselves we knew one thing for sure---if God was in it, we could do anything. We had absolute peace in our hearts that if that was what God had chosen for us, we COULD do all things through Him who enabled us. I told the agency no problem, we would be very open to it!
A couple of weeks later we received a referral----the sweetest, most angelic little girl. Yes, she had the special need. The one no one was ever to find out about (other than doctors). In March 2006 we traveled to China and adopted our first princess---such joy.
But God was not done with us yet. Many of you have read Haven’s testimony here. You know how God miraculously brought her into our lives. Many of you have journeyed with us as we have learned to parent this child who is developmentally at the level of a 17 month old (she is 8), and is completely non-verbal. But what you do not know is that our precious Haven has another special need----yes, the same as her sister. We now have two amazing children who share something in common (other than their adoptive family). These two girls share a special need seldom spoken about, a need most prefer to ‘keep as a family secret’.
So, we took the advice from many and did just that---for a while. That is, until God started calling us to truly live out loud for Him. You see, we can no longer stay silent. We can no longer live our lives terrified that someone may just find out about our daughters. We can no longer live our lives in fear that our precious daughters may be discriminated against. We can no longer live that way----God is calling us to take a different road---one that is daunting and scary. The road less traveled, if you will.
The truth is that both of our daughters are carriers of the Hepatitis B virus. Both of them were infected by their mothers. It’s true, when we got that first call asking us if we would be open to a child with Hep B we were so clueless, we had no idea what it even was. We did a huge amount of researching. Every single bit of research that we did left us with the same conclusion---that it would be manageable and very do-able for our family.
What about our other children (or those who play with our girls)? Well, it is so simple---Hepatitis can ONLY be contracted sexually, or through the blood. Sex---well that is not even a consideration. The blood? I don’t know about you, but I sure do not know of ANY children who play with each others blood! And, thanks to the vaccine, it is not passed on from one child to another anyway. So, that pretty much takes care of that.
So, why am I saying all this now? Well, there are few reasons. One of the main reasons is because of where the Father is leading us---calling us to bring things hidden into the light. I believe with all my heart that God desires for us not to keep things hidden in darkness, but rather to bring everything into the light. And the second? There are so many children with this need waiting for their families. Fear (and ignorance) stops many from wanting to take them in. We were completely ignorant too. I see countless waiting children with the need next to their name listed as “hep B+”. I LONG to see more families do their research, more families willing to open their hearts to these hard-to-place children. The truth is that our girls are extremely healthy, so much more so than our bio boys. These girls have immune systems of steel. They are amazing.
It hit me like a ton of bricks---often things that are ‘hidden’ in secret places cause so much shame! I NEVER want my daughters to feel shame because of what they live with. I want them to walk with their heads held high, certain of who they are in Christ and confident that He is more than enough for them. By disclosing I can, hopefully, model for them the way that they should handle it later in their lives. There will be NO shame, there will be NO discrimination---there will only be unconditional love. They will be raised being assured of this---that when God knit them in their mother's wombs, He did it perfectly!
I am so glad that we took a chance with something that we knew very little about. I am so glad that we trusted God to lead us to the children that He had already chosen for us. It has been such a joy to parent these two girls, and the journey has just begun. Their Hep B? Honestly, we don’t even think about it. We have to actually remind ourselves to get their routine blood work done once a year. It is that easy.
Am I afraid about what people may say or think after I pluck up enough courage to post this? Truthfully---I never want my children to be discriminated against, that would absolutely break my heart. But, this is just another thing I have to trust my Big God in. For me, it all comes down to one thing---if people know the truth about our children, and they choose NOT to be our friends, well, then they probably were not the kind of friends who I would have chosen for my girls in the first place. If my girls cannot be loved and accepted unconditionally, then it is not good enough for this Mommy either. Period!
Are the consequences of this decision to disclose going to affect my daughters? You know, most probably yes. How do I know? Because we live in a fallen world. They will have to deal with this, as well as a bunch of other things that come their way. There are mean people everywhere. Just as we will try to prepare them for racist comments that may (or may not) come their way, so we will prepare them in how to handle comments about their health. We will go to the ends of the earth to equip them and prepare them for the real world. Having supportive friends and family around them is a gift we can give them.
How blessed we are to be chosen by the Almighty to raise these two precious children for Him. They're just on loan to us. We're the keeper of His blessings. I am so grateful that He chose to make them just the way they are---perfect in every way!
There are no unwanted children---only un-found parents.
The journey began four years ago. After our third son was born we felt God calling us to adopt a child, not just any adoption---He was very specific that it had to be a child with special needs. We did not even know what that meant, we had never heard of 'special needs adoptions', so we started doing our research.
We soon learned that 'special needs' could be anything from a missing finger to serious retardation. Upon signing up with an agency we had to fill out a questionnaire stating which needs we would be open to. We felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit, telling us to leave the details to Him, He had already chosen our child. We checked off every single need on the questionnaire, telling the agency we were open to anything God had for us. Scary!
About a month after handing all of our paperwork into the agency, we received a call from our coordinator. She wanted to know whether we had prayerfully considered adopting a child with [blank] special need. We were so clueless as to what it actually was. We once again started researching----what was this? How would it affect the child? If we adopted a child with [blank], how would it affect our other children? Throughout my research I came across the same opinion every single time---the resounding opinion from those who had adopted children with this special need----“Do not tell anyone about it! Keep it to yourself. If you do adopt this child, let this be your little family secret.” It seemed that everyone who had adopted a child with this special need did the exact same thing---they totally kept it to themselves. Okay then, surely they must know what they're talking about, or so we thought.
As I learned about [blank] and we educated ourselves we knew one thing for sure---if God was in it, we could do anything. We had absolute peace in our hearts that if that was what God had chosen for us, we COULD do all things through Him who enabled us. I told the agency no problem, we would be very open to it!
A couple of weeks later we received a referral----the sweetest, most angelic little girl. Yes, she had the special need. The one no one was ever to find out about (other than doctors). In March 2006 we traveled to China and adopted our first princess---such joy.
But God was not done with us yet. Many of you have read Haven’s testimony here. You know how God miraculously brought her into our lives. Many of you have journeyed with us as we have learned to parent this child who is developmentally at the level of a 17 month old (she is 8), and is completely non-verbal. But what you do not know is that our precious Haven has another special need----yes, the same as her sister. We now have two amazing children who share something in common (other than their adoptive family). These two girls share a special need seldom spoken about, a need most prefer to ‘keep as a family secret’.
So, we took the advice from many and did just that---for a while. That is, until God started calling us to truly live out loud for Him. You see, we can no longer stay silent. We can no longer live our lives terrified that someone may just find out about our daughters. We can no longer live our lives in fear that our precious daughters may be discriminated against. We can no longer live that way----God is calling us to take a different road---one that is daunting and scary. The road less traveled, if you will.
The truth is that both of our daughters are carriers of the Hepatitis B virus. Both of them were infected by their mothers. It’s true, when we got that first call asking us if we would be open to a child with Hep B we were so clueless, we had no idea what it even was. We did a huge amount of researching. Every single bit of research that we did left us with the same conclusion---that it would be manageable and very do-able for our family.
What about our other children (or those who play with our girls)? Well, it is so simple---Hepatitis can ONLY be contracted sexually, or through the blood. Sex---well that is not even a consideration. The blood? I don’t know about you, but I sure do not know of ANY children who play with each others blood! And, thanks to the vaccine, it is not passed on from one child to another anyway. So, that pretty much takes care of that.
So, why am I saying all this now? Well, there are few reasons. One of the main reasons is because of where the Father is leading us---calling us to bring things hidden into the light. I believe with all my heart that God desires for us not to keep things hidden in darkness, but rather to bring everything into the light. And the second? There are so many children with this need waiting for their families. Fear (and ignorance) stops many from wanting to take them in. We were completely ignorant too. I see countless waiting children with the need next to their name listed as “hep B+”. I LONG to see more families do their research, more families willing to open their hearts to these hard-to-place children. The truth is that our girls are extremely healthy, so much more so than our bio boys. These girls have immune systems of steel. They are amazing.
It hit me like a ton of bricks---often things that are ‘hidden’ in secret places cause so much shame! I NEVER want my daughters to feel shame because of what they live with. I want them to walk with their heads held high, certain of who they are in Christ and confident that He is more than enough for them. By disclosing I can, hopefully, model for them the way that they should handle it later in their lives. There will be NO shame, there will be NO discrimination---there will only be unconditional love. They will be raised being assured of this---that when God knit them in their mother's wombs, He did it perfectly!
I am so glad that we took a chance with something that we knew very little about. I am so glad that we trusted God to lead us to the children that He had already chosen for us. It has been such a joy to parent these two girls, and the journey has just begun. Their Hep B? Honestly, we don’t even think about it. We have to actually remind ourselves to get their routine blood work done once a year. It is that easy.
Am I afraid about what people may say or think after I pluck up enough courage to post this? Truthfully---I never want my children to be discriminated against, that would absolutely break my heart. But, this is just another thing I have to trust my Big God in. For me, it all comes down to one thing---if people know the truth about our children, and they choose NOT to be our friends, well, then they probably were not the kind of friends who I would have chosen for my girls in the first place. If my girls cannot be loved and accepted unconditionally, then it is not good enough for this Mommy either. Period!
Are the consequences of this decision to disclose going to affect my daughters? You know, most probably yes. How do I know? Because we live in a fallen world. They will have to deal with this, as well as a bunch of other things that come their way. There are mean people everywhere. Just as we will try to prepare them for racist comments that may (or may not) come their way, so we will prepare them in how to handle comments about their health. We will go to the ends of the earth to equip them and prepare them for the real world. Having supportive friends and family around them is a gift we can give them.
How blessed we are to be chosen by the Almighty to raise these two precious children for Him. They're just on loan to us. We're the keeper of His blessings. I am so grateful that He chose to make them just the way they are---perfect in every way!
There are no unwanted children---only un-found parents.
February 21, 2009
A Special Kind of Love
How many of you amazing moms parent children with special needs? By special needs, I mean any need---ADD, ADHD, diabetes, Cleft lip and palate, limb differences, behavioral issues, dyslexia, autism, learning disabilities...you name it.
If you do---we are in the same boat. God has called you and I to walk the same journey of unknowns, of day to day challenges and of never knowing what each day is going to bring. Navigating life with a child/children with needs certainly can be challenging. If you're like me---I have days when I truly feel like I am swimming against the tide. I have days when I wonder if anyone can truly understand the journey God has me on in parenting my children (yes, I have two with special needs). I have my days when I long for encouragement---someone to say, "I understand".
I recently came across a book which has been such an amazing encouragement to me. The book is filled with real stories from moms just like me---they have walked the road that I am on. They share their hearts and their stories. It was like water to my soul. I can highly recommend this book for any of you who just need someone to identify with your struggles, someone to say, "I understand".
And then for those of you feeling the Father tugging at your heart---calling you to take in one of His precious children with special needs. For those of you feeling the pull toward adoption or foster care---this book is for you too. Allow God to speak to your heart as you read about the amazing journey others have taken. Allow Him, through the pages of this book, to inspire you to take the leap of faith He is calling you to do. It is so worth it!
The book is called A special Kind of Love. I can highly recommend it.
(This book is not an adoption only book---it is about real families sharing their incredible testimonies)
If you do---we are in the same boat. God has called you and I to walk the same journey of unknowns, of day to day challenges and of never knowing what each day is going to bring. Navigating life with a child/children with needs certainly can be challenging. If you're like me---I have days when I truly feel like I am swimming against the tide. I have days when I wonder if anyone can truly understand the journey God has me on in parenting my children (yes, I have two with special needs). I have my days when I long for encouragement---someone to say, "I understand".
I recently came across a book which has been such an amazing encouragement to me. The book is filled with real stories from moms just like me---they have walked the road that I am on. They share their hearts and their stories. It was like water to my soul. I can highly recommend this book for any of you who just need someone to identify with your struggles, someone to say, "I understand".
And then for those of you feeling the Father tugging at your heart---calling you to take in one of His precious children with special needs. For those of you feeling the pull toward adoption or foster care---this book is for you too. Allow God to speak to your heart as you read about the amazing journey others have taken. Allow Him, through the pages of this book, to inspire you to take the leap of faith He is calling you to do. It is so worth it!
The book is called A special Kind of Love. I can highly recommend it.
(This book is not an adoption only book---it is about real families sharing their incredible testimonies)
February 20, 2009
Less of Me
Every now and then I read something that kicks me in the bee-hind, stirs my heart and brings me to my knees. This week my bloggy friend Sarah posted a quote on her blog. Goodness---it hit the spot with me---that place that only God can move me.
Sometimes I'd like to ask God why he allows poverty, famine and injustice when He could do something about it. But I'm afraid God might ask me the same question.
Holy moley---is that the truth, or what! What about ME? Of course God can do it---He can do anything He wants to. He's God. But what about ME? What am I doing about all of the above?
You know what the reminder (for me) is? I get soooo horribly wrapped up in my little life here on earth. I forget. I forget what happens beyond my four walls. I forget about the Sam and Esther's of the world. I forget how to sacrifice myself for the sake of others. I get so absorbed in my reality, my hard times, my tough days---me, me, me!
I guess I'm either 100% in, or I'm out---if I'm out, He'll use someone else to do the job. Oh how I would hate to miss out on the blessing of being used by the Almighty. God needs His servants, He needs His surrendered one's. He needs MORE hands and feet in the world today. How far am I willing to go---just a little (where it is still nice and comfy), or the whole way (where I'm so far out of my boat, out of my comfort zone)---walking on the water to the place where I meet Jesus face to face?
"Here I am, Lord, send me". Such a dangerous prayer to pray---but oh so worth it!
Me, me, me---time for less of me and so much more of Him. Just what exacty am I going to do about famine, poverty and injustice?
Sometimes I'd like to ask God why he allows poverty, famine and injustice when He could do something about it. But I'm afraid God might ask me the same question.
Holy moley---is that the truth, or what! What about ME? Of course God can do it---He can do anything He wants to. He's God. But what about ME? What am I doing about all of the above?
You know what the reminder (for me) is? I get soooo horribly wrapped up in my little life here on earth. I forget. I forget what happens beyond my four walls. I forget about the Sam and Esther's of the world. I forget how to sacrifice myself for the sake of others. I get so absorbed in my reality, my hard times, my tough days---me, me, me!
I guess I'm either 100% in, or I'm out---if I'm out, He'll use someone else to do the job. Oh how I would hate to miss out on the blessing of being used by the Almighty. God needs His servants, He needs His surrendered one's. He needs MORE hands and feet in the world today. How far am I willing to go---just a little (where it is still nice and comfy), or the whole way (where I'm so far out of my boat, out of my comfort zone)---walking on the water to the place where I meet Jesus face to face?
"Here I am, Lord, send me". Such a dangerous prayer to pray---but oh so worth it!
Me, me, me---time for less of me and so much more of Him. Just what exacty am I going to do about famine, poverty and injustice?
February 17, 2009
A Loss For Words---And Potato Skins
It seems that most of our deep and meaningful discussions as a family take place at the dinner table. Maybe it's because we insist that when we have dinner, it's as a family, and no-one is allowed to leave until dismissed by Daddy---we have them trapped :)
So, for the sake of conversation, I casually tell Hannah-Claire that her little friend, Suzie, is going to be a big sister. Suzie is 6 years old.
Anthony: Oh, so Suzie is an only child?
Me: Yes, they never wanted more children, but they changed their minds and decided to have another. (Uh oh---the moment the words left my lips I wished I could have turned back the hands of time---I knew what was coming!).
The oldest (who is almost 10 and NEVER misses a darn thing) chimes in----
Oldest: But, if Jesus puts a baby in a mommy's tummy (which is what we have told them), then how can they just 'change their minds'? How does that work, Mom? How does Jesus just put a baby in your tummy? How exactly does the baby get in your tummy?
Yip, we saw it coming, no surprises here. Husband and I look at each other---how in the world do we answer THAT!
Me: Ummmm, well, you see, ah, heck, well honey, goodness, let's see here....(Yes, a TOTAL loss for words).
I give hubby the look that says 'you say something'. You know how you can just give your husband a look, and he knows exactly what it means without you even having to say a single word?
Husband looks at me as if to say "come on wife, you got us into this---now you get us out of this" :) Still, he is gracious enough to bail me out....
Anthony: Well son, it's very complicated. One of these days we will sit down with you and your brother and explain how it all works.
The oldest: But why can't you just tell us now, we have time. Tell us Daddy. What's the big deal?
By now Anthony and I are giggling (which just makes it so much worse). There are not many times we are at a loss for words---until now!
The funny thing is that Anthony and I spent years on the mission field---a lot of that time was spent teaching kids about sex. Other kids? No problem. Our own kids? Well, we are completely stumped. Help---those who have gone before us in this---how in the world do you teach your kids about the birds and the bees? There has GOT to be a book we can read on finding just the right words :) Surely?
---------------------------------
I just love the profound things that come out of my childrens' mouths---those deep, well thought out statements that make me go "mmmmm, where in the world did that come from?" They're the things that keep me laughing, the things that always remind me how thankful I am that I am surrounded by little ones. Just like this, from my sweet Hannah-Claire today....
Hannah-Claire is six and was adopted from China almost 3 years ago. The kid is a total Salem---she fits in like a glove. To her, she has been with us forever.
The children and I study God's Word every morning. We're learning about creation and Genesis.
Me: Isn't it just so amazing that God created us all so differently---yet, we are ALL sons and daughters of Adam. No matter where anyone lives, or what they look like, they are all descendants of Adam.
Kids: Wow mom, so people who have different color skin all come from Adam?
Me: Yes honey's, isn't that amazing?
Kellan: Hannah-Claire and Haven's skin is so much darker than ours. God made them that way.
Hannah-Claire---(some days I think this girl thinks she looks exactly the same way we do---she is completely unaware of her unique differences). She thinks. Suddenly a little light goes on inside her head....
Hannah-Claire: I know, I get it! Me and Haven look just like potato skins! Hey Mommy? Our skin looks just like a potato skin? It's the same color!
Ah, yeah Honey----something like that! You look just like a potato skin. Why in the world did I not think of that before!
Oh, the joys of parenting small children. We laugh, we cry, we find ourselves at a complete loss for words---it's the stuff sweet memories are made of.
So, for the sake of conversation, I casually tell Hannah-Claire that her little friend, Suzie, is going to be a big sister. Suzie is 6 years old.
Anthony: Oh, so Suzie is an only child?
Me: Yes, they never wanted more children, but they changed their minds and decided to have another. (Uh oh---the moment the words left my lips I wished I could have turned back the hands of time---I knew what was coming!).
The oldest (who is almost 10 and NEVER misses a darn thing) chimes in----
Oldest: But, if Jesus puts a baby in a mommy's tummy (which is what we have told them), then how can they just 'change their minds'? How does that work, Mom? How does Jesus just put a baby in your tummy? How exactly does the baby get in your tummy?
Yip, we saw it coming, no surprises here. Husband and I look at each other---how in the world do we answer THAT!
Me: Ummmm, well, you see, ah, heck, well honey, goodness, let's see here....(Yes, a TOTAL loss for words).
I give hubby the look that says 'you say something'. You know how you can just give your husband a look, and he knows exactly what it means without you even having to say a single word?
Husband looks at me as if to say "come on wife, you got us into this---now you get us out of this" :) Still, he is gracious enough to bail me out....
Anthony: Well son, it's very complicated. One of these days we will sit down with you and your brother and explain how it all works.
The oldest: But why can't you just tell us now, we have time. Tell us Daddy. What's the big deal?
By now Anthony and I are giggling (which just makes it so much worse). There are not many times we are at a loss for words---until now!
The funny thing is that Anthony and I spent years on the mission field---a lot of that time was spent teaching kids about sex. Other kids? No problem. Our own kids? Well, we are completely stumped. Help---those who have gone before us in this---how in the world do you teach your kids about the birds and the bees? There has GOT to be a book we can read on finding just the right words :) Surely?
---------------------------------
I just love the profound things that come out of my childrens' mouths---those deep, well thought out statements that make me go "mmmmm, where in the world did that come from?" They're the things that keep me laughing, the things that always remind me how thankful I am that I am surrounded by little ones. Just like this, from my sweet Hannah-Claire today....
Hannah-Claire is six and was adopted from China almost 3 years ago. The kid is a total Salem---she fits in like a glove. To her, she has been with us forever.
The children and I study God's Word every morning. We're learning about creation and Genesis.
Me: Isn't it just so amazing that God created us all so differently---yet, we are ALL sons and daughters of Adam. No matter where anyone lives, or what they look like, they are all descendants of Adam.
Kids: Wow mom, so people who have different color skin all come from Adam?
Me: Yes honey's, isn't that amazing?
Kellan: Hannah-Claire and Haven's skin is so much darker than ours. God made them that way.
Hannah-Claire---(some days I think this girl thinks she looks exactly the same way we do---she is completely unaware of her unique differences). She thinks. Suddenly a little light goes on inside her head....
Hannah-Claire: I know, I get it! Me and Haven look just like potato skins! Hey Mommy? Our skin looks just like a potato skin? It's the same color!
Ah, yeah Honey----something like that! You look just like a potato skin. Why in the world did I not think of that before!
Oh, the joys of parenting small children. We laugh, we cry, we find ourselves at a complete loss for words---it's the stuff sweet memories are made of.
February 16, 2009
Sweet Valentines Day
Valentines Day in our house was just beautiful. We had such a special day, just being together as a family.
The girls and I got a whole bunch of cards from all the boys in our family.
My sweet hubby bought me the most gorgeous flower arrangement. I love pink flowers---anything pink actually. He knows me well.
Anthony is teaching the boys about the joy of spoiling the girls on Valentines Day. He took them shopping and had them each pick out a flower and a card for their sisters.
Haven's first Valentines Day---and first flower.
Hannah-Claire loving her special gift from her brothers.
We made heart-shaped pancakes---decorated with enough sprinkles to ensure that the sugar-high lasted the entire day!
Haven's pancake---very conservative on the sprinkles. By next year I'm sure that her pancake will be filled to overflowing with the little sugary balls, just like the other kids.
While Mom and the girls did some shopping, the boys spent some quality time with dad.
Yes, this sure does beat grocery shopping hands down. Thanks Dad!
The girls and I got a whole bunch of cards from all the boys in our family.
My sweet hubby bought me the most gorgeous flower arrangement. I love pink flowers---anything pink actually. He knows me well.
Anthony is teaching the boys about the joy of spoiling the girls on Valentines Day. He took them shopping and had them each pick out a flower and a card for their sisters.
Haven's first Valentines Day---and first flower.
Hannah-Claire loving her special gift from her brothers.
We made heart-shaped pancakes---decorated with enough sprinkles to ensure that the sugar-high lasted the entire day!
Haven's pancake---very conservative on the sprinkles. By next year I'm sure that her pancake will be filled to overflowing with the little sugary balls, just like the other kids.
While Mom and the girls did some shopping, the boys spent some quality time with dad.
Yes, this sure does beat grocery shopping hands down. Thanks Dad!
February 13, 2009
Prayer Warriors
Bloggy friends, my heart is so heavy. One years ago, the son of friends of ours was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer. The doctors told the family that very few children survive this particular type of cancer. Still, they trusted God with all their hearts for a healing. Ian is just 13 years old. This month he has endured one full year of chemo.
Two weeks ago Ian was declared cancer free, the family rejoiced! Around the same time, he started experiencing strange headaches and dizziness. This week they were told that the cancer has spread to his brain and spine. Oh Father in heaven. The prognosis is, unfortunately, not good. There is very little treatment that can work from here on. The family has been told that Ian could have 4-8 weeks to live.
My heart just cannot imagine. How do you deal with that? The family is standing firm in their faith---they are NOT giving in to hopelessness. They are being carried on the wings of eagles and many interceding on Ian's behalf. This is obviously a devastating time for them.
Would you pray with me? Would you trust with the family that our miracle-working God would perform another miracle in Ian's life? Here is a link to their website. Would you join countless others as we bring this child of God and his precious family before the throne of God? I know they appreciate all the prayers they can get in the next few weeks. Ian's Dad, David, has posted a list of prayer requests in the journal section of their website (look under last Wednesday).
Be blessed, sweet friends who follow my journey in the Lord.
A recent photo of Ian
Two weeks ago Ian was declared cancer free, the family rejoiced! Around the same time, he started experiencing strange headaches and dizziness. This week they were told that the cancer has spread to his brain and spine. Oh Father in heaven. The prognosis is, unfortunately, not good. There is very little treatment that can work from here on. The family has been told that Ian could have 4-8 weeks to live.
My heart just cannot imagine. How do you deal with that? The family is standing firm in their faith---they are NOT giving in to hopelessness. They are being carried on the wings of eagles and many interceding on Ian's behalf. This is obviously a devastating time for them.
Would you pray with me? Would you trust with the family that our miracle-working God would perform another miracle in Ian's life? Here is a link to their website. Would you join countless others as we bring this child of God and his precious family before the throne of God? I know they appreciate all the prayers they can get in the next few weeks. Ian's Dad, David, has posted a list of prayer requests in the journal section of their website (look under last Wednesday).
Be blessed, sweet friends who follow my journey in the Lord.
A recent photo of Ian
February 12, 2009
Thankful Thursday
I never knew what a great honor and privilege it was to be a mother---until I had my first child. I never knew what joy it would bring to my heart every time I hear the word mommy (which is more times than I can count each day), until my oldest said it for the first time. I LOVE being mommy. I love waking up each morning and knowing that my days will be filled with (trying) to train my children in the ways of the Father.
Is it all easy? No way! There are days when I feel like I am swimming in the deep end. There are days when I wonder if I will ever get the mommy-thing right. I have days when I fall into bed at night and feel like such a failure as a mother. I have many of those days. But, the joys, oh the joys---they so far outnumber the hard days.
It's true---I never imagined myself as a mom. I just could not picture how that would look for me. After one child I could not wait to have another, just to get the 'baby stage' over and done with so that I could get on with my life. THEN God did something in my heart that only He could do. He changed my perspective and put His heart for children in me.
Now I see things differently, I see children so very differently. I see them as His best gifts, I see them as His reward. I see my days differently---I no longer see them filled with the endless same-old, same-old that comes with having many small children, nope, I am a mommy-on-a-mission---making the most of every day He has given me with these little people.
I wish I could count the number of times I have been told that the time passes so quickly, to make the most of every day that they are little. That's what I'm doing, making the most of every runny nose, every boo-boo, every insecurity, every sibling argument. I'm learning to live in the moment, and to embrace this season of being mommy. I know that all too soon they will all be big and I will then just be called mom! What a new season what will be.
I'm so thankful this day, thankful that He has chosen to bless me with these. God could have chosen to NOT bless me with children---but He didn't. There are no words to thank Him enough for the gifts. They truly are His rewards. What did I ever do to deserve five of them? I will never know. I am so humbled and so thankful that He chose this girl and showed her the joy of being mommy.
Her children arise and call her blessed. Prov 31:28
Let the little children come to me. Mark 10:14
How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. 1 John 3:1
Children are a reward from Him. Ps 127:3
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. Ps 127:5
Over the last few days I have read many blogs of families who have recently lost children, or whose child is fighting for their life. The pain and suffering of families, just like mine, is everywhere. It is heartbreaking. Life is short, life is fragile.
Friends, let's hold our children a little tighter today. Let's embrace this day and this season of being mommy to the blessings He has given us.
Is it all easy? No way! There are days when I feel like I am swimming in the deep end. There are days when I wonder if I will ever get the mommy-thing right. I have days when I fall into bed at night and feel like such a failure as a mother. I have many of those days. But, the joys, oh the joys---they so far outnumber the hard days.
It's true---I never imagined myself as a mom. I just could not picture how that would look for me. After one child I could not wait to have another, just to get the 'baby stage' over and done with so that I could get on with my life. THEN God did something in my heart that only He could do. He changed my perspective and put His heart for children in me.
Now I see things differently, I see children so very differently. I see them as His best gifts, I see them as His reward. I see my days differently---I no longer see them filled with the endless same-old, same-old that comes with having many small children, nope, I am a mommy-on-a-mission---making the most of every day He has given me with these little people.
I wish I could count the number of times I have been told that the time passes so quickly, to make the most of every day that they are little. That's what I'm doing, making the most of every runny nose, every boo-boo, every insecurity, every sibling argument. I'm learning to live in the moment, and to embrace this season of being mommy. I know that all too soon they will all be big and I will then just be called mom! What a new season what will be.
I'm so thankful this day, thankful that He has chosen to bless me with these. God could have chosen to NOT bless me with children---but He didn't. There are no words to thank Him enough for the gifts. They truly are His rewards. What did I ever do to deserve five of them? I will never know. I am so humbled and so thankful that He chose this girl and showed her the joy of being mommy.
Her children arise and call her blessed. Prov 31:28
Let the little children come to me. Mark 10:14
How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. 1 John 3:1
Children are a reward from Him. Ps 127:3
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. Ps 127:5
Over the last few days I have read many blogs of families who have recently lost children, or whose child is fighting for their life. The pain and suffering of families, just like mine, is everywhere. It is heartbreaking. Life is short, life is fragile.
Friends, let's hold our children a little tighter today. Let's embrace this day and this season of being mommy to the blessings He has given us.
February 7, 2009
Baby Steps
Thank you for all the e-mails we receive asking about how Haven is doing. We truly appreciate everyone's care and concern.
Now that school is a thing of the past, Haven is doing so much better. Goodness, did we learn from that mistake. It seems that home is where she is most comfortable. This is her safe place.
As we approach our five month anniversary of Haven's adoption, we look back and see how far she has come in a relatively short period of time. She IS learning new things every day, she IS trying hard to accomplish things that she previously would have just given up on. Yes, we had so hoped that she would at least be saying simple words by now, but she is not. She is still completely non-verbal. Still, we rejoice in the victories we do see, each one tells us that her brain is functioning and she does have the ability to learn new things. We are so thankful for that.
We recently had an evaluation done on her development---she is at the level of a 17 month old baby (for new readers of my blog, Haven is 8). The road ahead is a challenging one, but what a privilege to witness the baby steps she takes as she learns new things. It is just like having a toddler in the house---watching a little one learn new things. Opinions on her 'official' diagnosis seem to be divided. Some professionals feels that she is, indeed, Autistic. Others have mentioned a disorder called Selective Mutism as a possibility. At this stage there is no way of knowing, only time will tell---and we have a whole lot of time to figure things out. We're in no rush, we just take things one day at a time.
We are so thankful for this child---chosen by the hand of the Father, destined to be in our family before the foundation of the earth. Who knows what her life will look like in 20 years time? It does not matter---she is absolutely perfect, just the way she is. We are so blessed to call her our daughter.
Could she be any sweeter than this?
Now that school is a thing of the past, Haven is doing so much better. Goodness, did we learn from that mistake. It seems that home is where she is most comfortable. This is her safe place.
As we approach our five month anniversary of Haven's adoption, we look back and see how far she has come in a relatively short period of time. She IS learning new things every day, she IS trying hard to accomplish things that she previously would have just given up on. Yes, we had so hoped that she would at least be saying simple words by now, but she is not. She is still completely non-verbal. Still, we rejoice in the victories we do see, each one tells us that her brain is functioning and she does have the ability to learn new things. We are so thankful for that.
We recently had an evaluation done on her development---she is at the level of a 17 month old baby (for new readers of my blog, Haven is 8). The road ahead is a challenging one, but what a privilege to witness the baby steps she takes as she learns new things. It is just like having a toddler in the house---watching a little one learn new things. Opinions on her 'official' diagnosis seem to be divided. Some professionals feels that she is, indeed, Autistic. Others have mentioned a disorder called Selective Mutism as a possibility. At this stage there is no way of knowing, only time will tell---and we have a whole lot of time to figure things out. We're in no rush, we just take things one day at a time.
We are so thankful for this child---chosen by the hand of the Father, destined to be in our family before the foundation of the earth. Who knows what her life will look like in 20 years time? It does not matter---she is absolutely perfect, just the way she is. We are so blessed to call her our daughter.
Could she be any sweeter than this?
February 6, 2009
Sam and Esther
Oh friends, I have debated whether to even post this---but I'm gonna do it! Why? Because this is real life. This is the reality of what happens beyond my four walls, my blessed little life. Because God used this video to break my heart for the things that break His. It is so easy for me to get so caught up in my ridiculous little woes. Ugh---this brought me back to a harsh reality---that there is a world out there that NEEDS Jesus. That there are children out there who so desperately need a mommy and a daddy. My human heart and mind just cannot fathom the magnitude of the orphan crisis---all 140 MILLION of them.
This is heartbreaking to watch, I wept the whole way through---but do it. Allow God to do something in your heart, just like He did for me. There is good news to follow....
Yes, my petty concerns and silly worries do all of a sudden seem quite insignificant. My perspective on life is different---God has used Sam and Esther to show me, once again, that life is fragile, life is short---what am I going to do to make a difference? What a challenge from the Father.
There is good news---Sam, Esther and their older sister Jane are all doing WELL. I found this little comment from the producer of the video on YouTube---
The film I made about Uganda, THE FRAGRANT SPIRIT OF LIFE, has already raised about $50,000 for orphans in Uganda.
Sam, Esther and Jane are all doing well. Sam and Esther have been nutritionally rehabilitated and are receiving on-going therapy for their polio. Sam can stand with the aid of braces. Jane is going to school and is thriving.
Thanks for your concern.
Peace and blessings,
Gerry Straub
Friends, I can NO LONGER sit back and do nothing. I don't care if it means sponsoring a child, going on a mission trip, adopting a child....it ALL makes a difference. If you have never read the biography of George Mueller---PLEASE read it. It will change your life forever! Talk about making a difference in the lives of children---all by absolute Faith.
It's true that God can use a tiny little child---Thank you Sam, Esther and Jane for changing my life...forever!
This is heartbreaking to watch, I wept the whole way through---but do it. Allow God to do something in your heart, just like He did for me. There is good news to follow....
Yes, my petty concerns and silly worries do all of a sudden seem quite insignificant. My perspective on life is different---God has used Sam and Esther to show me, once again, that life is fragile, life is short---what am I going to do to make a difference? What a challenge from the Father.
There is good news---Sam, Esther and their older sister Jane are all doing WELL. I found this little comment from the producer of the video on YouTube---
The film I made about Uganda, THE FRAGRANT SPIRIT OF LIFE, has already raised about $50,000 for orphans in Uganda.
Sam, Esther and Jane are all doing well. Sam and Esther have been nutritionally rehabilitated and are receiving on-going therapy for their polio. Sam can stand with the aid of braces. Jane is going to school and is thriving.
Thanks for your concern.
Peace and blessings,
Gerry Straub
Friends, I can NO LONGER sit back and do nothing. I don't care if it means sponsoring a child, going on a mission trip, adopting a child....it ALL makes a difference. If you have never read the biography of George Mueller---PLEASE read it. It will change your life forever! Talk about making a difference in the lives of children---all by absolute Faith.
It's true that God can use a tiny little child---Thank you Sam, Esther and Jane for changing my life...forever!
February 5, 2009
Thankful Thursday
I am an emotional wreck today. You know that feeling when you just cannot stop the tears? That's me today.
I am so thankful on this Thankful Thursday. Thankful that God is doing a work in mine and Anthony's hearts. Thankful that He is stirring things in us, passions. For the last few weeks I have felt that my life has been at a crossroads, not sure which way God was going to lead us. I finally have found the peace in it all----the knowing that I know what God is saying.
I am so thankful today for the still, small voice of the Father. I am so thankful that He has given us ears to hear when He calls us in a direction. And, I am so thankful that, when standing at a crossroads, there is always the opportunity to say, "Yes, Lord, I'm in." I promise to share more as things unfold. For now, we're on a journey.
Precious friends, be encouraged that God is alive and well and still on the throne. KNOW this day that He will NEVER forsake us, no matter what. Like me, open your ears to the voice of the Spirit---He will tell you which way to go.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it". Is 30:21
What are you thankful for today?
I am so thankful on this Thankful Thursday. Thankful that God is doing a work in mine and Anthony's hearts. Thankful that He is stirring things in us, passions. For the last few weeks I have felt that my life has been at a crossroads, not sure which way God was going to lead us. I finally have found the peace in it all----the knowing that I know what God is saying.
I am so thankful today for the still, small voice of the Father. I am so thankful that He has given us ears to hear when He calls us in a direction. And, I am so thankful that, when standing at a crossroads, there is always the opportunity to say, "Yes, Lord, I'm in." I promise to share more as things unfold. For now, we're on a journey.
Precious friends, be encouraged that God is alive and well and still on the throne. KNOW this day that He will NEVER forsake us, no matter what. Like me, open your ears to the voice of the Spirit---He will tell you which way to go.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it". Is 30:21
What are you thankful for today?
A Special Day
What a beautiful birthday I had. The Father blessed me with JUST what I needed---a warm day! We live at a very high altitude, so the kids and I headed down the mountain, about thirty minutes away---seeking out the warmest park to play in. A birthday with my children=the best fun.
We have a very (healthy and nutritious) tradition in our family----birthday cake for breakfast! The best part about it is that it gets five children on a complete sugar high at 7am---what a great way to start the day.
The two oldest boys. Mmmmm----we have a deal going with Kellan, (on the right). He has been begging us to be able to grow his hair, just a little. The problem is that he has this crazy, thick, wavy hair---a challenge to grow. So we gave in and told him he could do it on one condition---that he take care of it (gel it in the morning) and make sure that he at least looks respectable (trust me, if this kid had his way he would look like Einstein every day, and love it). I looked at this photo and thought about how well we're doing enforcing our agreement--- such diligent parenting :)
Okay Mom---do you see me making an effort to at least try and like the park? Look at me go!
Actually, come to think of it---maybe this park place is not tooooo bad!
Oh the little guy---does there always have to be ONE kid who refuses to cooperate when it's picture time? No matter how much you bribe, act silly, promise them their favorite treat---it's futile.
So sweet. Look at Haven---that is her attempt at a smile for the camera. They were quite high off the ground (I obviously put her up there), she was NOT too sure about it. At least she forced her best smile. True to himself, one's missing.......
Sitting in the front of all the kids, but refusing to have his picture taken. Oh, the joys of many small kiddos. They say to pick your battles wisely---some are just not worth fighting, for this mommy.
We have a very (healthy and nutritious) tradition in our family----birthday cake for breakfast! The best part about it is that it gets five children on a complete sugar high at 7am---what a great way to start the day.
The two oldest boys. Mmmmm----we have a deal going with Kellan, (on the right). He has been begging us to be able to grow his hair, just a little. The problem is that he has this crazy, thick, wavy hair---a challenge to grow. So we gave in and told him he could do it on one condition---that he take care of it (gel it in the morning) and make sure that he at least looks respectable (trust me, if this kid had his way he would look like Einstein every day, and love it). I looked at this photo and thought about how well we're doing enforcing our agreement--- such diligent parenting :)
Okay Mom---do you see me making an effort to at least try and like the park? Look at me go!
Actually, come to think of it---maybe this park place is not tooooo bad!
Oh the little guy---does there always have to be ONE kid who refuses to cooperate when it's picture time? No matter how much you bribe, act silly, promise them their favorite treat---it's futile.
So sweet. Look at Haven---that is her attempt at a smile for the camera. They were quite high off the ground (I obviously put her up there), she was NOT too sure about it. At least she forced her best smile. True to himself, one's missing.......
Sitting in the front of all the kids, but refusing to have his picture taken. Oh, the joys of many small kiddos. They say to pick your battles wisely---some are just not worth fighting, for this mommy.
February 1, 2009
Abandoned
I few posts back I shared about my journey to surrender---how God was s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g me (and my hubby) in areas that we were totally not expecting to be stretched.
Over the last few weeks as we have been walking this road, I have been pondering so many things in my heart about what exactly it means to totally, 100% surrender to God. I mean, is it possible to just surrender in the things that are comfortable and easy---is that enough? Will God be please with my half-hearted attempt (when actually I know better)?
For me, when life is good and everything is going just the way I want it to (and I LOVE to have my life planned and organized), well, it is easy to surrender. Very easy. It is wonderful to be able to look at my life and feel like I did it---I surrendered something that was hard or difficult. I stepped out of my comfort zone. But then, just as God would have it, He brings up something else, something that completely takes me by surprise. You ever been there?
"But God, surely you know that I have given you my life and will do ANYTHING for you---I have told you so many times." Feeling satisfied, I leave it at that.
"Really? Do I have all of you my child? I need ALL of you---EVERYTHING, every little bit of you."
"Uh sure, Lord. You can have all of me----I am all yours."
But what could that mean in this season of my life?
So, here I am, still standing in that place of learning what it means to ABANDON myself to Him. You know what I mean? That feeling of God telling me to do something that is so far out of my comfort zone that it terrifies me. But God---does He not promise us that He will never put us in a situation that we cannot handle? Does He not promise us that we when step out of the boat and walk on the water, that that is where the BLESSING is. I know it's true---living a life inside the boat is a life half lived---stepping out of the boat is where we meet Jesus face to face. To be in that place where He calms the storm around me. Oh how I long to meet Him face to face.
Still, I'll be honest, I'm a little afraid. We are facing a tough decision---one that will change my life, and that of my family. But, if that is what God wants---I am soooooo absolutely IN!
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Gal 2:20
To me, that is what complete abandonment means----that my life is no longer my own! If Jesus gave Himself for me, then surely I can give myself COMPLETELY to Him---so that His will may be fulfilled.
I am learning, precious friends. My word, I feel like I have such a long way to go, but I'm learning. We are in the middle of some big decisions---and as my life is truly not my own, I am just His servant in this grain of sand called 'life', I guess I will do anything in my power to ensure that I am faithful and obedient to do the things He tells me to do. No matter how insane or crazy they may be.
Abandoned!
Over the last few weeks as we have been walking this road, I have been pondering so many things in my heart about what exactly it means to totally, 100% surrender to God. I mean, is it possible to just surrender in the things that are comfortable and easy---is that enough? Will God be please with my half-hearted attempt (when actually I know better)?
For me, when life is good and everything is going just the way I want it to (and I LOVE to have my life planned and organized), well, it is easy to surrender. Very easy. It is wonderful to be able to look at my life and feel like I did it---I surrendered something that was hard or difficult. I stepped out of my comfort zone. But then, just as God would have it, He brings up something else, something that completely takes me by surprise. You ever been there?
"But God, surely you know that I have given you my life and will do ANYTHING for you---I have told you so many times." Feeling satisfied, I leave it at that.
"Really? Do I have all of you my child? I need ALL of you---EVERYTHING, every little bit of you."
"Uh sure, Lord. You can have all of me----I am all yours."
But what could that mean in this season of my life?
So, here I am, still standing in that place of learning what it means to ABANDON myself to Him. You know what I mean? That feeling of God telling me to do something that is so far out of my comfort zone that it terrifies me. But God---does He not promise us that He will never put us in a situation that we cannot handle? Does He not promise us that we when step out of the boat and walk on the water, that that is where the BLESSING is. I know it's true---living a life inside the boat is a life half lived---stepping out of the boat is where we meet Jesus face to face. To be in that place where He calms the storm around me. Oh how I long to meet Him face to face.
Still, I'll be honest, I'm a little afraid. We are facing a tough decision---one that will change my life, and that of my family. But, if that is what God wants---I am soooooo absolutely IN!
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Gal 2:20
To me, that is what complete abandonment means----that my life is no longer my own! If Jesus gave Himself for me, then surely I can give myself COMPLETELY to Him---so that His will may be fulfilled.
I am learning, precious friends. My word, I feel like I have such a long way to go, but I'm learning. We are in the middle of some big decisions---and as my life is truly not my own, I am just His servant in this grain of sand called 'life', I guess I will do anything in my power to ensure that I am faithful and obedient to do the things He tells me to do. No matter how insane or crazy they may be.
Abandoned!
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