My dear friend, Shonni, and I decided to take the kids out on one last outing before the snow comes for good.
How I love Shonni--she went from being a blog friend to a dear friend in real life. We love hanging out together. I tell you, we sort out all the problems in the world in our few hours together. By the end of the day we have the answers to everything we were pondering...and more. Sorted!
And not to mention that between us we have 14 kiddos on our wee outings...the comments from people about our 'day care' make me chuckle every time. I guess it must be a funny sight. Yesterday a young girl even asked me [upon my telling her that these were, in fact, all our children] whether they were all our biological kids!
Yep--we have every color of kid imaginable...of course they're all our bio kids...can't you tell???
Fun and friends--there can be no better way to spend a gorgeous Fall day in the mountains.
September 30, 2009
September 27, 2009
organic seed
We attend homeschool enrichment classes with a group of amazing families. My kids love the classes--and I love that I get to hang out with sweet moms.
For the last few weeks we have been announcing our upcoming benefit concert to help bring Hailee home.
Last week I was walking down one of the hallways when these two precious little girls (age 7 and 10) came running up to me.
"We would like to give this to you. We have been saving our money for a long time, and we want to give it to Hailee. We want you to use the money to go and fetch Hailee and bring her home."
In their hands was a plastic bag with a few notes and a bunch of coins.
I did everything I could to hold back the tears. I was so deeply touched.
You see, these girls come from a family who work hard to make ends meet. Their Dad holds down several jobs to pay the bills. They grow their own vegetables to save on the food bill. The girls bake and sell their yummy treats at the enrichment classes. They work hard. Every treat they sell they earn 25c for. At the end of classes, they may earn $2 or $3, if they're lucky.
It's like gold to them.
In this bag was their savings. It contained every penny they had raised from selling their goodies. Hard earned money for young girls. A LOT of money for girls who do not come from a family that has a lot of it.
Their treasured savings--they gave it away.
Every single penny of it.
Just for Hailee.
I am so deeply moved by their sweet hearts. As they gave their treasure to me I could sense God smiling. Such sweet and precious hearts giving--not because their mom had told them to. Not because they had extra money at home. I'm sure that at the back of their minds was a toy or a game they had been saving their money for.
These young girls put aside any personal desires they had and they gave.
They wanted to play a small part in Hailee's story. At their tender ages, they understand that God can multiply any amount of money. That it is all seed. Seed that God uses. Seed that He alone can grow.
And so I looked into their excited little faces and told them, "Watch and see what God does with this money, girls. Watch and see how He multiplies it and makes it grow. You are both part of Hailee's story. You are both playing such a huge part in bringing her home. God just used you today in such a mighty way."
Oh how God loves their seed. Organic seed. Precious seed given from tender young hearts.
The lesson was for me. God used two girls to show me, once again, that it does not matter how much I give...but rather that I just give! No matter how big, or how small. I often feel bad because I can never give as much as I would love to. So instead of giving what I do have, which seems so inadequate, I hold back and don't give at all, feeling like my tiny offering couldn't possibly make any difference. How wrong.
God used the giving hearts of young children to remind me that He looks at the heart. He can multiply anything we sow. All He needs is the seed. How God grows it is His business. My business is that I give...sacrificially!
Whether I have been blessed with little, or much, I'm called to give. Just like those sweet little girls. I'm called to give out of what I have been given.
When He searches my heart, may He find me as faithful as these little children.
Learning along the way.
For the last few weeks we have been announcing our upcoming benefit concert to help bring Hailee home.
Last week I was walking down one of the hallways when these two precious little girls (age 7 and 10) came running up to me.
"We would like to give this to you. We have been saving our money for a long time, and we want to give it to Hailee. We want you to use the money to go and fetch Hailee and bring her home."
In their hands was a plastic bag with a few notes and a bunch of coins.
I did everything I could to hold back the tears. I was so deeply touched.
You see, these girls come from a family who work hard to make ends meet. Their Dad holds down several jobs to pay the bills. They grow their own vegetables to save on the food bill. The girls bake and sell their yummy treats at the enrichment classes. They work hard. Every treat they sell they earn 25c for. At the end of classes, they may earn $2 or $3, if they're lucky.
It's like gold to them.
In this bag was their savings. It contained every penny they had raised from selling their goodies. Hard earned money for young girls. A LOT of money for girls who do not come from a family that has a lot of it.
Their treasured savings--they gave it away.
Every single penny of it.
Just for Hailee.
I am so deeply moved by their sweet hearts. As they gave their treasure to me I could sense God smiling. Such sweet and precious hearts giving--not because their mom had told them to. Not because they had extra money at home. I'm sure that at the back of their minds was a toy or a game they had been saving their money for.
These young girls put aside any personal desires they had and they gave.
They wanted to play a small part in Hailee's story. At their tender ages, they understand that God can multiply any amount of money. That it is all seed. Seed that God uses. Seed that He alone can grow.
And so I looked into their excited little faces and told them, "Watch and see what God does with this money, girls. Watch and see how He multiplies it and makes it grow. You are both part of Hailee's story. You are both playing such a huge part in bringing her home. God just used you today in such a mighty way."
Oh how God loves their seed. Organic seed. Precious seed given from tender young hearts.
The lesson was for me. God used two girls to show me, once again, that it does not matter how much I give...but rather that I just give! No matter how big, or how small. I often feel bad because I can never give as much as I would love to. So instead of giving what I do have, which seems so inadequate, I hold back and don't give at all, feeling like my tiny offering couldn't possibly make any difference. How wrong.
God used the giving hearts of young children to remind me that He looks at the heart. He can multiply anything we sow. All He needs is the seed. How God grows it is His business. My business is that I give...sacrificially!
Whether I have been blessed with little, or much, I'm called to give. Just like those sweet little girls. I'm called to give out of what I have been given.
When He searches my heart, may He find me as faithful as these little children.
Learning along the way.
September 25, 2009
finally done
I finally finished!
Fixing my horrible painting mistakes, that is.
Painted and repainted the formal living room. A cozy beige color is so much better than the disastrous gray. No more living in a mortuary = a happy husband.
Painted the kitchen. Still not loving the color. But I'll live with it for a while.
Hubby printed some stunning pics of our six adorable children. We already had the black frames. They look fabulous on the main wall in the living room. We can't wait to take some new pics of Hailee when she is home--and replace the one and only picture we have of her.
I simply love simplicity. Simple decor too. Me and clutter just do not go well together. The simpler, the better...and less to clean.
The couches definitely need some colorful cushions. But that will have to wait.
Mmmm--still not sure how long this purpley color will last. I don't have time to think about it for the next month--so I guess I'll just have to live with it. I do like how the pink flowers look with the wall color though. I absolutely love pink...my best color ever!
Oh my. Today we had a showing on our house. They gave me lots of notice, so I had time to get the house spic and span. Always a good thing. I had a lot of cleaning to do. So I woke up early and got started. School took a backseat as I scrubbed every inch of the house...spotless!
For seven hours I cleaned(and threatened kids with their lives should they dirty or mess up anything).
S-e-v-e-n hours!
At three pm we got out of the house. "Be out of the house until 4pm", they told me.
And so we did.
We stepped back into the house at 4pm. Um--no agent's card in sight. No footprints on freshly vacuumed carpets.
They had FTP'd.
Yep--FAILED TO PITCH!
No call to say they were not coming. No call to say they were running late. Nothing.
Gee, thanks a lot!
Oh the joys of selling a house. It has got to be one of my least favorite things in the world to do. That and snow skiing...leave me in the lodge, thank you very much. Tell me something...what is so fun about being so cold, to the point where you cannot feel your feet, and having your ankles strapped in so darn tightly that you feel you're loosing circulation? I just don't get it. We went once. That was it for me. Forever. I was absolutely freezing. "Wear sunglasses," my honey said. Well yeah, I did. Only problem was that for 6 hours they kept misting up to the point where I had no idea where I was going (of course that was only when I remained off my cold rear long enough to actually have to know where I was going). Yep--sooooo much fun.
House selling and snow skiing--of course they have so much in common. Now you know they are two of my least favorite things to do.
As I lay me down to sleep tonight--at least I know I have a clean house. Bliss. And I'll definitely sleep well tonight because I'm so beat. Who needs the gym when you can clean house [for free!].
It's all good.
Fixing my horrible painting mistakes, that is.
Painted and repainted the formal living room. A cozy beige color is so much better than the disastrous gray. No more living in a mortuary = a happy husband.
Painted the kitchen. Still not loving the color. But I'll live with it for a while.
Hubby printed some stunning pics of our six adorable children. We already had the black frames. They look fabulous on the main wall in the living room. We can't wait to take some new pics of Hailee when she is home--and replace the one and only picture we have of her.
I simply love simplicity. Simple decor too. Me and clutter just do not go well together. The simpler, the better...and less to clean.
The couches definitely need some colorful cushions. But that will have to wait.
Mmmm--still not sure how long this purpley color will last. I don't have time to think about it for the next month--so I guess I'll just have to live with it. I do like how the pink flowers look with the wall color though. I absolutely love pink...my best color ever!
Oh my. Today we had a showing on our house. They gave me lots of notice, so I had time to get the house spic and span. Always a good thing. I had a lot of cleaning to do. So I woke up early and got started. School took a backseat as I scrubbed every inch of the house...spotless!
For seven hours I cleaned
S-e-v-e-n hours!
At three pm we got out of the house. "Be out of the house until 4pm", they told me.
And so we did.
We stepped back into the house at 4pm. Um--no agent's card in sight. No footprints on freshly vacuumed carpets.
They had FTP'd.
Yep--FAILED TO PITCH!
No call to say they were not coming. No call to say they were running late. Nothing.
Gee, thanks a lot!
Oh the joys of selling a house. It has got to be one of my least favorite things in the world to do. That and snow skiing...leave me in the lodge, thank you very much. Tell me something...what is so fun about being so cold, to the point where you cannot feel your feet, and having your ankles strapped in so darn tightly that you feel you're loosing circulation? I just don't get it. We went once. That was it for me. Forever. I was absolutely freezing. "Wear sunglasses," my honey said. Well yeah, I did. Only problem was that for 6 hours they kept misting up to the point where I had no idea where I was going (of course that was only when I remained off my cold rear long enough to actually have to know where I was going). Yep--sooooo much fun.
House selling and snow skiing--of course they have so much in common. Now you know they are two of my least favorite things to do.
As I lay me down to sleep tonight--at least I know I have a clean house. Bliss. And I'll definitely sleep well tonight because I'm so beat. Who needs the gym when you can clean house [for free!].
It's all good.
September 23, 2009
zero
The world from our windows today...
Indoors--
That's where you'll find me on days like these.
We've had plenty of time to catch up on some school work--and bake, and clean house, and try new recipes and play games.
Definitely not my first choice in weather. But, on days like this, I just have to trust my God, who holds the weather in His hands, that He knows what He's doing.
Trust!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We're busy getting the benefit concert for Hailee organized. I am so excited about it. Can't wait to tell you what we have planned. Trusting the Lord for great things on the night of October 10.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We're still waiting for the final interview to obtain my citizenship. Please trust with us that we will receive it soon. Very soon.
Not only is it important for us to get to Hailee quickly due to her fragile health, but on any given day she can be transferred to a mental institution. Right now she is in a baby house. Not a great place to be in a third world country. But so much better than a mental institution. Having already turned four, she is on the list to be transferred. Could happen at any time. If that were to happen--oh my goodness, it would be horrendous for her. She would not survive. She is too frail and too weak to survive in those conditions.
She cannot be moved! We need to get there soon.
Thank you for praying. Thank you for trusting with us that Hailee remain where she is until we can get there.
Indoors--
That's where you'll find me on days like these.
We've had plenty of time to catch up on some school work--and bake, and clean house, and try new recipes and play games.
Definitely not my first choice in weather. But, on days like this, I just have to trust my God, who holds the weather in His hands, that He knows what He's doing.
Trust!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We're busy getting the benefit concert for Hailee organized. I am so excited about it. Can't wait to tell you what we have planned. Trusting the Lord for great things on the night of October 10.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We're still waiting for the final interview to obtain my citizenship. Please trust with us that we will receive it soon. Very soon.
Not only is it important for us to get to Hailee quickly due to her fragile health, but on any given day she can be transferred to a mental institution. Right now she is in a baby house. Not a great place to be in a third world country. But so much better than a mental institution. Having already turned four, she is on the list to be transferred. Could happen at any time. If that were to happen--oh my goodness, it would be horrendous for her. She would not survive. She is too frail and too weak to survive in those conditions.
She cannot be moved! We need to get there soon.
Thank you for praying. Thank you for trusting with us that Hailee remain where she is until we can get there.
September 21, 2009
recently I've been
Painting~~
Way too much, actually. I have this little obsession thing with paint. The problem is that I adore change. Painting, moving furniture around, changing the bed linen--all that kind of stuff--I LOVE. So things don't really stay the same for very long around here.
It's just my obsession thing.
(My hubby is convinced that if he sits in the same place for just a tad too long, he'll either be painted, moved around, or packed away.)
This was a fun little project that worked well...
A tin of chalkboard paint on a lonely wall = hours of entertainment.
The kids love it.
I changed the paint color in our kitchen eat-in area last weekend. It used to be kind of a burnt orange. I felt like a radical change, and that's exactly what I got. Now it's purpley--a tad toooo purple for my liking. So I spent last week studying and examining paint samples. I like orange. I thought I'd go back to orange, but make it a wee bit brighter than it was. So I found just the right color on Saturday. I came home with a tin of my delightful color choice and started to paint a small part of the wall.
Dear hubby walks in the door and takes one look at my fabulous orange color...
"What in the world is THAT!"
"Um, that's orange paint, Hon."
"Yes, I can see that. I really don't like it! My mother used that in the 70's in our kitchen and I hated it then, and still do."
Eeek--the 70's???
(Now, for Anthony to actually tell me that he hates it--well, he must really hate it! He is so full of grace when it comes to our ever-changing color schemes around here.)
He went on to tell me just how he felt about my color choice--and then graciously added that if I loved it, I should just keep it. So sweet.
Back to purple it went. Can't torture the poor guy by having him stare at orange walls every time he comes into the kitchen.
So purpley it is...for now.
Actually, it's not tooooo purple. I thought cranberry spice would be a little more, well, a little more spicy looking.
But that was just the beginning of my painting woes.
I painted the formal living and hallway too. You'd think that any color with the word mocha in it would be a little brownish. Nope! Not my choice. It was seriously gray! And I mean gray...dark gray.
Anthony thought we were living in a mortuary. And trust me, in his line of work, he has seen more than his fair share of the inside of those places.
No can do. Can't be living in a mortuary! The living room got changed yesterday.
Yep--heaps and heaps of painting.
Keeping warm by the fire~~
The kids loved the snowy day today. They're praying for more overnight so that they can sled tomorrow. I have a little feeling their prayers may be answered. More snow heading our way over the next two days.
Anyone live down South have space for 7 more???
Just kidding.
Missing~~
My family so desperately. I can hardly wait to see my Dad next year. My heart aches to see my beloved family.
Missing special friends around the world. I wish I could convince them all to come and live here in the cold North Pole with me.
Pondering change~~
Bringing a new child home is always accompanied by change. How will this adoption affect our family? What changes will we have to make? Can I handle Hailee's needs? Can I be a good mom to her? On and on and on....
So many thoughts, feelings, cares and concerns.
But at the end of the day I rest in the ONE who is sending us. I know that when He sends us on a mission, He equips us with everything we need for the journey. Everything. He commands us not to worry about tomorrow--and so I choose not to.
Counting my blessings~~
In hard economic times I am being purposeful to be thankful. Anthony has been working such long and weird hours. We miss him. He comes home emotionally drained from being with dying people and their families all day long. We wish it could be easier.
Yet, we choose to be thankful that he has a job! We thank the Father for His amazing provision in our lives. He is so faithful.
And when I feel a little bummed that I'm not seeing my dear hubby very much, well, God reminds me of my sweet friend, Holly. Her husband is serving our country in faraway places. She is such a courageous woman of God to be doing all she does to hold down the fort while he is away for such a long time. I have never once seen her complain. Amazing.
Yes, indeed, I am so blessed.
Life is so busy. Times may be tough--but the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords is alive and well and more than able to take care of every care and every concern we have. What love!
-----------------------------------
Oh my goodness, if you don't know Lori--you absolutely have to go and read her blog. They just got their [older] daughter in China today. What a beautiful testimony that older child adoptions can work and that ALL things are possible with God. So exciting.
gotta love it
Yes, that would be snow! Today. In summer. In the mountains.
Ahhh, the joys of mountain living.
September 18, 2009
all in a hard days school work
The joys of homeschooling. I love that we can just pack up and head out for a day as a family whenever we feel like it.
This week we did just that. Apple picking sounded like a whole lot of fun. Something we had never done before.
So fabulous. A glorious, sunny day spent in beautiful farmlands.
We're absolutely making the most of these last warm days. Already the nights are so much cooler, the days a little shorter. Before we know it, we'll be bundled up indoors again. Snow comes early to the mountains where we live.
While the sun shines--school just has to wait. We'll have plenty of time to catch up...very soon.
God's amazing creation.
The oldest, and the youngest.
Picking the perfect berry--and eating a few along the way too.
Looking for the next spot to pick berries.
A sweet girl--who loves to climb trees with her brothers.
Up high--got to get the best apples for Mommy!
You can take my picture, mom, but try as you may, I am NOT going to look at you.
Just as pretty as a sunflower.
Yummy sunflower seeds.
Little brother has to try some too.
Yep, very good!
We think we'll take these pumpkins!
A treasured oldest son.
Haven pretending to hide away from me.
Searching for the perfect pumpkin to call his own.
A tractor ride back with a buddy.
The beautiful bounty of our harvest.
This week we did just that. Apple picking sounded like a whole lot of fun. Something we had never done before.
So fabulous. A glorious, sunny day spent in beautiful farmlands.
We're absolutely making the most of these last warm days. Already the nights are so much cooler, the days a little shorter. Before we know it, we'll be bundled up indoors again. Snow comes early to the mountains where we live.
While the sun shines--school just has to wait. We'll have plenty of time to catch up...very soon.
God's amazing creation.
The oldest, and the youngest.
Picking the perfect berry--and eating a few along the way too.
Looking for the next spot to pick berries.
A sweet girl--who loves to climb trees with her brothers.
Up high--got to get the best apples for Mommy!
You can take my picture, mom, but try as you may, I am NOT going to look at you.
Just as pretty as a sunflower.
Yummy sunflower seeds.
Little brother has to try some too.
Yep, very good!
We think we'll take these pumpkins!
A treasured oldest son.
Haven pretending to hide away from me.
Searching for the perfect pumpkin to call his own.
A tractor ride back with a buddy.
The beautiful bounty of our harvest.
September 16, 2009
never forsaken!
ONE YEAR!
Where in the world has one year gone? I can hardly believe that today marks the one-year anniversary of Haven being in our family.
Just one year ago we walked into a civil affairs office in China to meet our new daughter.
Over the last year I have shared bits and pieces of our journey with Haven. Some amazing, some challenging. The year has certainly been filled with tremendous highs...and difficult lows.
But today marks a celebration, a time of rejoicing in ALL that God has done in Haven's life. Not a time of focusing on the difficult times. He truly has done great things.
Two years ago we found a little girl on a waiting-child site. We soon learned that her story was sad--filled with hopelessness, abandonment, and too much pain for a child her age. We heard of her first adoption. We were told of the family that she had bonded with--and then had to say goodbye to when she was returned to her orphanage just five days later. Diagnosed in China with profound autism, the family felt that they could not handle her needs and felt it best that she be returned to the place she had come from.
She grieved. She had a family...then she didn't.
When she returned to the orphanage, a directive was passed from the orphanage director that no one should handle this child. She was contagious. She had the dreaded 'Closed Syndrome,' known to us as autism. The director informed staff and other children that if they touched this girl, they would surely catch the 'disease'--and they too would not speak! Being ignorant, they followed the directive. Fear entered their hearts. Orphanage staff were afraid to touch her. They truly believed they would become like her--non-verbal and very developmentally delayed.
The result of this horrible action? A precious child was ostracized. Forced to spend her days alone. For two long years no one touched her. Children refused to play with her. Nannies were too afraid to touch her. No affection. No care. No love. Nothing.
She shut down. Emotionally, developmentally and physically. She literally stopped growing.
I so clearly remember the day I saw her picture. I remember my first call with the agency who had her file. They shared her story with me, that her adoption had been disrupted. I was told about the autism diagnosis and all the details of the five days she had spent with the American family. We read a letter written by the family who adopted her, cautioning any family considering adopting this child that she was indeed "seriously mentally ill"--something they said they were not prepared for.
Our hearts broke!
We knew it as clear as daylight--this child was not autistic. We knew the diagnosis had to be incorrect. We knew we had to go and bring her home, come what may. She had been dealt an awful blow. Should she remain in China, labeled 'mentally disabled,' her future would be hopeless.
Sometimes we just have to dive into the deep end and trust the Lord to get us to the other side. This was one of those times when we knew that we knew that the Lord was calling us to step out of the boat. The Father named her "Haven." He knew she would need a 'safe and sheltered place' after all that she has been through in her short life.
We got through the paperwork as fast as humanly possible. We were so anxious to get to her as fast as we could.
One year ago we walked into that building and met our new daughter. Haven was already there. Her life was about to change. The moment she saw us, we saw absolute terror on her face (which we expected). The 'white people' had come to take her away again. She trembled with fear and clung to the caretaker who had brought her. Oh my goodness, my heart ached seeing her standing there. She was so very afraid.
Most of the time she stared off and would not make eye contact with anyone. She fiddled with her hands and had her eyes half-shut...kind of like she was shutting out everything happening around her. It was heartbreaking to see. She was there in body, but emotionally shut down.
The nanny tried to distract her by pointing to other things. Poor little girl, she looked so tiny--nothing like an almost eight year old. We were shocked at her small stature. She looked like a toddler.
The caretaker was so sweet. She kept feeding her and giving her drinks to distract her. We sat off to the side--giving her space to adjust to us just being near her. Every time we made an attempt to get closer, she screamed and clung to this lady. Fear in her eyes. Absolute terror.
Eventually we got a little closer. She would not come near--but only gave us these looks out the corner of her eye.
She found safety in the arms of the one who had brought her to the civil affairs office. She would not let go!
Eventually, to try and make the transition a little easier (because things were not going well), the sweet caretaker came with us back to our hotel room. She stayed with us for about one hour. When the time came for her to leave, I took Haven (it was the first time I had actually touched her in the three hours we had been together). She screamed when the lady walked out of the room. Grieving sobs that broke our hearts in two.
We prayed like there was no tomorrow.
The presence of the Lord was in that room. It took 45 minutes of her crying that way. Forty-five minutes of terrible grieving. Tears like I have never seen on any child. It was so hard.
And then, all of a sudden, she stopped. Just like that. We looked into her eyes and there was a knowing there--a look that said, "This is okay, I am safe!" God had breathed a quiet assurance into her terrified little heart.
She was safe!
Slowly but surely we started to see this little flower bloom. Right before our very eyes she started coming out of her shell. A beautiful butterfly started emerging. All fear was gone! She bonded with us almost instantly, as the Lord replaced her fear and anxiety with absolute peace.
She looked at her sister and saw a soul mate. She adored her from Day One.
She had found her best friend.
Haven knew that she would never have to let her sister go...ever!
She loves her family with all her heart. She knows with everything that is within her that she will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be abandoned again!
She is NOT FORSAKEN!
And so the journey with Haven continues. Actually, it has only just begun. We have seen a transformation that is nothing short of miraculous.
As many of you who read my blog know, the autism diagnosis was indeed incorrect. There is no autism in sight for this child. No surprises there. Obviously we have a long road ahead. Even today Haven is non-verbal. But you know what? That's okay with us. We get by. We have learned, with the Father's leading and guiding us, how to parent this sweet little angel.
Perhaps she will find her words, perhaps not. That is not our concern, but God's. We think she's perfect just the way she is.
Whatever may be wrong with Haven seems so irrelevant, so small in the bigger picture. We only see everything as being oh so right with her. Today we rejoice. God has turned her life around. Written off as unadoptable, without hope, labelled "mentally ill," without any future--look what God has done in just one year!
We rest in knowing that whatever the future may look like for Haven, it is going to be good. Simply because her God in heaven promises her hope and a future...that is where our peace lies.
How blessed we are to be the parents of this little girl. Thank you Father for sending us! Thank you that Haven has found the safe and sheltered place that you promised her.
Where in the world has one year gone? I can hardly believe that today marks the one-year anniversary of Haven being in our family.
Just one year ago we walked into a civil affairs office in China to meet our new daughter.
Over the last year I have shared bits and pieces of our journey with Haven. Some amazing, some challenging. The year has certainly been filled with tremendous highs...and difficult lows.
But today marks a celebration, a time of rejoicing in ALL that God has done in Haven's life. Not a time of focusing on the difficult times. He truly has done great things.
Two years ago we found a little girl on a waiting-child site. We soon learned that her story was sad--filled with hopelessness, abandonment, and too much pain for a child her age. We heard of her first adoption. We were told of the family that she had bonded with--and then had to say goodbye to when she was returned to her orphanage just five days later. Diagnosed in China with profound autism, the family felt that they could not handle her needs and felt it best that she be returned to the place she had come from.
She grieved. She had a family...then she didn't.
When she returned to the orphanage, a directive was passed from the orphanage director that no one should handle this child. She was contagious. She had the dreaded 'Closed Syndrome,' known to us as autism. The director informed staff and other children that if they touched this girl, they would surely catch the 'disease'--and they too would not speak! Being ignorant, they followed the directive. Fear entered their hearts. Orphanage staff were afraid to touch her. They truly believed they would become like her--non-verbal and very developmentally delayed.
The result of this horrible action? A precious child was ostracized. Forced to spend her days alone. For two long years no one touched her. Children refused to play with her. Nannies were too afraid to touch her. No affection. No care. No love. Nothing.
She shut down. Emotionally, developmentally and physically. She literally stopped growing.
I so clearly remember the day I saw her picture. I remember my first call with the agency who had her file. They shared her story with me, that her adoption had been disrupted. I was told about the autism diagnosis and all the details of the five days she had spent with the American family. We read a letter written by the family who adopted her, cautioning any family considering adopting this child that she was indeed "seriously mentally ill"--something they said they were not prepared for.
Our hearts broke!
We knew it as clear as daylight--this child was not autistic. We knew the diagnosis had to be incorrect. We knew we had to go and bring her home, come what may. She had been dealt an awful blow. Should she remain in China, labeled 'mentally disabled,' her future would be hopeless.
Sometimes we just have to dive into the deep end and trust the Lord to get us to the other side. This was one of those times when we knew that we knew that the Lord was calling us to step out of the boat. The Father named her "Haven." He knew she would need a 'safe and sheltered place' after all that she has been through in her short life.
We got through the paperwork as fast as humanly possible. We were so anxious to get to her as fast as we could.
One year ago we walked into that building and met our new daughter. Haven was already there. Her life was about to change. The moment she saw us, we saw absolute terror on her face (which we expected). The 'white people' had come to take her away again. She trembled with fear and clung to the caretaker who had brought her. Oh my goodness, my heart ached seeing her standing there. She was so very afraid.
Most of the time she stared off and would not make eye contact with anyone. She fiddled with her hands and had her eyes half-shut...kind of like she was shutting out everything happening around her. It was heartbreaking to see. She was there in body, but emotionally shut down.
The nanny tried to distract her by pointing to other things. Poor little girl, she looked so tiny--nothing like an almost eight year old. We were shocked at her small stature. She looked like a toddler.
The caretaker was so sweet. She kept feeding her and giving her drinks to distract her. We sat off to the side--giving her space to adjust to us just being near her. Every time we made an attempt to get closer, she screamed and clung to this lady. Fear in her eyes. Absolute terror.
Eventually we got a little closer. She would not come near--but only gave us these looks out the corner of her eye.
She found safety in the arms of the one who had brought her to the civil affairs office. She would not let go!
Eventually, to try and make the transition a little easier (because things were not going well), the sweet caretaker came with us back to our hotel room. She stayed with us for about one hour. When the time came for her to leave, I took Haven (it was the first time I had actually touched her in the three hours we had been together). She screamed when the lady walked out of the room. Grieving sobs that broke our hearts in two.
We prayed like there was no tomorrow.
The presence of the Lord was in that room. It took 45 minutes of her crying that way. Forty-five minutes of terrible grieving. Tears like I have never seen on any child. It was so hard.
And then, all of a sudden, she stopped. Just like that. We looked into her eyes and there was a knowing there--a look that said, "This is okay, I am safe!" God had breathed a quiet assurance into her terrified little heart.
She was safe!
Slowly but surely we started to see this little flower bloom. Right before our very eyes she started coming out of her shell. A beautiful butterfly started emerging. All fear was gone! She bonded with us almost instantly, as the Lord replaced her fear and anxiety with absolute peace.
She looked at her sister and saw a soul mate. She adored her from Day One.
She had found her best friend.
Haven knew that she would never have to let her sister go...ever!
She loves her family with all her heart. She knows with everything that is within her that she will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be abandoned again!
She is NOT FORSAKEN!
And so the journey with Haven continues. Actually, it has only just begun. We have seen a transformation that is nothing short of miraculous.
As many of you who read my blog know, the autism diagnosis was indeed incorrect. There is no autism in sight for this child. No surprises there. Obviously we have a long road ahead. Even today Haven is non-verbal. But you know what? That's okay with us. We get by. We have learned, with the Father's leading and guiding us, how to parent this sweet little angel.
Perhaps she will find her words, perhaps not. That is not our concern, but God's. We think she's perfect just the way she is.
Whatever may be wrong with Haven seems so irrelevant, so small in the bigger picture. We only see everything as being oh so right with her. Today we rejoice. God has turned her life around. Written off as unadoptable, without hope, labelled "mentally ill," without any future--look what God has done in just one year!
We rest in knowing that whatever the future may look like for Haven, it is going to be good. Simply because her God in heaven promises her hope and a future...that is where our peace lies.
How blessed we are to be the parents of this little girl. Thank you Father for sending us! Thank you that Haven has found the safe and sheltered place that you promised her.
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