another day closer

My day began with an appointment at the adoption office to receive Hailee and Harper's referrals. It was quick and easy. I walked in, the psychologist asked me one or two questions about why I want to adopt these two children, then they read some info to me off their files. It was funny to see our dossier lying on the table. Months and months of hard work now in their hands.

Yep, that's me outside the government building. I figured you'll be seeing me so rarely in these posts that when I do have an opportunity for someone to take a pic with me in it, I'll do it...just for my kiddos to see their Mommy.



Oh I was so tempted to bring out my capris this morning. But I thought twice when I realized they may think I'm a totally incompetent mother who does NOT know how to bundle herself up, and what in the world would I be dressing the darling children in on a 70 degree day. So I whipped out a little sweater too just to make sure everyone was as happy as Larry.

I got to see two baby pics of our girls. I got a lump in my throat and had to fight back the tears while sitting there. It's so different from our first two adoptions in a country where the children are pretty much abandoned secretly. Today I got to hear details about my children that I thought I would never know.  My heart ached.

Here's the strange thing--according to their records Hailee has NO heart condition, but Harper does. All along we thought that Hailee did have a heart condition. Not sure about that.  They had no record of their current weight or height, so there really is no way of telling until I get there. They said that Hailee is very 'quiet', and Harper 'does not attach well to anyone'. Both of the girls are 'psychologically, socially and developmentally delayed'. Yeah, like whatever.

According to their records Hailee is doing so much better than Harper, which is completely the opposite of what we thought.  It seems that there really is no way of knowing exactly how our girls are until they are in my arms, and I can see for myself what's up.  Welcome to the world of adoption!  We learned this lesson a very long time ago...hang onto every single morsel of information you get very loosely, because you never really can be certain what truly is going on with your child.  Botton line--they're either your child, or they're not, no matter what is 'wrong' with them.

There you have it--my two cents worth.

Unfortunately I will have to wait until late tomorrow afternoon to receive the referral letters. Bummer. Hopefully they can get me on a train tomorrow night so that I can get to the girls city by Friday. I think it is about a 12 hour train trip into their region. I am learning to just take one day at a time here. Lots and lots of waiting around.

Oh, the people at the adoption office did tell me NOT to expect the judge to waiver the ten day waiting period (after court). They pretty much said it was completely out of the question in this region. I bit my tongue to prevent myself from telling them that I have the Greatest Judge, the Defender of the Weak, on MY side!  Ooohhh, I was so close to telling them--but figured they might think I'm a total nut and tell me to forget about adopting their children.  So I shut up and just smiled ever so sweetly...knowing full well that my God is more than able to make it happen! 

This gorgeous church is right next to the government building.  An Orthodox Church they tell me.



I've been walking around and taking in the sights, sounds, and smells of this place.  It really is a fascinating city.

I am such a sucker for all things old (not you, Honey).  I LOVE historic buildings.  There is just something magnificent about them.  This city is full of them.  Most of them could do with a good renovation job.  But even as they are, they are simply stunning.

It's wierd, there are places like this.....



And then right next door are places like this......

They're neighbors. Go figure.



Love the detail.



I think I could quite fancy turning this place into my home.



Ah, I never feel too far away from my beloved Africa here.  The burglar bars make me feel quite at home.



Okay, help me out here because this is driving me nuts.  They paint the bottom half of the trees white in China too, but for the life of me I cannot remember the reason for it.  I used to know why they did it. 

Anyone know why they do this? 



Oh my goodness, this has to be the sweetest little police car I ever saw.  Too cute.  I'm wondering how in the world anyone manages to do a high speed chase in that little thing though.  Maybe dynamite does come in small packages and this thing has some serious vooma under the hood.

Things that make me smile.



So there you have it. Another day almost over here in the Ukraine, which means another day closer to our sweet angel girls. I am so praying Friday will be the day we meet. I'm starting to feel a little antsy now, I feel so close, yet still so far away.

I'm longing to get to them now.  Desperately longing.

Thank you for your prayers, I appreciate them so much. I am doing okay on my own. Missing my family something awful. I'm trying hard to stay focussed and not let my emotions run away with me.  Ugh, add the hormones to the emotions, and it really is not a pretty thing.  Remind me why the Lord gave us women hormones?  I'm sure there must be a great reason, I just haven't quite figured it out yet.

Okay, it's taken me like three hours to try and get this thing posted--my internet connection is horrible. I'll save the rest for another post.

Love you all heaps and heaps.

day one

Hello precious friends and family,

How can I ever thank you all enough for your outpouring of love yesterday? Thank you for all the enouraging comments, scripture, and words of advice. It was truly such a blessing to read them all.

Today is a new day--and I have been feeling so much better, I'm happy to report. When I got home last night I decided that if I'm going to make the most of my time here, I had better just put on my big girl undies, trust God with my heart and my family, and deal with it.  And so I did.

A lot of sleep certainly helped too. I woke up feeling rested, and ready for whatever God has in store for me here. A surprise chat with my family on the phone was good medicine for the heart too.

As my first full day in Kiev winds down, I feel like I'm getting the hang of things. My new BFF, Nickolai, came by late last night and gave me a phone (that works!) and paperwork to fill out so that I could get an internet modem. Now he was talking my love language.

Oh life is just so much better with internet. How in the world did we ever get by without it? I have no idea.

Being in Kiev feels somewhat familiar in many ways for me. Before getting married, I traveled a lot. I did manage to see some countries in Eastern Europe--Hungary, Turkey, Bulgaria and Romania. Kiev feels quite similar to some of those places, maybe just busier. The busyness feels like being in China. There are people and cars everwhere. And they sure do drive like the Chinese too (and the SA taxi's, Dad). It's crazy.

I'm learning how to grocery shop by looking at the pictures on the boxes. Some things I've been spot on with, others not so much. It's hit and miss. Today I felt like something yummy to drink, so I looked in the juice isle of the grocery store. Right at the end of the line I found a bottle of something reddish that looked just lovely. Yayee, it even had three English words on it (bonus!), Cherry Fashion Mix. Sounded wonderfully interesting and I felt adventurous enough to try something different. I paid and headed out the store. Couldn't open my juice fast enough. With the security person watching me intently, I opened my bottle and took a ginormous swig. No sooner had the sweet liquid hit my stomach, when all of a sudden I felt this very warm sensation in my tummy. A feeling I knew all too well twenty years ago. This was NOT juice at all. My guess was vodka with a bit of cherry flavoring somewhere in there. Fashion Mix--now I know what that is! Lesson learned--you just never know what you're gonna find in the juice section.

No, of course I didn't drink it all. I knew you were wondering. Most definitely not my thing. Yuck!

My little apartment has been a blessing.  I walked into the bedroom for the first time yesterday and totally laughed.  I imagined my Honey standing next to me and saying, "There you go, wife, it's just your style."



Ummm, no, not quite my style at all. 

I love standing on the teeny little balcony and watching the people go by.  Everyone seems to always be in a rush.  It is so busy.  That is some kind of victory monument from WW2  I'm told.



The view from the sofa--I know, I know...who cares, right?



As in China, cars are a major problem here.  The roads are poorly designed and just cannot cope with all the traffic. They park anywhere and everywhere. See a spot on the sidewalk--grab it as a parking place.  No problem at all.  Anything goes. Just hope and pray the guy behind you leaves before you need to.



Most people live in these ancient apartment buildings.  When we were in China the first time we adopted, we visited a few of these types of buildings.  Here in the Ukraine they are the same as the Chinese apartments.  Run down and old looking from the outside, nasty stairways on the inside, but when you get into the actual homes they are really nice and modernized.

A funky mailbox. How in the world do they even know who's is who's with the numbers all missing?  Beats me.



I loved watching these two lovers enjoying their meal together.  So sweet. That little strip of grass runs down the center of a crazy busy road.  See the cars backed up behind them?  They didn't seem to even notice. Nothing like having your lunch for all to see.



My view.



Today the weather has been glorious.  When Nickolai came to pick me up, it must have been close to 70 degrees.  I have not had a day even near that for months and months living in the mountains.  I was so tempted to wear capri's, but thought I'd play it safe and wear jeans and a light long-sleeved shirt.  When I got to the car, Nickolai was horrified. "Where are your warm clothes?" he asked me.  I was like you must be crazy, dude, the sun is shining and it is beautiful out here.

Then it hit me as we drove along...these people totally bundle up.  Almost 70 and they are still in hats and coats.  Kids are bundled up to their eyeballs.  I'm talking the kind of stuff I put on my kids when we go sledding.  So crazy. 

I guess I'm going to be getting many a finger shook at me when I dress my girls in the summery things I brought with me for them to wear.  Happened to us in China too.  Oh well.

You go, ladies, make sure you bundle up now.  Oops, two are missing their winter hats.  Darn.



My home sweet home apartment building.



The view from the back of my apartment....more apartments. Actually, I think they call them 'flats' here like we do in Africa.



Tomorrow morning I have my appointment at the adoption office to receive Hailee and Harper's referral letters.  Once I have those letters, it gives me permission to travel to their region and visit them in the orphanage.  I'm told that I may get those letters tomorrow, or I may have to wait until Thursday.  I'm trusting for tomorrow.  That way I can leave on the train tomorrow night and head to my daughter's city. I'm so ready!

My heart is anxiously awaiting the moment I meet my angels.  I can hardly wait. As today comes to a close here in Kiev, it brings me another day closer to two little girls who's lives are about to change so radically.

And they have absolutely no idea!

Hanging onto the ONE who holds my everything in the palm of His hands.

safe and sound

Hello from Kiev.

I made it. I'm tired and feeling very tender and emotionally fragile, but doing okay.

Sunday was TOUGH. I honestly felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Saying goodbye to the ones I love the most in this life was so darn hard. Oh my goodness, what a tearful day. I got on the airplane and bawled my eyes out...for hours. I know, I'm such a wimp. Tears flowed until I was completely out of water. I'm sure everyone must have been wondering what on earth was up with this strange woman. Every emotion I had been feeling for the last few days all of a sudden caught up with me.

I got on the flight to Germany and was so incredibly tired. Funny thing was that even as tired as I was, I could NOT sleep. I have never been one to sleep on long flights. I thought this time may be different as I was just so ridiculously tired. But nope...could not do it. I could not turn my brain off, no matter how many sheep I tried to count (does that really even work?). I was totally wired. I needed a distraction--anything to keep me from thinking about my sweet little children all cozy in their beds, and my precious hubby at home. So I got out a book and read it from cover to cover. Karen Kingsbury to my rescue.

I arrived in Kiev about three hours ago--oh my goodness did I realized something FAST! It's going to be sink or swim for me here. I arrived at the airport and was greeted by a very nice young man holding a sign that said "Salim". Oh so close, but not quite right.  I chuckled. He drove me to my apartment, where I was greeted by another man waiting.  An older man.  He carried my suitcase up to my home away from home, gave me a cell phone (which doesn't work), took me out to the balcony and pointed to the grocery store, the bank, and the internet cafe.

That was it.

Um, okey dokey then.  One little probelm--everything he pointed to was on the other side of the blooming road!  I'm talking insanely busy road with cars driving at ten thousand miles an hour. Think China in rush hour traffic for those of you who have been there. How in the world do I even get to the other side alive? 

"No problem", he says and points to the underground walk-through thingy.  Okay then. 

Next thing I know...he leaves. Just like that. I kid you not.  For just a minute I fought back the tears and wondered why in the world I am doing this all alone.  Then HE whispered gently into my ear that I'm NOT alone, and that everything is going to be just fine.  The quiet reassurance that I so desperately needed at that moment. 

So I got myself together and navigated my way to the internet cafe to come and let my family know that I made it safely and am okay.  I have asked the nice man to please get me a modem so that I can have internet access in the place I'm staying.  He said he'll take care of it tomorrow.  I hope so. Until that happens, I'll have to come to the wi-fi place.

Yep--I can tell I'm on the fast track to learning how to nagivate life here in the Ukraine.  Nothing like being thrown in at the deep end, hey?  Thank goodness I'm a good swimmer--I'll get through this.  I have the King of Kings taking each step with me, and that's enough for me.

The reality of what life will look like for the next few weeks has not hit me yet. I know it will soon. I have been so blessed to be able to travel with my husband so many times. He handles everything. The money, the internet, the food. He just does it. Now it's just me, and I have to learn to navigate the system here. Some of it intimidates me, I'll be honest. The Lord has been so gracious and kind to me in the last 24 hours--I sense His arms around me, holding me tight. I know that I am NOT alone in this place. His sweet presence surrounds me.

Thank you for all the sweet words of encouragement I got when I logged onto my blog tonight.  Please know that I appreciate it so very much.  It means the absolute world to me to know that so many of you are praying and journeying with me from afar.

Love you all.

PS  Please excuse the spelling mistakes, I am rushing to get this done so that I don't have to find my way home in the dark.

"Go!"

Running out the door to head to the airport.

I can't believe this day has finally arrived.  My heart is full of anticipation...and sadness.  This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.  My children are heartbroken, they don't want mommy to go.  My hubby and I have never been separated for this long.  It is not going to be easy, and we all know that.

Still, we're holding tightly onto the ONE who will see us all through.  The ONE who will bring comfort in times of longing to be with each other.  The ONE who will bring me home sooner than expected. We're holding on.

Thank you for your prayers, sweet friends.  I appreciate them more than you can ever know.

Yes, I absolutely will be blogging in the Ukraine for all of you who have asked.  I'll post as often as I can.

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged for God is with you wherever you go!    Joshua 1:9                                                                 Joshua 1:9 ve I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid: do not be discouraged, for God is with you wyou go. 

Joshua 1:9

Here I go.   He said "Go"...and in complete surrender and obedience I'll go, not matter how hard, how painful, or what the cost! I'll leave our hearts in His hands today and in the days to come.

Hang tight, Hailee and Harper, your mommy is on the way.

Love you all.

into the unknown

Oh my word, sweet friends, three more sleeps.  The days are just flying by as I try to get everything done before I fly out on Sunday.

While my world is so crazy busy, truthfully my heart is aching.  The next three days are going to be so tough. I just cannot imagine saying goodbye to my precious family for such a long time. Goodness, I don't know how I'm going to do it.  Anthony keeps reminding me to see this as a mission from the Lord, something He is sending me on.  When the Father sends us, He equips us with everything we need to accomplish the task.  I know it's the truth.  I know I'll probably feel better once I am on that flight and heading out of here, but the actual saying goodbye is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

So many of you have written to me and asked about specific things that I need prayer for. You're all so amazing.

Here goes:

~~~For my heart!

That God would give me the grace to do this journey alone. That the longing to be with my family would not be too intense, and that He will enable me to go through this season alone. I will be missing Easter, my son's birthday and my hubby's birthday. I seriously need heaps and heaps of grace. I am not a very strong person when it comes to things like this.

~~~ Timing

Potentially there could be MANY delays in country.  Many families get there and are faced with obstacles that prevent their adoption from being completed quickly. Some wait it out, while others return home and then go back at a later stage to complete the adoption. I obviously don't want that! I just want to bring my babies home. I don't want to stay there longer than a month. 

~~~ My family here at home

Please pray that my children will be okay without mommy around for the next month. That their little hearts would be at peace.  This is going to be so hard for them, especially my five year old.  He is very attached to his mommy.

~~~ That Anthony will arrive in the Ukraine in God's perfect timing

We got told last week that there is a possibility that the judge in the region may (or may not) want to see Anthony in court.  We are praying he does NOT! We don't want Anthony to have to be gone from home for too long. And the judge needing to see him will mean that he will have to be there way longer than we need him to be. He just cannot miss much work.

~~~ No ten day waiting period

Most regions in the Ukraine implement a ten day waiting period after court.  Some regions waiver this waiting period, some don't.  I am told that I will be given an opportunity to stand before the judge and tell him why I would like him to waiver it.  Please trust with me that I would have the right words to say, and that the Spirit of God would move on his heart (even now!).  If he does not waiver it, it means I will only come home in May.  Not good at all.

There are so many unknowns.  I'm just going to have to get there, and see how things unfold one day at a time.

A dear friend reminded me today that God has been so exceedingly amazing since the day we committed to adopting Hailee.  She's absolutely right.  He has.  He has moved every single mountain that has stood before us and has left us speechless time and time again.

Today I have had to remind myself that the same God who has got us this far, will carry me through the next few weeks too. 

Whew, friends.  So many emotions.  I'm up, down, and all over the place emotionally.  I know that when I board that airplane on Sunday, and goodbyes have been said, I can begin to focus on the mission the Lord is sending me on.  Right now, my heart is truly aching to say goodbye to my family. It's so hard for me.

Thank you for your love and your support.  You are all such a blessing to me. I appreciate your prayers more than words can say.

Keeping my eyes on the prize that awaits me on the other side. It is all going to be so worth it!

** If you are new to my blog and are wondering why in the world I'm traveling alone, you can read it here. Due to how long the trip is, we are trusting that Anthony can come to the Ukraine right at the end of the process so that he can fly home with me and the girls.  He cannot take a whole month off work.

family

There truly is nothing more special than the gift of family, is there?

My family all live in South Africa.

Yesterday we traveled to Denver to pick up my Dad and Beth.  My kids were so super excited.  Oh how they love these two. The distance between us has never affected our relationship negatively--it has only brought us closer together. When we are together, we treasure every minute.

We arrived at the airport a little early. Such a special day for these little ones.

We waited.



And waited.





Finally the time got nearer, so we moved into a position where we could see perfectly.



Got our cameras ready...

Yayeeeee...there they come!



Such a joyful reunion.



A sweet embrace. It has been way too long, Kellan.



We are so very thankful they made the extremely long trip. All that way to come and be with our children while we travel to the Ukraine. I can leave knowing that my kids are in great hands--and they'll have the best time too.

The gift of family. There really is nothing quite like it. The Lord knows we all need family.

Counting my blessings today that I have my family here.

am I really?

I keep wondering if it really is true.

Am I really going to finally meet our two daughters in just a few days?  Like, um, next week?

Oh my goodness, the reality of it all is finally starting to sink in.  I leave in just seven days.

Soon I will get to hold this little sweetie....

And this one too...

I won't have to stare at the same two little photos over and over again.

In just a few days I can finally snuggle them and kiss their sweet little faces. They probably won't have any idea what hit them.  Chances are they will have no idea what it feels like to be held tightly and showered with affection.

For nine long months we have looked at these two little pictures. We have wondered what they look like now.  Have they changed?  Have they grown a little?  Can they sit?  Or even walk? Can they eat solid food, or do they only drink from bottles? What is their health like?  Are they even okay?

Every adoptive parent knows and understands all too well that agonizing feeling of going to bed at night and wondering if your child on the other side of the world is warm enough in their bed.  Or did they have enough to eat? Is there someone to care for them?  Does anyone hold them when they cry?

The long wait is finally coming to an end for us.  It feels so surreal.  I have to keep reminding myself that this really, really is going to happen. I am going to be a mommy to two more gorgeous little angels. God's goodness completely overwhelms me.

Wow--I really am leaving soon. Just seven more days.

Hallelujah!

don't hold back

How can we ever thank those of you who supported our auction?  We are SO very grateful!

The Lord has once again been good to us.  We asked Him for $1000 from the auction.

Oh what little faith we have....

He blessed us with $1500!!!

Such a huge blessing.  Thank you so much for your support, friends.

So often people tell us that they would love to adopt a child.  You know the one thing that keeps them from actually doing it?

Finances.

There is no denying that adoption is expensive.  Unfairly so, in my opinion.  It should not be that way.  But it is--and there is nothing we can do to change it.  Rescuing children costs money.  Heaps of it.

The reality of it is that there are few of us who have $25, 000+ lying around.  We sure don't.  My hubby is a Hospice Chaplain.  We live on one very average income.  If you consider the size of our family versus what we earn, it is a bit crazy.  But we have never seen Anthony's employment as the source of our provision.  Instead, we choose to look to the ONE who can supply every single one of our needs--and always does.  Faithful and True is His name.  The only Provider who never fails us.  He is our ultimate source of provision in our family.

So, coming back to adoption.  I want to tell those of you who feel that you cannot adopt a child due to the high ransom that needs to be paid, that God is MORE than able to provide.  Yes, He is.  I can tell you because each and every time we step out and bring a child home, I do wonder where in the world the money is going to come from.  I do wonder how God is going to make it come together.  In my flesh, I doubt and wonder.  But in my heart and spirit, I know my God.  The One who has never, ever, not once, let my family go without.

Every time we adopt a child, the Lord does it.  Every single time! 

Hailee and Harper's adoption has been our most expensive so far, especially with our adopting two children. The Lord has totally amazed us.  He has provided in ways we never imagined. We knew that we would need about $30,000 [which seemed like an enormous about of money when we were just starting out]. The Ukraine is not a cheap adoption--especially when there are two children.

You know the thing that truly blows my mind?  Most of this money has been provided by complete strangers.  People we have never met. Some who even live in different countries.  So amazing.  So God.  He uses whoever He chooses to be the blesser, no matter where in the world they may be.  

Anthony and I are the ones God has called to parent Hailee and Harper.  But, when God calls us to do something, He can't help but mobilize the glorious Body of Christ to come alongside us.  We are never called to do things alone. When we step out and do the impossible, He surrounds us with His mighty army in the battle [for orphans] and equips us with everything we need to accomplish the task.  And do it well, not lacking a single thing. 

An adoption is not just about the family taking in the orphan.  It's about community.  It's about many people playing a part in the child's story.  And that even applies to paying the exorbitant fees.  God, who sits on His throne in heaven, speaks the word, and His army rushes in to help. It's just that simple.

It's the truth.  This is the third time we're living this out.  Miraculous provision.

Does that mean we just sit back and do absolutely nothing, expecting the Father to just rain down money from heaven?  No way!  We do our part.  We work hard and come up with creative ways to fundraise, and then we trust the Lord to bless the fruit of our labor.  I tell you, He just can't help but do it.  We serve a God of immense blessing.

Please, dear friends, if you are one of those sitting on the fence, so anxious and eager to adopt a child, but feel like a humongous wall stands between you and your child--PLEASE don't let the lack of finances hold you back.  It really just begins with a step of obedience.  A stepping out of the boat and saying, "Okay, Lord, I trust you in this.  You are more than able to provide for something YOU have commanded us to do."  And then just go for it!  I beg you to not let the financial hurdle hold you back.

Many may disagree with what I'm about to say, with is totally fine.  I don't, for one second, believe that "Adoption Loans" are the way to go.  I just don't.  Sure, they may serve a purpose for the last little remaining amount one may need to complete an adoption, but I truly do not believe they should ever be a starting point.  Why?  Because God loves, loves, loves to show Himself faithful.  He loves to show His glory for all to see.  And I believe that trusting Him to provide for an adoption is just one of the ways that He can show Himself faithful to the world who watches.  The glory belongs to Him.  I believe that when we rush and take out loans and credit cards to rescue a child, we're robbing God of His glory.  We're robbing Him of an opportunity to show the world that He adores orphans, and so desperately desires for us, as Christians, to bring them home, no matter what the cost! I don't think the creator of the universe expects us to go into debt to to fulfill a COMMAND in His Word (to care for orphans).  That's just the conviction of my heart.

He is MORE than able to provide.  My goodness, if He can part the sea, surely He can bring in a bit of money?  It's nothing for Him.

Just do it, friends.  Go and rescue one of God's children.  He'll amaze you on the journey.  Your life and your faith will never be the same again. I promise.

Thank you!  From the bottom of our hearts, thank you to each and every one of you who has sown seed into our adoption.  Whether it be $5 or $5000.  Whether it be an item for our auction, or clothes that have been mailed to me for Hailee and Harper.  Whether it be encouraging comments, or heartfelt prayers. We are so very grateful for each and every bit of seed that has been sown.  The Father has blessed it abundantly, as I know you too have been blessed by your giving.

I appreciate you all so much.

Counting the days until I can finally hold my daughters. So close!

lists, a ginormous snowman, and dates

We are completely blown away by the generous hearts of so many of you who placed a bid on our auction. Wow! I can't tell you the total we raised just yet as there are still a couple of items waiting for the bidding to close.  As soon as I know, I'll be sure to let you know.

My days are full to overflowing. Ever had that feeling where you have so much to do, but you just don't know where to even begin? I find myself standing still in one spot, and not quite knowing where to move next.

I have made lists.  Lots and lots of lists. 

A to-do list.

A what to buy list.

A what to take overseas list.

A cleaning list.

A what to throw away so that it does not make the move to VA list.

A don't forget list.

A reminder list--just in case I forget anything on any of the above lists.  One can never have too many lists, you know? 

Yep--I'm drowning in my little lists here.  It's crazy.

And while I'm methodically checking off my lists as things start [kind of sort of] falling into place, the reality of what life is going to look like for the next few weeks has begun to sink in. I'm going to be away from my family for a long time, and that is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my married life.  How in the world am I going to cope being separated from the ones I love for a whole month (or more if there are any delays)?

Oh my word, only the Lord knows.  Because I sure do not.  Grace, grace, grace.

I'm keeping my eyes on the prize!

~~~~~~

I absolutely love the spring forward thing that you have here in the States.  I love that the days are longer.  I love that warmer weather is just around the corner.  It takes a little longer to get to the high mountains that we live in, but it does eventually come. The promise of spring.  I LOVE spring.

Last Sunday we got heaps and heaps of snow.  Since then the days have been warmer, and the kids just had to get out of the house.  I agreed, and school took a backseat (oh well). They spent hours in the sun, building an enormous snowman, and getting rid of some major energy.

Big kids--gotta love them.  It sure does not take them long to figure out that they can get the little guys to do all the work for them.  This little one worked his tail off.



While the big kids patted, sculptured, molded and got their huge balls of ice looking just right.



Team effort--that's what families are made of.





While Cade rolled and rolled and rolled that huge ball of ice until he literally could not move it anymore.



Meet Bob the [very large] snowman.  Sweet success.



My kids love and treasure Monday nights.  It means date night with Daddy for the girls, or hanging out time with Daddy for the boys.  Anthony takes each child out individually on Monday nights.  It is his alone time with them.  They go for coffee or a milkshake, or whatever their little hearts desire. Their choice. It is their special one-on-one time with Daddy.  They absolutely love their time with their Dad.

Cade, who is only 5, gets a little impatient when he has to wait such a long time for his alone time with Daddy.  He sees the kids go week after week and just doesn't quite get that his turn will eventually come.  When it's his week, he makes a little countdown chart which he tapes to the fridge and then religiously starts marking off the days.....



Until eventually he gets his alone time with the Daddy he adores.

Priceless.



I don't think I should break it to Cade just yet that his wait time is about to be extended just a wee bit with two more treasures being added into the mix.  

More and more snow for us today and tomorrow. I was told well over a foot. Yikes.

Happy spring everyone.

auction ends tonight

I just wanted to remind you all that our e-bay auction closes tonight at 8pm (mountain time).  Thank you so much to all of you who have placed a bid on an item.  We are so very thankful.  If you haven't, and would still like too, you have until tonight.

Thank you for your support, dear friends.

We are so close to our goal...and our children.

The Lord has been amazing.  God of wonders!

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness gracious--I had this LONG post all ready to be posted this morning.

BUT.......

When I came to check my e-mail, my oh my did I get some AMAZING NEWS!!!!! And I just have to share it with you--all the amazing people who have prayed and prayed with me for months on end.

I WILL HEADING TO THE UKRAINE FOR MY ANGELS IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!  That's soon.  Sooner than we expected.

They passed our dossier without any questions at all.  Now all I need to do is book flights, get packed, and go and bring our precious treasures home.

To say that I am overwhelmed is an understatement.  What a journey this has been. Rivers of tears keep flowing.

To God be the glory--GREAT things He has done.

I'll share more later tonight.  For now, I can't see through the tears. I simply cannot believe this long wait is finally coming to an end, and Hailee and Harper will soon be in my arms.

Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Thank you, thank you, for all your precious words of encouragement yesterday. It means the absolute world to me.  I was moved to tears as I read the things you shared. I'll share my heart with you later.

the blues

Forgive me for not being around too much these days.  I've kinda been experiencing the bloggy blues.  My heart has just not been into blogging recently.

Truth be told, I'm not too sure about where to go with this little blog of mine.  I do love blogging, and it's a great way for my family living so far away to keep up with my life (which is why I started blogging in the first place).  But, I don't know.  There have been many times recently when people leave me such nasty comments, and I hate that.  I don't mind anyone differing from my opinions at all. In fact, I welcome it with open arms.  But, there is a point where I draw the line between sharing a difference in opinion respectfully, and just being completely mean.  Of course those comments are all left as "anonymous". They are the nameless ones. It just seems so senseless to me that people would actually waste their time finding ways to be miserable.  I guess if they've run out of ways to do it in their own personal lives, they'll find blogs to vent on.

I just don't get it!  I'm not a thick-skinned person.  I struggle to just let things go most of the time.  Miserable comments really hurt.  And right now I'm seriously wondering if this blogging thing is worth it. It seems that for some I am a complete loser for adopting from foreign countries when there are kids here in the US that need to be adopted (ugh, it gets so tiring reading that after a while), for others I am doing the Down syndrome community such a huge injustice for using the 'wrong language' (whatever that means), and there are those who are just critical of anything and everything I write about. Do they have nothing better to do in life?

I like that I can just delete the nasty comments--they have no place on my blog.  But still, I have to read them first, and some of them just hurt like crazy.

So you see, I'm at a little bit of a crossroads right now.  I just don't know what to do, and where to go with this.  I have considered going private, and that is certainly an option.  That way I know exactly who is reading, and I quite like that.  But I also know that there are lurkers here who have prayed as we have journeyed to Hailee and Harper--and I don't want to cut them off just because I don't know who they are.  I know some would love to see Hailee and Harper come home.  There are others though, who I wish would seriously just take a left and keep going!

This public blogging stuff really opens one up to the lovely readers who can hide behind their anonymity and say whatever they feel like saying.  Cowards.

I'm praying, because I don't know what to do.  Part of me wants to say what the heck, let them say whatever they like.  The other part of me wants to go private so that I can only surround myself with those who want to read my blog for the right reasons.

I just don't know. I do know that I am so not alone with this.  It seems that many have experienced it. Now it's just my turn, I guess.

I'm just experiencing the bloggy blues right now.

so ready

Thank you all for your kind words as we celebrated our anniversary.  We had a lovely, lovely day.  Anthony surprised me when he came home from work.  He arrived with flowers, my favorite Cadbury chocolate (best chocolate in the world, by the way), a beautiful card...and a babysitter!  We left our kids in the capable hands of a young man we adore, and the two of us went out for dinner. Alone. Not something we get to do very often.

It was just perfect!

I can hardly wait to see what the next thirteen years have in store for us.  I love the adventures God takes our family on. If ever I'm feeling bored with life, I know we must be missing Him completely, because life in the Lord is never dull nor boring.

It's been a busy week in our family.  We are very thankful for the outpouring of support on our E-bay auction.  Amazing.  We are so deeply touched by the hearts of people we don't even know.  It truly is such a humbling experience to walk this road of adoption fundraising.  Whenever we start an adoption, I do wonder how in the world God is going to provide.  I really do wonder.  But, I know He always will.  I will share my heart and thoughts on this in a post of its own.  I long to see more people stepping out of the boat and adopting children.  I long with all my heart.  Finances should never be a reason to say NO.

We have added a few new items to the auction, please go and check them out.  More to be added tomorrow night.  People just keep giving and giving and giving.

The glorious Body of Christ!

We still have not had any word on our dossier.  Most of you know that there were a few issues with it in Hailee and Harper's country.  They were not happy about some wording in one of the documents. We thought we would hear this week, but it seems like we need to hang tight until next week.  We trusting and believing that it will be passed, and a travel date will be given really soon.

Today someone asked me something I get asked frequently, "Are you ready to bring the girls home?"

YES!

I'm ready.  My heart is ready.  My arms are ready.  We're as ready as we'll ever be.  A little nervous?  Absolutely. I am so thankful we know the One who enables us! We're going into this adoption with our hearts open and our eyes fixed on the Lord.  We know He will equip us and enable us every step of the way.  For us, it's just that simple. We absolutely cannot wait to add these two amazing little treasures to our family.  Such joy!

I love this scripture...

"Her arms are strong for her tasks."  Prov 31:17

I know He will make my arms strong for the task that lies ahead.  I just know that to be truth.  Will it be easy?  Probably not. I am convinced though, that the things God calls each one of us to do in this life are hardly ever easy. Are they? If they were easy, why would we ever need a Savior to rely on?  The challenging roads allow me to press into God and trust Him with everything that is within me.  That's just where He wants me to be--fully relying on Him.

There truly are no words to express how excited we are that Hailee and Harper will soon be part of us.  Never to be called orphans again.  So amazing.

Time seems to be flying by. Before I know it, it will be time to leave my family behind for a few weeks and head overseas to bring my angels home. The thought of leaving my family already makes me all teary.  I'm going to need a whole lot of grace to get through it.

My kids are super excited.  They're counting down the sleeps until my Dad arrives from South Africa. My goodness, but they miss my family something awful.  Dad and his girlfriend, Beth, will be with us until June.  That is such a treat for us.  To have family with us for that long will be such an enormous blessing, and help. They're coming from the hot South African summer, to the cold Colorado spring.  What a shock to the system.  South Africans are not used to cold weather.  It really takes some getting used to for us Southern Hemisphere folks.

We're counting our blessings daily.  Great things He has done--and continues to do.

thirteen

This week we celebrate a very blessed thirteen years together.

And what an exceedingly blessed time it has been.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine my life would turn out the way it has. But oh my goodness, I am so glad God knew better.

It sure has been one crazy ride for Anthony and I.

Fourteen years ago I was well on my way to making a complete and utter mess of my life. I knew the Lord, but had totally taken my life into my own hands.  I was making a complete hash of things.

Then one day in winter in South Africa, it happened.  A complete stranger walked into my life.  He actually walked into my office where I worked--looking for a map of the city.  I did public relations for the city I lived in back then.

That day changed my life forever.  It was our destiny.  It was a day the Father of the universe had destined to happen even before the foundation of the earth. A day our God took a man and a woman, put us together and said, "This is good."

Anthony had just arrived in our coastal city in South Africa the day before that meeing.  He came there as a missionary...ready and willing to do whatever the Lord told him to do.  Little did he know that he would meet his wife so soon after arriving on his missionfield. He had been single for 38 years.  He had traveled the world many times over. His job as an international model took him to all four corners of the globe.  He worked at some of the most exotic locations on the globe. Anthony lived in Europe for years and years as a model. He did well there, and became one of the top male models in the world.  When the Lord told him enough--he quit. 

That very day, we knew.  We knew that the Lord had brought us together.

We were engaged three months after we met. Anthony was a host on Christian radio.  He proposed on the air. Actually, he prerecorded his entire show, and arranged it so that he could be where I was when his show was on air. So while he was proposing live on radio, he was actually with me.

It was a moment I will cherish forever.

Six months later we were married.  Our wedding was just the way we wanted it to be--small and simple.  No fuss.  A morning wedding with a lunch.  We had saved even our first kiss for the altar. 

It was magical.

And here we are thirteen years later.  We've lived on three continents. We're moved and lived in more houses than I care to even count. We've made the most amazing friendships along the way. We've said goodbye to people we love way too often. We've given up our own dreams and desires and tried to follow Jesus with all of our hearts.  We're made mistakes. We've stumbled. We had our hearts broken for the things that break His. We accumulated more children than we ever dreamed of.

Through it all I can honesty say one thing--God has been so good to us!  He has never, ever let us down.  Not once.  He has never let us go without.  He has always made a way though any wilderness we have faced.  He has been our defender, and our strong tower.

How blessed I am to be married to the man the Lord chose to be my husband. There is not a day that goes by that I do not thank the Father for bringing us together--from opposite ends of the earth.  I cannot imagine journeying the road we are on with anyone else. Actually, I cannot think of anyone else who would even be willing to do it with me. I count my blessings daily.

I am blessed with a husband who seeks God above all else.  A man after the Father's heart is he.

As we journey into our fourteenth year together I have a heart of expectation.  Who knows what the year will bring?  A move across the States?  Yes.  Two more beautiful children? Yes.  But what else? I have absolutely no idea.  The only thing I do know is that we are completely surrendered to the Father.  In everything!  There is no place we would rather be than right in the center of His will for our lives. 

I feel so blessed today.  Not just because still think I am married to the hottest man on the planet.  Not just because I have a family I am crazy about.  But simply because I know HIM--and that makes everything in my life just so amazing. So beautiful.

it's FINALLY happening

After hours and hours of working at trying to find an auction site that would WORK, we are FINALLY up and running.

We have set up an e-bay auction, and have a number of really lovely things to auction.

This is our final big fundraiser to bring in the last $3000 that we need to adopt Hailee and Harper.

 

Just click on the link here to get directly to the auction site.

Sweet friends, do you think you could help me out, please?  If you have time, would you mind helping me spread the word?  The auction ends in ten days, and we would LOVE to raise a decent amount of money off it.  The more people we can bring to the site, the better.  Just a simple e-mail to friends and family with the link would be such an enormous blessing.

How can I ever thank all of you enough for the items that were mailed to me?  Every single item on the auction was donated--most by amazing people we have never even met.  Please know that Anthony and I are so absolutely thankful.  Your generosity has blown us away.

Thank you for helping us bring Hailee and Harper home, friends.  And thank you for helping me to spread the word.  It truly means the world to me, my family...and my precious daughters waiting for their mommy and daddy to come and bring them home.

Just $3000...that's IT!

God is just so unbelievably amazing.  He leaves me speechless.  My heart cannot even begin to fathom His great love for Hailee and Harper.  He truly has moved heaven and earth to bring them home.

I am beginning to feel like I can almost reach out and touch my beautiful little girls. So close. We're still praying for a first week of April travel date.

***  If anyone would still like to help with an item for our auction--please e-mail me at [email protected].  There is still time to add more things. 


Be totally blessed, dear friends.

it's just stuff

How in the world do you 'scale down'--when your family is growing?

That, my friends, is my mission these days. To try and figure out how in the world I am going to get rid of a whole bunch of stuff so that our family of nine can fit into our next house. As many of you have read recently, we're heading back to the East coat in May. Virginia, for those of you who asked.

(You can read about our move here if you missed it.)

We own a home there. We bought it about five years ago. At that time we had three kiddos and pretty much thought that would be it for our family. Yeah, right! We had good intentions of moving into the house after we bought it, but it just never worked out that way. Until now.

As Anthony and I ponder our upcoming move, and our reasons for doing it, we feel so strongly that the Lord had us buy that little house for a reason back then. He knew that some day we would need it. What a blessing it is going to be for our family.

Affordable. Centrally located--right in the inner city.

As we prepare to be inner city dwellers, there is so much that I need to sort out.  For one, how to scale down from a large-ish five bedroom home, to a teeny little home with zero storage.  And no garage in sight. Oh my goodness. It's historic, and either they did not have a lot of stuff back in 1908, or perhaps they just didn't squish nine people into those row houses.

Yep, home sweet home will be a British row house.  You know the ones? They look like this...

They go up three levels, and down into the basement.  There is absolutely no need to ever have a gym membership because the number of stairs in these homes are sure to keep any rear end in great shape.  Definitely a plus in my opinion.

We're thankful to the Lord for His amazing provision in our lives.  I have recently had days where I have wondered if we have totally lost our minds to be 'scaling down' in such a big way in this season of our lives.  But you know what? I am actually looking forward to it.  I look around my home and all I see is stuff.  Lots and lots of stuff.  More than we could ever possibly need.  There is just too much of it. It's just clutter, really.

About five years ago, around the time we bought our little inner city home, Anthony and I made a promise to the Lord.  We told Him that we would never strive to live a 'comfortable life'.  We told the Lord that we would do whatever He wanted us to do in this life, and if that meant that we would have to be uncomfortable, or at a place where we were forced to rely on Him and Him alone, then so be it.  Isn't that the only place he truly want us to be?  At that place of complete surrender?

I absolutely believe so.

For the last five years, I must say that we have been pretty comfortable. We've lived with an abundance of most things. Sure, we live very frugally, but still have had more than enough.

As I work daily at de-cluttering my life and my home, the Lord has reminded me of that little conversation we had with Him all those years ago. Time and again He has reminded me that we, as Americans, have more than 90% of the world's population.  We sure do. We are all about our own comfort. Our homes are filled to overflowing with stuff and more stuff. Mine included.  I needed to be reminded. 

When we lived in Africa, and real poverty was in our faces daily, it was easy to remember how very blessed we were.  But living here in the USA, I forget.

I forget how the rest of the world lives.

I forget how exceedingly blessed I am.

I forget about the desperate needs of others outside of my four walls.

I forget that we are never, ever without.

If a mama in central Uganda can live happily in her little home the size of my bedroom--with her six children, and her husband--then I can absolutely be content in my little inner city home that the Father has blessed with me.

I guess it's just how I choose to see things.

How blessed I am!

I have a heart of anticipation.  We truly do not know what the Lord is going to do in this next season of our lives. As we plant our family in the inner city, our hearts are open to whatever He wants...even if that means being a little squished.  Knowing His perfect will, and being obedient to answer the call is the only thing that can really bring me real fulfillment in this life.

He is ALL I really need.  All I long to have is more of Him...and so much less of me!

I cannot wait to see what adventures await us in the inner city.

still no word

No news is good news, right?

Still no word on our dossier.

Did I tell you I'm the worst waiter? Waiting is so not my thing. At all.

Thanks for all the e-mails. I'll let you know as soon as we know.

Praying for FAVOR--that our dossier has passed all the red tape. Please, Father! If they've rejected it, part of our home study will have to be redone in a huge hurry. That will not be a good thing for my sweet darling girls who wait.

Trusting!

{sigh}

up and down

How can I ever thank you all enough for your prayers? Tomorrow is a big day.  We wait in anticipation for good news--trusting that our God in heaven will once again move heaven and earth on our daughters behalf. We're praying that our dossier is passed...and that a travel date is soon to follow.

How wonderful that would be.

Aaah, life! I find myself vacillating between feeling like superwoman one minute--and the next thing I know, I'm wondering whether we have completely lost our minds with everything we have going on.  Geez, talk about a roller coaster ride.  My emotions are all over the place these days.

Maybe it's the reality that there could, possibly, be further delays in us getting to our girls.  Maybe it's the emotions that come after many months of paperwork challenges. Perhaps it's the ever-present naysayers that get me down.

For whatever reason, it's just been one of those days for me.

But my family--they just make everything okay.  I look at my treasure on this earth and I truly do feel so blessed. I don't know what I ever did to deserve them.  And to think that God ordained, before the foundation of the earth, that I would be mommy to two more of His most treasured angels...that makes me emotional all over again.

My heart swells as I watch my boys growing up. They're no longer little (other than my five year old), they're growing up to be mighty men of a faithful God.  What a delight.  



And their Daddy.  Oh how I love their Daddy. He constantly pours himself out for these whom God has blessed him with. I love watching him teach these mighty warriors new things. 



And I love watching them learn from their Daddy.  Together.

New skills.  New ways of seeing things.  New ways of doing things.

They're learning.  Side-by-side.

Together.



With their beloved Daddy (and the dog who thinks he is just the best thing that ever happened on the face of the universe).



There can be nothing sweeter for this Mommy...than just observing, watching, taking it in, counting my blessings and literally naming them one by one.



They just make everything okay. Even on these kinds of days.

The gift of family.



When we're not playing games, and learning at home together, we're out and about.

While the big boys did a homeschool science class dissecting sheep brains (so NOT my thing!), the little sweethearts and I hung out and read books.  We love books! 



We love to read together as a family.



We love giving our children opportunities to learn and experience new things.



Oh sweet little Haven--how far this angel has come.  She is like a little sponge--soaking up everything around her. Even six months ago she would never have played a little game of peek-a-boo with me as I tried to take her picture.  Never.  What an absolute treasure this beautiful little girl is to our family.



And her seriously bright sister brings such joy to my heart.  She is going to be smarter than her Mommy in no time. There's no stopping her.  She loves to learn.



Who cares if Haven does not speak--her smile says more than any words could ever convey. I absolutely adore this picture of my angel.



Just hanging out together--even at the library--that's what we love to do best!



Tomorrow brings new things, new challenges, new highs, new lows, new emotions and new situations to deal with.

Only one thing stays the same.  From everlasting to everlasting.

His Name is Jesus.

FAITHFUL AND TRUE!