I am so fired up-so downright mad tonight. Truth is, I hardly ever feel this way. But today I have had enough!
When Anthony and I set out to adopt our first special needs daughter four years ago, we already had three sons. Phew, some thought we had a big family already. But still, the response we got was nothing but love and support. Most thought our family was now complete…yea, the Salems finally had their daughter. Not. Then the Lord led us to Haven. Were we looking to adopt another special-needs child? Nope. But our Father in heaven clearly had different plans. For the most part, family and friends once again supported our mission.
But this time-oh how different things are turning out to be. This time it seems that we have taken things just a tad too far for some! It seems that, for some, we have crossed over from being a family who was led by the Lord, to being a family who no longer hears from God and has taken things completely into their own hands. This time it seems that we have completely lost the plot…and some are letting us know exactly how they feel. Down Syndrome? Are we sure about that? How in the world are we going to afford to feed another child? Can we handle this? Do we know that she will be dependent on us for the rest of our lives? Do we know that she may die once she is home? What about the other children in our home? Bla bla bla!
Honestly? We’ve had it! The experiences we have had from the last week have left me feeling physically sick. Something is seriously wrong when the most support we get is on my blog-from people whom we do not even know personally-people who just understand God’s heart for adoption.
I have often heard stories of adoptive families coming up against opposition from family and friends when they stepped out in faith to adopt a child. I always counted my blessings that we never really experienced that. Until now. Now I understand.
Hailee is a child. A beautiful child. No different from any other child in the world. She is fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. Like any other child, God’s plans and purposes for her are to prosper her in every area of her life. Will His plans for her be the same as my other children? Absolutely not. They will be different-her own destiny, however that may look.
What right do I have to surrender my whole life to the Lord, to serve Him with everything that is within me-only to tell Him what I can and cannot handle in this life? Does He not know that already? “Um, sure Lord, I can adopt another child, but I can only handle this or that special need.” Huh? Is that really surrender? What if my own biological child was born with Down Syndrome? Would I go crying to the Lord, “This is too hard, Lord. I just can’t do it; it is way too hard!” No way. I’d love that baby like there was no tomorrow-being assured of the knowledge that my God does everything WELL. And if He chose to BLESS us with a biological child who had a seriously medical condition, so be it, we would accept His precious gift and love him or her just as equally as our healthy children. No questions asked.
So, what in the world is the difference with adopting a Down Syndrome child? The Almighty has chosen to bless us with this gift (and she IS a gift). I absolutely love how the Message Bible translates Psalm 127:5…“Don’t you see that children are God’s BEST GIFTS? That’s right-His best gifts! No matter what is wrong with them-all children are His best gifts.
“But Anthony and Adeye-you can’t adopt them all.” Well, duh! We know that. “Why don’t you go out on the mission field and just start an orphanage?” Well, guess what, we are-it’s called the Salem home. And besides, orphanages definitely have their place-ONLY because the Christians are not taking up their mandate and caring for the orphans as they are commanded to. Yes, orphanages have their place, but they are certainly not Christ’s ultimate heart for ideal orphan care. Loving homes are. I mean seriously, have you ever met an adult who aged out of an orphanage and heard him or her say, “Yeah, I tell you, I absolutely loved living in that orphanage. I never, ever wanted a family of my own.” Not me.
In my Bible it does not say if you are called, or if you feel like it, or if you have enough money in the bank, or if you only have two children…no, my Bible commands us to take care of the widows and the orphans. Period! No excuses.
So, here we are. Counting the cost, really. Some who are close to us think we’re nuts…when all we long for is for them to embrace our new daughter as part of the family. But you know what? It really is okay-because ALL our affirmation comes from the ONE who is sending us. It’s okay when the naysayers have their little say…because when you walk so closely with the Father you can hear that still small voice speaking words of confirmation to your heart, and you know that you are right in the center of His will for your life. And that, sweet friends, is all that really matters in this life. Being obedient.
We’re pressing in and pressing on. Like a race horse running around the track, we have our blinkers on, and we are NOT being distracted by the things that could cause discouragement and doubt. We will NOT let the enemy have any foothold here. Hailee is our precious sixth child-loved and treasured already as if she were flesh of our flesh.
But as for me and my household, we WILL serve the Lord (with reckless abandon!)
Joshua 24:15
Amen and Amen!!!!
I know how you feel. When we adopted our last child my Dad responded with “Oh no! not another one!” It is painful when those you love don’t support you. (Little does he know we want to adopt again
BUT Adeye, We love your family and support you constantly in prayer. WE are excited for you and look forward to Hailee coming home.
He will equip you for the good work He has planned, in advance for you to do.
Michelle
Matthew 5:10
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
AMEN! You are following the Lord, and the enemy is rearing his ugly head to cause pain during a wonderful time of waiting for your daughter. We had this very discussion last night at my Bible study as we prepare to bring home our older (heaven forbid!) son. Some question us, but we’re not doing this for anyone but God…he’s called us and we’re following in faith. This is your time to shine your light, friend, even in the midst of opposition. Hugs to you!
Adeye I’m so sorry that you have to go through this but I know your hearts are strong & in the right place and you’ll be stronger for it. Yes, those on the “outside” just cannot understand, even I can’t. But I know one thing for sure, you really are only seeking to be obedient to your God and if He tells you to adopt Hailee, then who am I or anyone else to question you. Maybe you already feel better, we all need to vent sometimes but I’m sure you might face this issue again. Just stand your ground & remember that as God is on your side, there’s friends around the world lifting you up in prayer. Wish I could give you a hug dear friend. L xxx
Adeye, It makes me sad to read that you are getting negative comments. I’m so sorry. I don’t understand why people feel that they have to do this. We get it too, with the girls & now with Ethan. It’s none of their business why we’re adopting a child. This is what God has called us to do. I love how obedient you are being. Your children see this too and will be as loving & obedient to The Father as you are. I wish I could give you a big hug. I love you guys! And we are so excited to see God bring this precious little girl home to her FAMILY!
Wow… I am SO sorry you got that response about a child with DS… My name is Anne, I have a beautiful gift from GOD, named Joshua, who just happens to also have DS… when people say “Down syndrome”??? say, “yes, aren’t we lucky to be able to help one of these angels, these wonderful children…” I agree, ALL children are a gift from God, not an object for us to decide who is “good” and who is “bad”… I would LOVE to talk to the people who gave you the negative garbage talk… As a metter of fact, I am friends of Andrea, from RR… When we both lived in Atlanta, she was my first “DS parent” friends! I wrote her and told her I would love to talk with you!! I live in Colorado Springs, so we are not that far away!! Would love to meet your angel when she gets home!!
My email is [email protected]
Do NOT listen to negative people, only listen to GOD!!
Congrats and I will pray all goes smooth to bring her home!!
Take care,
Anne
OH MY DEAR, We have SO been there with broken hearts in your same position. About 8 of my girlfriends from church met with me before we got our 6th child and had a “pow wow” saying the same things. HERE, I was THRILLED to be having a baby and they were SO NEGATIVE. The thing I can tell you is that the enemy is on HIGH ATTACK and This whole experience made me realize one thing.. ALL I TRULY NEED IS HIM! To please Him, to saturate my brain with his word despite what the world thinks! Bless you friend! That is why when #7 came along for us, we told noone until he got here and it will be the same in the future. We don’t want/need any judgements while going through this beautiful experience! We are HERE to support you & your precious family!
In our case, most of the negative people have gradually become supportive. The hardest part for me has been forgiving them. It has helped me to pray for them. Sometimes I even feel compassion for their fear, ingnorance, or lack of faith and understanding. I’m sorry you had to experience this. Hopefully, the Lord is using you to soften those hearts and change the minds of at least one of those people. He will certainly bless you for your faithfulness.
Welcome aboard the Reece’s Rainbow train!
Sorry! I understand the feelings. We haven’t even been able to adopt yet and have faced severe rejection from friends because we are working in that direction. THe Lord will give you strength. Lean on Him.
blessings!
It’s great to have support, even if it is just cyber-support. We had some naysayer family members too, they eventually came around. (Now to see whether they come around with a child of a different race). This is spiritual warfare. Not only are you moving your daughter from an orphanage into your family but from the kingdom of darkness to the Kingdom of God. No wonder Satan is so against it.
First of all, let me say “I’m sorry I misspelled Hailee’s name on my last entry!”
Okay, wow, what a blow to such a sweet time in your life. You are getting the opportunity to really learn to forgive and turn the other cheek. Keep in mind that God spoke to you and Anthony, not the negative people, so they don’t have the knowledge and wisdom you have on this subject. They truly are ignorant because they haven’t sought God on this. Yes, rude comes into factor but love (and prayer) covers a multitude of sins. Please work through this with God’s grace and don’t let this spoil your journey. Hailee is precious, created by God and God has plans for her. He will accomplish what he has started in her. Dwane had an uncle with DS who lived to be 35 and he was such a blessing to the whole family. He saw things in the spiritual world that none of us experienced. He showed unconditional love that so many of us have difficulty with. He was truly an angel from God. Enjoy your call!!!
Preach it Sister!
Just a few days ago I had to have yet another conversation about WHY we are adopting. We first told our family about Z back in September - get over it already!! Some people get it and some don’t. It is very unfortunate that the ones that don’t get it are the closest to us. When we follow God it just makes some people uncomfortable - no getting around that.
You know what you are doing and why - I am praying that you will have NO opposition once you get that little beauty home!!
My heart is beating a 100 miles a minute right now-I am fired up too! We have heard the same exact things, it is as if you were reading our story back to me. It makes me sad, it makes me mad and yes, it makes me sick too. I want to scream at times, “do you not understand, these are precious souls. God’s workmanship.” I am now telling people, “the Lord has not called me to a practical life, He has called me to a radical one. And one day I will not stand before (x, y or z) I will stand before my Father and give an account to Him and Him alone. The same is the case for me, the biggest support I get is from blogger friends. And boy am I thankful for all of you. I am off to highcourt tomorrow for our ruling for Elyssa and will bring Enoch along as he needs some special vaccines for his sickle cell. Praying, walking and trusting right alongside of you and your awesome family.
P.S. The Lord lifted me up through Romans 11 today, realizing that I have been grafted into the Tree and each time we bring a child into our home we are giving them the opportunity to be grafted in as well. Isn’t that amazing!
Isn’t the next question out of “those mouths” “Is it cheaper?”
Some people don’t get it…
You do have a big job ahead of you and you don’t need their “help”.
Like one other poster said, the hardest thing will be forgiving them.
I have been thinking about you all morning. We had some of the same problems with very close people when we told them about Jaxson and boy has their attitude changed since they are now crazy about him.
Anyway I came on here again just to read the comments and I have to say I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the adoptive community!
I hope any comment that is made to you in a negative way just gives you even more strength to fight for that beautiful child.
I wish I didn’t understand.
But I do. For us it wasn’t Downs, it was HIV and holy cow did that make people react. And we didn’t even end up adopting a child with HIV…we were just willing! The child we thought was ours didn’t end up staying with us and it was the most painful trial we have endured to date. We got a LOT of judgment…lots of nasty comments. It hurt, but you know what Adeye? At the end of each day, we could lay our heads on our pillows at night and sleep in peace knowing that we had followed God and continued to follow Him even when it didn’t make sense to us, let alone to others.
It hurts so much when your family and close friends give you the cold shoulder and a lecture when you are embracing God’s calling.
I wish I didn’t know that either.
What I do know is that His grace is enough and He will never leave you. HE is enough. It is a purifying and refining process that is no fun, but in the end, He makes something beautiful from the ashes and turns our mourning into dancing.
Hold fast.
Love,
Holly-Purpose Driven Family
I am so sorry you are being made to deal with this. We too raninto some very real ugliness when we were starting our second adoption, and that was even before they knew he had HIV. Phew then the stuff really hit the fan.
We were deeply hurt, but God has healed our hearts as well as those that opposed this adoption. And now our son is accepted…for the most part. There are those that just don’t get it, and that’s between them and God.
I am in prayer for you and those around you. You are doing the right thing. God is going to so bless you through this situation.
Blessings
Andrea
My parents responded to # 5 and 6 that way-but after we were onto #7 or #8, my dad came around. What brought my mom around was traveling with us to China to adopt our 8th child. She was never the same…and caught the vision. She now understands that it is a ministry that we are doing.
I hate the ‘you can’t save them all’ comment. It’s so um…dumb. I think the best we can do is try to be gracious and educate them as gently as possible. I like your come-back with the orphanage comment because it is so true…kids need a family. They need a last name. They don’t need a name like “Dang,” which was what four of our kids had. I later learned that ‘Dang’ in China is a purposeful last name that forever labels them “orphan.” Kids need to belong to families who love them!!
Standing with you-and following Him with reckless abandon into teh glorious unknown!
AMEN! What else is there to say? You said it perfectly!
We are right there with you! If not for my “angels of support” in this adoption blog world I would be so very discouraged!
Remember we are not just being Gods hands and feet, we are His human voice, the carriers of His word, and the actions of His heart! Not only are you changing the world of these children, but you are showing the whole world the Heart of the Father! Head up, onward, you are answering Gods call… the trumpet has sounded and you are choosing to fight! God bless you that you are! Let His glory shine brightly in the joy of this adoption for all to see! You just don’t know who God has planned to be touched and changed by it!
I read your entry last night and didn’t get a chance to comment, so I just came back on to read the responses. It is hard to hear negative feed back from others, but as you have heard you are not alone in this. People are just not going to get it, but that’s ok. As long as you and Anthony are following what God has called you to do, then that is all that matters. Chris mentioned to me the other day how with this adoption compared to Mia’s there seems to be less support and interest, people often don’t get the concept that you are not just doing this because you want a bigger family, but that you feel a real calling to help orphans, and that if you can give just one more a loving home then why not. His parents are totally unsupportive this time, hopefully they will come around.
I love you, and hope venting on your blog and hearing all the support from your bloggy friends has helped.
AMEN!! To God be the glory!!! Praying for you throughout this process.
oh friend! i hate that you have come against opposition. i so believe that you guys hear from the Lord, and of course the blessings that your family and all your kids will reap because of learning to love little Hailee will be far worth the struggles. keep pressing on, friend.
The email address you gave isn’t working. Email me at [email protected]
I just wanted to add something… I woke up with this on my heart this morning. When we were going through the ugliness I began to feel like perhaps I wasn’t good enough. I felt personally attacked. But I was reminded by God that of course these children are worth the sacrifice, but so are you! You ARE worthy, you ARE a good parent, you WILL be a good parent again. Please don’t allow the negativity to take away from your joy and confidence in you and the Lord. Blessings
Andrea
Hi my friend. I was so suprised to read your entry today about the attack you have been under … but then I thought - when you do what the Father calls you to, Satan always tries to bring in disappointment, hurt or discouragement. What you have, however, is His UNSHAKEABLE peace. You know that you are walking in obedience. You have joy and expectation for this beloved child … and you know your Father - you have His heart for these little ones. He will see you through this phase of the journey - and so many of us are cheering you on and praying. I love you my friend. BIGGEST hugs xoxoxo
well, huh? I responded to this post, and others on different blogs and they all disappeared. Weird!
Anyway, so much for my meaningful, inspirational post…
I will just say I am so sorry you are experiencing this to, but … on the other hand… God is letting His glory and His heart shine through Hailees adoption and you just never know who He wants or NEEDS to be affected by it! Let HIM shine!
I needed this RIGHT NOW. We are adopting Tori from RR other angels. Hoping to fly next week:) We have four bio kids, one with Spina Bifida and identical twin boys who are VERY busy thrown in that mix. So of course we hear it all- I keep telling people that this season WILL pass and they won’t be young forever and I won’t be this busy forever. And so what if I am? It’s not about me and MY wants and desires…it’s about serving the Lord wherever He should lead us:)
Thanks for the post.
I am a single mom with 4 kids ages 3,4,5,5 that I am hoping to have adopted by the end of the year. I was contacted by a friend that wants me to adopt her baby. I have heard every comment in the book… I am also a very young widow, so I get other fun comments too. Like, “shouldn’t you focus on getting married again” and “its not God’s plan for single women to raise kids”, and of course the best one, “you are ruining your life you will regret this in about 5 yrs”!!
I am still debating on adopting the baby. She needs a good stable home and I want to be the one to do it. But have VERY LITTLE support going into this and support is important for a single mom!
I do think that people who aren’t called/don’t answer God simply can not understand the strength, wisdom and grace He provides when we do what He asks of us!
Amen Adeye! Just wanted you to know that I think that you are amazing! I am praying for wisdom and provision for you and your family. Sometimes serving the Lord in the capacity and direction that He sets up for us can not be understood by anyone else. It is the life that He has made for us to live not others. He has given you the grace for it no one else. So it can not be imagined by them. Keep that last verse from this post in your heart and guard your family in God’s plan.
Love and prayers,
Christy
Praising God for your heart for this child, for your obedience to His command and for your courage! Thank you for so eloquently putting into words what so many have needed to say to the nay sayers for so long!
Preach on sister, preach on!! And did someone really tell you to go open an orphanage?? As a mama to 5 orphans who live in an orphanage I can’t believe anyone would say something like that! Does food, cribs, nannies and lots of crying babies somehow add up to a mom and dad who will be their family forever?? Ugh, right, doesn’t work like that. How I pray and grieve that my babies don’t have families.
I am thrilled that you are going forward, thrilled that you are adopting a baby with Down’s, and thrilled that Hailee is getting a family!
I know how you feel, those same people (not literally) have asked us why we can’t just stay home and adopt babies instead of opening an orphanage…oh gracious people!
Prayers for you and your family. Last year when we announced we were adopting a child with special needs, my own parents were ticked. It angered me at first and that is why I started a blog - to let them read without getting defensive.
Now that Alex is home, he is my mom’s favorite and if there is any negative comments, I’m not hearing them.
Girl- you got it going on! AMEN SISTER! SO inspired by you!!!
Adeye,
I have been MIA from reading my bloggy friends blogs. Life was just too hard for the last few weeks….
I am catching up and I am thrilled for your new precious treasure!
I am sorry you have encountered opposition….I think it’s just one of the small prices we have paid…and the worst was from our families. Now, with some of them, we just let them hear thru the grapevine….who needs their “support”?! Pffft! *eyes rolling*
I really think that for some it is so stinkin’ convicting - what we are doing that they hate us for it. Oh well!
That’s the beauty of connecting with like-minded Jesus followers on the internet….such a blessing…I wondered why do I feel so close to people I have never met, when friends here (some, not all) look at me with that look (we have grown tenacles and have grown an extra head or two) when we say we are adopting again..oh well!! My dream has always been to have kid with DS…so who knows. Jubilee is supposedly delayed mentally…and we are thrilled she will one day come home - Yippee Jesus!!
Much love, Linny
We are also adopting thru RR, I am sad to say that we are getting NO support from friends and family…and Tanner(Russell)will be our very FIRST child!
I do have to say that support has been plentiful online and thru the kind people involved with RR! Thank goodness for that, it is very difficult to be excited when we feel alone here…it helps a lot to know that we are all excited for each other!
Blessings,
Tami