leaps and bounds

Hello from Virginia. 

It sounds so good to finally be able to say that we are in our home state.  After a long drive yesterday, we eventually arrived in VA.  Today we have a short two hour drive and then we'll be HOME!  To say that I can hardly wait is an understatement. For those of you who have e-mailed me and asked, yes, we did used to live here--and now the Lord has brought us back.  More about that later.

Okay, so I have been exceedingly blessed in my life--I have traveled the world and seen over thirty countries. Yesterday I saw beauty that is definitely up there on my list of most stunning places in the world--West Virginia.  Oh my goodness, the Appalachian's are spectacular, absolutely breathtaking!  I marvelled at Father God's creativity as we drove along--and to think that He did it all just for our pleasure and enjoyment is amazing to me. What a God of wonders we serve.

I wanted to stop in here quickly before we hit the road for the final leg of our journey and share with you a little about Hailee and the things we are witnessing.  Goodness gracious, we are so amazed at how our little sweetness is blossoming before our eyes.  We always knew that inside her teeny, tiny, malnourished body was little girl just waiting to blossom.

Isn't she just as beautiful as can be?  Her hair is even starting to grow a little.  I look at this picture and can already see how Hailee is changing--in such a short period of time. It has only been three weeks since I took them out of the orphanage in the Ukraine.



Since the first time we saw Hailee's picture, we knew that adopting this precious little girl would be like adopting a baby.  We knew that her needs and delays were significant, and that she would have to be taught like a baby. But we also felt certain that most of her profound delays were not due to her Down syndrome, but simply from sheer neglect. 

~~~  All Hailee ate in the orphanage was porridge (morning and evening) and some sort of mushy soup stuff for lunch.  That's it.  No variety at all.  The same food day in and day out. It's no wonder she only weighs sixteen pounds at five years old, she has had no nutrition at all. When we got home I had to feed her baby food, she was just not interested in anything solid.  If I tried to put anything hard in her mouth she literally spat it out.  She had no idea what solid food even was, let alone how to chew it.  A couple of days ago I thought I would try solid food again.  I was feeding Harper some pasta and offered Hailee a spoonful.  You know what?  She actually took it.  She mashed it between her teeth and tried to break it up in her mouth.  She did it.  Before I knew it, she was opening her little mouth like a bird and wanting more, more, more.  She has been pretty adventurous with trying new foods ever since.  This is HUGE for her. Victory!

~~~  In the orphanage all the kids are fed by spoon.  That's all they know.  Harper has not struggled with it, but Hailee has NOT let us put anything in her mouth from our hands. I even had to put tiny pieces of bread on a spoon in order for her to take it.  She has turned her head the other way every time we have tried to offer her something to eat if we're holding it.  But that has also changed.  She allowed me to do it once (okay, so I bribed her with a piece of cake), and that was that.  No more having to load spoons with anything and everything in order for her to actually eat it. 

~~~  Bath time is no longer the complete nightmare that it has been.  Oh my word--you would have sworn she was getting the worst punishment known to man the way she screamed and stiffened her little body every time I bathed her. These angels had clearly never been bathed in their lives. Thankfully, the tears and screams have faded and she is actually starting to relax a little in the bath tub. Hallelujah.

~~~ The car seat is definitely becoming less of a drama.

~~~ The feel of grass is not so scary anymore.

~~~ Her wounds behind her ears are slowly starting to heal. The one is almost completely healed, and the other is looking so much better.  We still have to keep the little pilot hats on her to prevent her from scratching.  Hopefully soon she will no longer feel the need to scratch there until it is raw and bleeding. We're praying that every institutional behavior will be gone forever, in the name of Jesus!

~~~  She laughs!  Oh my does she love to laugh.  I'm talking giggling that comes all the time when we do silly things to her. It's like music to our ears.

HOPE!

There is such HOPE for each and every child--no matter how delayed or severe their special needs are. Every child has the ability to learn and grow, all they need is a family to love them and help them reach their full potential. It's just that simple.

This is only the beginning for our darling Hailee, her healing has just begun.  I can hardly wait to share more with you as time goes by and she continues to amaze us.  

Thank you for journeying with me, friends.  Thank you for rejoicing with me when the victories are sweet, and for pointing me toward Jesus when things feel overwhelming.  I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

For now, it's time to pack the car, load up the troops, and take one last journey to complete our marathon trip across state.

In His amazing grace.

on the road

Well, well, well...here I finally am. 

Goodness gracious, I honestly feel like I have just lost an entire week of my life.  While driving some ridiculous number of hours today I was counting on my fingers (because my math skills are totally pathetic) and reminding myself that we really did just get back from the Ukraine two and a half weeks ago.  It feels like three months. Seriously.  I feel like I have been living in fast forward.  Where oh where have the last few weeks of my life gone?

Monday was insane trying to box up the last of our belongings. Tuesday was even more wild as we packed the moving truck.  My word--we got three quaters of the way done and realized that there was no way on God's green earth that we were going to fit the remaining bulky items in the truck.  Absolutely no way.  We frantically started making phone calls offering furniture to anyone who needed it.  The Lord was good to us--He led us to the right people--those who really needed the things we were giving away. He's just so good like that.  It felt so wonderful to off-load things--it's all just stuff.

One little angel fell asleep in an empty room--the hustle and bustle of everything around her was just too much.



Tuesday night we camped on the floor.  We had such good intentions of getting an early start on the road on Wednesday morning.  Of course that was next to impossible.  So much still had to be done.  We finally managed to roll out of Colorado after noon.  To say that we were exhausted is an understatement. We made it to our first stop around ten that night.

It has taken us four days of traveling all day and late into the night to get to Lexington, Kentucky, where we are tonight. A moving truck, two other vehicles, four adults, seven children and two dogs means frequent stops. Tomorrow we have another full day of driving, and then Monday, just a couple of hours.  I finally feel like we are getting there--closer to our home sweet home in Virginia.

The drive sure has been beautiful. It has been a blessing to be able to see so many states in this stunning country.  I have lived here for six years now, and have seen very little of the country. So many things have made me smile along the way--God's glorious creation, the crazy number of cows in Kansas; historic farm houses and delapidated barns that must have so many stories to tell; tiny churches in the middle of nowhere; lush green grass that I have not seen much of since living in Colorado; the temperature thingy in my car that told me it was 92 degrees today (I cannot remember when last I have had such a hot day); my need for those 5-hour kick-butt energy drinks--something I have never done before in my life, but extreme fatigue has definitely set in after months and months of nothing but craziness; I feel like I could sleep for a week; the amount of stares we get when we pile out of cars with kids and dogs in tow; the amount of money I could have earned by now if I got paid every time I heard "you really have your hands full."

The kids have been great in the car. They have taken turns driving with either me or Anthony (in the moving truck). Harper is very content while driving.  She does not mind being confined to the car seat at all.  Hailee seems to be getting used to it.  The first couple of days were hard.  She hated it.  One thing's for sure, by the end of this marathon journey she will absolutely know what it means to have to sit in the car seat for extended periods.



For these little angels, who have only been home for a few short weeks, so much is brand new.  I'm sure they must be wondering if all they are ever going to do is be confined to a car seat.  Life sure has been anything but normal since they got home.



The joy of going barefoot (something that is absolutely necessary in our family) and feeling the grass on tiny toes.



The feel of soft grass on chubby fingers.



The joy of sitting outside and loving the warm sun on their sweet little faces.



Big sister has been incredible.  How she adores her two baby sisters.  She has been such a huge help to me on this trip. How blessed I am with my first adopted daughter--the one who showed me that adoption is worth it!



Along the road we've found times for family fun--the joy of just being together no matter where we are.



We have had some major breakthroughs with Hailee over the last few days.  I tell you, this little girl, written off as a burden to society and locked away in a tiny room for the first five years of her life, is breaking out of her shell big time. She's already learning at a rapid pace--things I thought would take months and months to overcome are happening before our very eyes.  So amazing. I'll share more tomorrow.

For now it's off to bed--another long journey awaits in the morning.

Love and biggest hugs to all of you, dear friends.

crazy times

Thank you, sweet friends, for your love and support when I shared my heart in my last post.  Thank you for all the amazing comments and e-mails offering advice on different possibilities that Hailee could be struggling with.  I am still trying to make my way through all the e-mails.  Please know that we are so thankful that so many of you took the time to send us words of encouragement and even wisdom shared from your own journeys raising children with special needs.  We appreciate it so very much. Every e-mail and comment gives us such hope for our sweet daughter. It is so amazing to know that we never walk alone when life gets challenging. How I love the glorious Body of Christ.

Well, never in my thirty eight years on this earth have I been as busy as I have in the last ten days.  Oh my word.  Things have been ridiculous here.  Not only are we packing up to move and helping our two new treasures to adjust, but we have also had the mission of getting our home ready to rent out. Why is that everything seems to go wrong with your house just when you're moving out? We have amazing tenants moving in. The Lord has blessed us.  It sure has been a crazy thing trying to get the house decent for them.  Unfortunately with all the delays we had in the Ukraine we were left with very little time to pack up and move. 

Life outside of these four walls has been put on hold.  I forgot one of my best friends birthdays (sorry, my dearest Jo), my inbox is filled to overflowing with unanswered e-mails (which I hate), my kids need haircuts so badly but I just cannot get to the hairdresser, my blog is missing my frequent presence, my friends are wondering if I have fallen off the face of the earth, my toes are desperate for new nail polish (you know, the really important things in life), my hair has been tied up for who knows how long because I just could not be bothered to use a hairdryer, meals are as quick and easy as possible (I really don't like feeding my family bad food), I have been trying to mail one letter for the last week and just never seem to get it done, I feel like the only time I see my husband is when we pass each other in the kitchen with a to-do list in hand.....aahh yes, life is busy! Thankfully, this too shall pass.

Soon we will begin our big trek across the states and make our way back to the east coast.  It's going to be quite an operation--one moving truck, two other vehicles, four adults, seven children and two dogs traveling for six days.  Oh, and not to mention that one of those sweet children hates a car seat!  She screams from the time she gets in it until the time she is freed from it. Sounds like a whole lot of fun, huh? I know, I know, you're all wishing you were me, right?  Not.

I cannot wait to get settled and have some kind of [new] normal routine again.  The last two months have been so upside down for my family.  We're all longing for this crazy season in our lives to be over. In the midst of it all, the Father has been so good to us--He is our strength and our strong tower, He enables us to do the things that seem impossible.  Where would we be without HIM in our lives?

I simply have no idea.

healing rain

Sorry for the delay in posting this, friends.  I am seriously up to my eyeballs in packing.  Time seems to have run away from us--being so ridiculously far behind. We have just two more days to get everything done.  Yikes.

Anyway.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all the emails and comments I have received asking me about how Hailee is doing. I truly do appreciate your concern so very much.



Hailee is doing okay.  Not great--just okay.  Most of our days with her are long and quite tiring. Some days are better than others.  She is struggling to adjust to her new norm.  She is easily overstimulated. She is a picky eater. She cannot eat any solid food. Sleep is an issue.  She cries a lot.  When she's not crying, she is usually fussy. She bites her little fingers until they are swollen.  In fact, by looking at the perpetual swelling and horrible callouses, it looks like she's been making lunch of her fingers her entire life.  Hailee also still scratches behind her ears, and we're battling to see the infection go because of it.  There are literal slits back there, where she's tried to separate the ears from her little head.  Taking her out of the house is difficult--all too much for our sweetheart. She is showing a lot of autistic behaviors. Hailee is just struggling in general.

But who can blame her?  Certainly not us.  Hailee's world has been rocked--turned upside down and inside out.  For a child who has spent five long years in a crib, only being taken out to be changed and fed, this is HUGE for our sweetie.  It is almost too much at times. The world outside of what she knows must, in many ways, be a very scary place.

Hailee got a rotten deal in life, sweet friends. No child deserves what she endured. NO CHILD! No child should ever be treated like an uncared for animal or a plant. No child deserves to be locked up in a room--never to feel the warmth of the sun on their sweet little face. Not once in their lives. No child deserves to be confined to a crib 24/7.

It is no wonder our precious little jewel is having a hard time.  She knows nothing but sorrow and misery. Every behavior and habit she displays is simply her way of dealing with her previous reality.  I'm sure that I too would bang my head on anything I could find, gnaw on my fingers, rip at my ears, make strange clicking sounds, rock back and forth constantly, grind my teeth to the bone, be unable to make eye contact, and struggle with sensory overload if I had lived in Hailee's shoes.  Actually, come to think of it, I probably would have given up and died a very long time.  I am not as strong as my daughter.  She is a fighter.  Honestly, knowing everything we do about Hailee's previous life, we are very surprised that she survived long enough for us to get to her. God forbid she would have been transferred to the mental asylum (which happens to every orphan with special needs around their fourth birthday in the Ukraine).  That would have been a death sentance.  I'm told that ninety-five percent of orphans with Down syndrome die in these horrific places.

Remembering Hailee's past helps us keep things in perspective as we navigate the present.



I would be completely misleading you all if I told you that things here at home have been a walk in the park since we got home from the Ukraine.  They have not. Our days are challenging. Hearing a child cry for hours and hours gets tiring after a while. I literally fall into bed at night, exhausted. It's my reality right now.

I have been thinking a lot about Hailee, adoption, our family, and everything in-between recently.

Hailee's struggles are not so unique. The reality of adoption is that it is hard most of the time.  Sure, there are wonderful adoption success stories where everything is hunky dory, bonding is beautiful, and the child adjusts instantly.  We've had one of those.  Our Hannah-Claire literally waved goodbye to China and made us her family instantly. It was a beautiful thing.  Harper would fit into that category too.  But, as many of you know, sometimes the adoption road is darn hard!  It takes every ounce of strength and courage we can find.

We always felt in our hearts that adding Hailee to our family would take faith, sticking to what the Lord called us to do, and trusting Him day by day.  We were right.  This has been our toughest adoption.  We're learning how to parent a little girl who has suffered at the hands of orphanage staff as I posted here.  We're learning how to meet the needs of a little angel who is so malnourished and tiny.  And, we're trusting the Lord daily for wisdom in knowing what is wrong with her when she cries--without tears--for hours on end.  I'm sure she ran out of tears years ago.  Nothing left for the Lord to collect in his vial.

Hailee is already teaching me so much, friends. Through this tiny child I am seeing so many things in my life that need to be rooted out. Things that have no place in my walk with the Lord. In learning to parent Hailee, God is teaching me more about Him, more about the things that break His heart in two, more about the things He longs to see His Body fulfill on this earth. 

My heart has been forever changed in the last few weeks.  I will never be the same again.  The things I used to hang on to and hold so dear to my heart now seem so trivial.  I look at sweet Hailee struggling to adjust and I am so thankful that she even has this opportunity to adjust to a new life. Sadly, many do not.  She will learn.  She will grow.  It may take years--but it will happen. I know that the things we are experiencing with her now are so temporary compared to the rest of her life.

Adoption is NOT for the faint of heart, friends. All of us who have adopted knows that to be a fact. EVERY orphan deserves a family. It does not matter whether they are "brain damaged" or "bang their heads on a crib"...they ALL deserve the love of a mommy and a daddy.  Just as we would never love our biological children any less if they were born with special needs, so we adore our adopted children.  In our eyes they are fearfully and wonderfully made JUST the way they are.  It's as simple as that.  Yes, we may have to "count the cost" to bring these special children home, but dang it, following Jesus was never meant to be easy.

In the midst of the trials and the long days, I am so thankful.  I know that God is using this experience to stretch and grow me.  I know that He is using this time in my life to weed out the stuff that has no place in my life, and replace it with seed that can grow.  It is during the toughest seasons of my life (like this) that I have grown more in my relationship with Him, more in His grace that He gives me.  It has been, in those moments where I have felt like I am hanging on for dear life, that I sense His presence so intimately.  I don't want to take the easy road in this life.  I don't.  I don't want to take the road that is trial free and smooth sailing all the time.  I know that I would never grow as a Christian.  It is in the valley that I am forced to cling to my Savior so that HE can help me get back onto the mountain top.

Hailee is a priceless treasure in our family.  We know the hard times will get easier and easier.  This road is not new to us.  When we brought Haven home eighteen months ago, we wondered if she would ever overcome her fears and blossom into a little girl who could cope with her surroundings.  Goodness, the change in her life in such a short time (a year and a half) has been breathtaking.  She has gone from a timid, fearful, unhappy child to a little girl who is full of joy and loving her life. The fact that she is non-verbal and delayed is nothing to us.  Haven communicates with us in so many other ways--words are unnecessary. We know that some day she will find her voice, but until she does we'll find other ways to communicate with her.  We have seen a radical transformation in a child with our own eyes--we know Hailee is going to follow in her sister's footsteps. Things can only get better.

And so we're taking one day at a time here in the Salem house.  It is all good.  Hailee is learning to trust us a little more each and every day.  She will learn that she is safe here.  Her autistic behaviors will become less and less.  The crying will eventually stop. Her scars will eventually heal. It just takes time, prayer and heaps of love.  We're learning as we go. I cannot even begin to tell you how thankful we are for the opportunity to be her parents.  She has blessed our lives already.  We cannot imagine not having Hailee here with us. The good times are glorious and the difficult times make us press into the Lord more, trusting Him for complete healing in our daughter's life.

Hailee's road to emotional healing has begun and we can hardly wait to see what the Almighty Father is going to do in her life. Healing rain IS falling down.

Thank you for your amazing support.  You bless me more than you will ever know, sweet friends.


**  Thank you, precious Jeanne, for the most adorable outfit.  I am going to miss you something awful.

please pray for them

I am so ridiculously far behind on life.  Everything has had to take a back seat this week.  My days have been all about packing and getting ready to move in 5 days time, and helping Hailee and Harper to adjust to their new life.  Life has been crazy.  Needless to say, I have not had a single moment to catch up on what is happening in the world of blogging.

So it was with much sadness that I just heard today about Chrissie's passing into glory.  Oh my goodness, there truly are no words.  Adopted just seven months ago, her new life had only just begun.  How absolutely heartbreaking for her sweet family. My heart cannot even imagine.  I know that many of you have followed Chrissie's story--but if you have not, please go to her mom's blog, read their painful story, and lift them up in prayer at this time. They are such an amazing family who have not waivered in their faith once on this hard journey. They need our prayers, friends.

Sometimes there truly are no answers this side of heaven...still, we trust HIM with all our hearts and hang onto the promise that some day every tear will be wiped away. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

So many of you have asked me about how Hailee is doing. I appreciate your care and concern so very much. I am working on an update and will post it very soon. My heart, my emotions, my thoughts and my feelings on where we're at with our precious angel coming soon.

Love and huge hugs to all of you.  You're all so wonderful.

homecoming

We're loving being home.  Loving every minute of it.  Things are crazy busy but amazingly wonderful.  There truly are no words to describe how blessed we feel that God chose to add Hailee and Harper to our family.  They are both just so completely adorable.  We love them with a passion and cannot imagine life without them.

Our other children sure have been incredible.  They adore their little sisters already.  They have been such a huge help to me in the last few days--always willing to serve in any way they are needed.  It blesses my heart enormously to see the seed of adoption that is so firmly planted in their little hearts.  They get it.  They understand that life has changed and that things will probably be challenging for the next while, but they are so fine with it.  How blessed we are.

It was so sweet to see the older five children waiting anxiously for their sisters at the airport.  They were all so tender and gentle with Hailee and Harper.



They were so patient as the news crew asked us some questions.  I know all five of them were so eager to have their turn to hold their new sisters.



Harper took to them like she had known them her entire life. She has such a sweet little personality.  This girl is all about some loving.



Granddad ("Bampie" to our children) got to hold his seventh and eighth grandchild for the first time. I honestly don't know what we would have done without my Dad and Beth in the last few weeks.  They flew here from South Africa just to come and help out in whatever way they could.  They have been amazing...a gift to our family in this busy season of our lives.



Harper baby got passed from one sibling to the next--kind of like the pass the parcel game we have in South Africa. She gladly went to any arms that would hold her tight.



Hailee was so drowsy.  Still, she managed to open her little eyes every now and then.



Sleeping beauty safe in the arms of one who adores her. How angelic is that little face?



Hailee is adjusting okay.  We have good moments, and very tough moments.  We're fine with it all, knowing it is going to take this angel a lot of time to feel safe and secure.  Who can blame her after all she has endured in her short life?  We're just taking tiny little baby steps with her--trusting our God of wonders to heal every part of her body that needs a touch from Him.  We have a long road ahead of us to see her healthy.  This morning her little fingers and toes were so blue (due to the lack of oxygen)--quite scary.  I know that the high altitude we live at is not helping her at all.

She is tiny--painfully so.  When I look at Hailee like this, it breaks my heart that she really is five years old. Oh my goodness, how can it even be? How can a five year old weigh sixteen pounds?

Hailee will NEVER look this way again!  Her road to healing has begun.  Hallelujah.



We know that Hailee will catch up fast.  We know that she will gain weight quickly.

We celebrated her fifth birthday with the whole family.  She is such a picky eater that I was pretty convinced she would not even try a morsel of cake.



How wrong I was!

One taste and she was hooked.  The little mouth opened wide for more, more, more.  It was the sweetest thing ever.  No doubt the first time she had ever had cake.

We keep the little hat on her all the time to try and allow her ears to heal.  She is obsessed with scratching them until they are raw and bleeding. Thank you to the blog reader who recommended the Hanna Anderson pilot hat.  I got Hailee's in the mail and it is wonderful--covers her ears completely.



She has definitely decided that cake is one of her most favorite things to eat. A girl after my own heart.




Harper is doing amazingly well.  I think that she probably thinks she has been in our family her entire life.  She is such an endearing little girl.  She knows how to love and I have no doubt that she is going to teach us all a few lessons in loving each other well. 

We're counting our blessings daily.  We're so absolutely thankful that God has blessed us with these daughters.  Yes, they are the ones who have been rescued, but I just know that we are the ones who are going to be so incredibly blessed by being their parents. We cannot stop thanking our Father in heaven for choosing little old us to parent these amazing children. His goodness overwhelms us.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

*** If you have e-mailed me and are waiting for a response, I am slowly but surely getting there. I so appreciate the many questions you have asked, and the sweet encouragement you have sent my way. How blessed I am to have you all in my life.

home sweet home

We made it home safely.  It is wonderful to be with the rest of our family.  The journey home was long...very long. We were greeted at the airport by five very excited children anxiously waiting to meet their new sisters, and a news crew wanting to capture Hailee and Harper's story.  You can watch it here if you feel like it. Nothing like getting off a long haul flight with two babies who have never traveled before, feeling like you really need a shower, and having a camera in your face. Goodness, I was totally exhausted.

I have beautiful pictures and memories to share with you from our homecoming.  I just have to find the cable thingy to download the photos.  Everything is such a mess here at home.  Oh my goodness--I hate mess! We're frantically packing up house and getting ready to move to the east coast in just ten days.  I know, the timing is a little bit insane, but we never imagined our time in the Ukraine would be so crazy long. There is no way we can change plans, so forward we go.

Thank you for your amazing outpouring of love for Hailee's birthday. We appreciate it more than you will ever know. Many of you have asked for more information about the other children in the room that Hailee was in.  I'll share what I know soon. 

A more detailed post  to follow tomorrow when I can actually keep my eyes open long enough to share everything that is on my heart.  Yes, I am ridiculously tired.  The craziness of life from the last weeks, and everything else we have going on right now, has definitely caught up on me.

Love and biggest hugs to all of you.

today she's five

Please forgive the lack of posting. Oh my goodness gracious--the last few days have been completely insane.

We left Kharkiv on the train yesterday with Hailee and Harper's passports in hand. Their ticket out of the country. Oh happy day. Today we spent the day in Kiev getting their visas for entry into the U.S. Tonight we're exhausted! We got very little sleep after arriving so late last night. It has to be early to bed and early to rise (2:30 a.m.) for our flight home tomorrow. We can hardly wait to be reunited with our family at home.

The days have been long. Hailee continues to struggle to adjust. I would love to tell all of you that you were right in saying that Hailee was smiling in the last pics I posted, but she's not. She grimaces in the sun, and actually winges.  We doubt if she's EVER been outdoors in the five years of her life. There are times when we can get her to smile for us when we play with her, but it is never spontaneous. It is something that will come with time, we know.

We are so thankful for the gift that this precious little girl is. I have to keep things honest and real here on my blog--I cannot paint some fabulous picture of life being dandy all the time, because it just isn't that way. That's not reality. So, I'll continue to share our triumphs, our joys, our sweet successes, and our hard times. The last few days would definitely fit into the latter category. It has not been easy with Hailee having such a hard time. She cries a lot and is easily traumatized. Anthony and I have had a pretty challenging time.

Our hearts break for her. It is hard to have a child struggle so painfully. This little girl knows nothing but the life inside a crib. Those four walls were her security. It is extremely traumatic for her to be out in the real world. The noise, the sights (including seeing masses of people) and the constant hustle and bustle are hard for her. Every time we move into a new environment, she has many meltdowns and it is almost impossible to console her. The stimulation is just too much. She hardly eats a thing, drinking is a problem, and she has had very little sleep in the last six days. All signs that she is struggling.

On Monday we ended up at a clinic, then, when they couldn't help her, we immediately took her to a children's hospital. We have been noticing that she seems to have digestive issues. It sounds like severe reflux. She makes constant gulping sounds--like she is trying with all of her little heart to swallow something, and it is awfully painful.  When she does that, she bows her head, grimaces, and her eyes roll to the side. The doctor confirmed our suspicion--there is something major going on in our little one's tummy. Two enemas later and her insides were cleaned out. Unfortunately we have started to notice that things are getting bad once again. Her tummy is rock hard. It is going to be one of the first things we get checked out. This is a problem Hailee has lived with for years and years, and no one has ever cared enough to help her by getting to the root of it.

While at the hospital, they were asking some questions about her medical history, most of which we know nothing about. Her medical record is just a few lines long. We told them the name of the drug the orphanage had her on. They were horrified! Three doctors gathered in the tiny room and spoke in seriously fast Russian. We could tell that they were not happy. It seems that this drug, an anti-psychotic, is not suitable for children. And, they said, the first major side effect on the list is stomach issues.  But then again, why in the world should the orphanage care about side effects?  The only purpose of the drug was to make her sleep all day long.  When Anthony went back to the orphanage, the facilitator told the head doctor what the other doctors said, and he just shrugged and said, "Maybe, but it also could be that her new parents started a new diet."  Which, by the way, we haven't.

The reality of Hailee's life is that she ended up in the wrong room.  There must be a point in an orphan's life when they are either grouped with 'healthy' children, or are sentenced to life it that room--the one for children with severe needs.  To end up in that room is a death sentence, friends.  Literally.  There is nothing worth living for.  Physical touch is almost non-existent.  The only time the kids are touched is when they are changed or fed. And the five kids in there have only worn pajamas their entire life--boys sometimes wear pink, girls sometimes wear blue.  Who's going to see if the color's right, anyway?  They never leave their 4' x 2' crib, which is in a 10' x 13' room, with six cribs squashed together.

The only life they know is behind the bars of a crib.  In all my visiting, I have seen things happen in that room that my heart will never fully comprehend.  I have seen more than I ever wanted to see.  But, for some reason, the Lord needed me to see it with my own two eyes.  Why? I have no idea.

After doing some research we are convinced that Hailee is suffering from institutional autism. No doubt about it. It is very common for children who have experienced all of what Hailee has. They display many of the characteristics of clinical autism.  She deliberately hurts herself to numb the emotional pain, to distract herself through negative stimulation (which is better than none!).  She scratches behind her ears until they are raw, infected, and bleeding.  She makes constant grunting and groaning sounds.  She sits with her legs at a V and hands on her knees and rocks herself to comfort.  She cannot make eye contact.  She twitches and grinds her teeth so badly that there are merely stumps left in her mouth. She bangs her head on anything and everything until it hurts.  She hits herself all the time.

We keep a little hat on Hailee to prevent her from scratching the back of her ears.

It does not surprise us that Hailee is the way she is. How could she possibly be any other way after all that she has endured in her five years? How could she possibly be able to function normally after such neglect?

Still, in light of all of this...today we CELEBRATE! It is sweet Hailee's fifth birthday. Today we rejoice that it is finished. Her old life is gone, and her new life has begun. Today we praise God that her life has been saved. Weighing only fifteen and a half pounds, there is absolutely no way that she would have continued to survive in an orphanage. No way! Hailee is the size of an infant. Truth be told, we are very surprised that she even survived this long in that place.

Tonight we are so thankful that the Father spared her life.  We know that the weeks and months ahead are not going to be easy.  We have always known that, even before we met Hailee in person.  But in this little angel we truly do see a diamond in the rough.  We know that she is going to learn and grow.  We know that she is going to learn to feel safe with us.  It is just going to take lots and lots of time, prayer, patience, and love.  Praise God that we have a lifetime to show her what it means to be loved and treasured.  We're in no rush.  Unlike a broken toy, a broken child cannot be mended in a day, as so many of you who have been in our shoes know. It takes a very long time.

One...Day...At...A...Time. 

Happy birthday, sweet Hailee...your road toward healing has begun.  What a priviledge it is to journey it with you, angel girl.  Our angel girl.  Our Lord's angel girl.

just a day in the park

Savoring their absolute sweetness.



Cherishing the many firsts that they are experiencing.



The joy of sitting in the park on a warm spring day.



Counting my many blessings...and naming them one by one tonight.



Making precious memories.

What did I ever do to deserve such beautiful gifts?

catching up

Hello from Kharkiv, friends and family.

Praying you have all had the most amazing Mothers' Day.  Mine has been good.  How blessed I am to have two of my treasures on this earth here with me. I am missing the other five something awful.

Our day is winding down.  The sun is setting and the view from our window is gorgeous.  What an artistic creator we serve.



The last three days have been joyful, beautiful, and challenging all at the same time. I will begin to share our observations, thoughts and feelings over the next few days--it is just too much for one post.

Thursday was a day packed with emotion.  Walking into the orphanage for the last time is a memory I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Observing the sights one last time--and knowing my daughters would never return to this place again was such a surreal feeling.  I could hardly believe this day had finally arrived. I marvelled at how God has been so intricately involved in every step that has brought us this far.



I walked down the now all too familiar pathway that leads to their building one last time, and as I did I reminded myself that I never want to forget where they have come from.



I never want to forget the place they have called home since their birth. 

These pictures will be my reminder of what remains behind these doors. Treasures of darkness.  Riches stored in secret places...just waiting to be found.



I made that walk down the long corridor one last time. 



Until I found our very own treasure. 

Clothes got changed in no time.



I looked back and saw it there--her empty crib. 

I could not help but wonder who would occupy it next.  Oh God in heaven, what a sad thought that no sooner is one rescued, when another fills her place.



I walked across the hall and found our other beautiful treasure there. 

She too got her clothes changed.  This angel only had eyes for her mother.  She was so not interested in being changed. She only wanted the arms that love her dearly.



It is finished!



Goodbyes were said.



This caketaker really loved our Harper. She asked to carry her outside to the car.



"Harper, are you sure you don't want to stay here?"



Okay then, sweetest angel girl.  You're outta here!

And so the journey to being full-time parents to Hailee and Harper began.  Having them with us has been such a joy.  Anthony and I are learning hour-by-hour how to parent these whom the Father has blessed us with.  Has it been easy?  Nope.  It sure has not. Hailee is still struggling terribly.  We're praying for wisdom in knowing what is wrong, and how to meet her needs. I will devote a post specifically to Hailee tomorrow.  Thank you to every single one of you who have committed to praying for her transition.  We appreciate it so much. 

We're walking in His grace.  We absolutely cannot wait to go home.  Monday is another public holiday here. We will pick up the girls' passports on Tuesday and take a train to Kiev on Tuesday night.  Wednesday will be spent doing all the US Embassy paperwork and then, Lord willing, we'll head home on Thursday morning at 5:30. 

To God be the glory, GREAT things He has done!

daddy love

I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing it is to have Anthony here.  After so many weeks alone here in the Ukraine, it is such a blessing to finally have the man that I adore by my side.

There are no words to describe his first time meeting Hailee and Harper.

The pictures say it far better than I ever could....the love of their Heavenly Father reflected through the love of their precious earthly father.
























There is nothing quite like the love of a Daddy--something that these two little angels know absolutely nothing about.  How that has changed in the last few hours.  The three of them have spent precious moments together, just being. 

My heart is overflowing.

I am busy working on a catch-up post.  So much to share.  But first I wanted to share our sweet memories with you all.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all your very kind words of love and encouragement. I am so deeply touched by your outpouring of love as we journey this road less traveled.

rescued!

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!"
                   Isaiah 43:18

Geeezz!  What a day.  I am absolutely running on empty tonight. I can't even think straight.

I don't know where to begin.  It has been ridiculously crazy. Ups and downs since we headed to the orphanage. Oh my goodness, I am officially over the whole adoption process in this region!  The battle for my daughters lives has continued today. Enough already.

The good news is that I have the girls! Sorry, the pic is horrible.

Yep--I am quickly learning that I am going to have to do some serious weight training to get muscles in my arms.



Thank you to my dear friend, Kristin, for the sweetest little outfits.  Just perfect.

The bad news is that I was right--Hailee is not doing well AT ALL.  Oh my goodness, she is completely overwhelmed.  She has a nasty habit of scratching the back of her ears (self-soothing behavior).  Well, today she has literally scratched them raw until they will not stop bleeding. It is awful.  I feel so bad for her.  She has cried for hours and hours.  Poor baby is completely confused--she has no idea what has happened. I know it will just take some time. Thank the Lord we have a lifetime to help her know that she is safe. We just have to take baby steps.

Harper is doing great.  She is just adorable.

Please forgive the very quick update, but I have two angels who WILL NOT sleep...and a brain that is just not functioning very well.

I will give a detailed update with lots of photos tomorrow.  Anthony arrives in the afternoon.  Praise God!  I can hardly wait for him to meet his newest blessings. And I so need my beloved hubby here with me.

Please can I ask you to cover sweet Hailee in prayer, friends?  The next few days and weeks are going to be really tough for her.  Thankfully I just knew that she would struggle, so I am not surprised by what I see.  It's just so hard to see her grieving the way she is.  Breaks my heart.

God never said the road would be easy--but He did promise to be there in our times of need.  For that I am so thankful tonight.

So thankful for each one of you too.

crazy emotional

It's 5am here in the Ukraine.  I've given up completely--sleep is impossible.  It will not come, no matter how many sheep I try to count.  I figure I'll probably be running on adrenaline all day anyway, so who needs sleep.

I'm an emotional mess.  I simply cannot believe that today is the day I finally get to take Hailee and Harper out of the orphanage. Oh my goodness.  Honestly, there have been days when I wondered if this day would ever come.  I have definitely had my fair share of doubts with this adoption.  Not that I ever wondered if they were our children.  No way.  But I have certainly doubted whether it would ever come to an end.  If you have journeyed with me for a while here on my blog, you will know that this has been an adventure where God has stretched and challenged us all the way to the finish line. There have been times when the Almighty God has been our only hope to reach this point. We have faced mountians that I wondered if we would ever get to the other side of. But through it all, He has been FAITHFUL!  He has been GOOD!

He has not failed us...He has not failed Hailee and Harper.

Today their new life begins.  Today the old has gone, and the new has come.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous.  I am!  This is going to be huge for them.  Orphanage life is all they know.  I'm not too concerned about Harper, I think she will be just fine, she's a spunky little girl.  But for Hailee, today may be extremely overwhelming.  I am praying that God will breathe peace into her little heart, that she will feel no anxiety or fear. I'm praying that she will feel safe with me.  Hailee needs to feel safe--it is something that I know she has not felt at all where she is now. Her life has been nothing but misery.

NO MORE!

How can I ever thank you all enough for your love, your support, and your prayers?  Thank you for holding up my arms when the journey got hard.  Thank you for being my constant prayer warriors. Thank you for loving our daughters and praying them all the way home. I am so very thankful.

Standing in awe of His love for two little orphan girls.

one more sleep

The "fetching Mrs. Salem" huh?  Toooooo funny, husband! 

Oh my word--what in the world did we ever do without the internet?  No email?  No blogging? I was totally lost. I mean like seriously lost.

Thankfully I'm back online and my communication woes are a thing of the past. Praying they remain that way, thank you very much.

The last three days have been a little crazy. My flights were fine.  Long and extremely boring.  I shared my tiny space on the long-haul flight to Austria with a very large man.  I was so squished.  He was very nice to me.  He couldn't understand a word I was saying. We used hand motions to communicate.  It worked perfectly. I tried to sleep.  It was hopeless. I cannot, cannot, cannot sleep on planes. Read a novel from front to back instead. Cried because it was sad. I hated the way it ended.  Flew from Austria to Kharkov.  Very nice indeed.  No train this time.  Just lovely!   

Arrived at the Kharkov airport.  I totally laughed.  Ours was the only plane there.  Except for three broken down, half dismantled ones.  Too darn funny.  Thank goodness they did have a bus to come and pick us up a mile away from the airport buidling. I walked into the terminal building and chuckled even more.  Felt like I was in an airport in the back end of Africa somewhere. 

Then, my friends, it happened.

I eventually made it through passport control.  My luggage was waiting for me on the other side.  No such thing as those round-about thingy's that carry your suitcase around and around in circles until you finally get it off.  Nope.  Mine got hand-delivered to me.  Sweet.

I grabbed my suitcase and was told to place it onto the one and only x-ray/scanner machine.  Alrighty then--I did as I was told.  When it reached the other side, the man operating the machine called me over to the screen he was looking at and pointed to a darkish spot in my suitcase. 

Security man: "Box?" he says pointing?

Me:  "Ummm, no, no box."

Security man: "Silver or gold or metal?"

Me: "Definitely not.  This is my only jewelry" I say, pointing to my wedding rings.

The guy was not satisfied. I must have looked seriously dodgy.  He was onto something big with the blonde American.

He hauls my [very heavy] suitcase onto a nearby table and proceeds to start chucking out my clothes in search of the "box".  Things start flying. He was very determined to find the thing that I was so obviously smuggling into the country. 

He repeatedly asks me about the box.

I politely tell him over and over again that there is no box in there. Like, I should know, I packed my bag myself.

He was a man on a mission. Even my sweetest of sweetest looks could not fool this guy. To him I was trouble with a capital "T".

Oh man, even my knickers were ending up on the filthy floor.  E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g  was out of that suitcase. I confess--I am absolutely not the world's lightest traveler.  I tend to swing to the opposite end of the pendulum in that area.  As much as I have traveled around the world, I have by no means perfected the art of light packing (I just know my hubby is nodding his head in total agreement here).  No matter how hard I try to pack only the essentials, I somehow always seem to end up with that big red tag that says "HEAVY" when I check in my bags.  Dang!

Packing lightly is just not my thing, I guess.

Anyway.

Finally, the guy reaches the bottom of my suitcase, which is now almost empty.  He reaches in, and takes IT out.  The thing!  He holds it up for me to see.

Um, yeah...he found the culprit.

My computer mouse.  All that for a mouse. 

Finally, fully satisfied that I was no longer a major threat to the safety and security of his country and its people, he points to the floor where my many pairs of undies are lying at his feet for all to see, and motions to me to come on over and pick 'em up.

Oh my gosh, I totally got the giggles. These people need some serious training in how to operate that x-ray machine! A computer mouse for goodness sake?  Give me a break. It definitely was a bit of comic relief after a long journey. As I picked my knickers up off the floor I was very relieved that I am a stranger in this land and that I'll never see any of these people again in my life.  Otherwise, it could have been just slightly humiliating.

Aah, life is never dull, nor boring.

Today we spent the entire day getting all the paperwork finished to get Hailee and Harper out of the orphanage.  Wooohoooo!  Bring it on.

I laughed at how many of you mentioned the "three more sleeps" thing.  I so forgot that it is not an American expression. Sometimes I forget where I live and my South African-isms come out. Yes, we count things down by sleeps in the Southern Hemisphere.  Funny.

So, I can finally say...ONE MORE SLEEP!!!!!!

Yippeeeeeee!

Tomorrow I have an early start.  First stop--the orphanage.  Oh how I cannot wait to change my darlings into some of their very own clothes and take them OUT of that place.  Wow.  It feels surreal.  I cannot believe this day has finally arrived. What an adventure it has been to get to this point. Goodness gracious, it feels like we have run a marathon to get here.

I'll post pics just as soon as I can. 

Thank you for journeying with me, sweet friends.  You have blessed me more than you will ever know.

Love and hugs from the Ukraine--where I will not be sleeping alone tomorrow night.  Hallelujah!

Quick Update from Anthony

Hi, everyone.  I got a brief note from the fetching Mrs. Salem.  Adeye had to write it from an internet cafe in Kharkov.  She's run into some difficulty getting online.  As soon as she sorts it out, she'll give a detailed update.

And while I'm here, I want to thank you all for your prayers, your love, and your encouragement.  This past month and the month coming up are ones for the record books.  It helps SOOOOOOOO much having our arms lifted up by each and every one of you.

God bless you all,

Anthony

on my way again

My bags are packed and I'm ready for the final stretch to bring our girls home.  My dear hubby will drive me to the airport at 4:30 am. I have another long journey ahead of me.

Saying goodbye to my sweet children once again tonight was so hard.  I hate it.  I am tired of being away from them. 

But, I know this will be a much shorter time than my last trip to the Ukraine.  I hope to be home in about ten days.  Please trust with me that there are no more delays!

Thank you, Father, for the privilege of rescuing Hailee and Harper.  Thank you for trusting us on this journey. I know with all my heart that you do ALL things well, and that my only concern is to follow you with everything that is within me.

We're almost at the end of this long and stretching journey.  I can hardly wait.

Four more sleeps and Hailee and Harper will be ALL OURS!

following His lead

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I LOVED reading all your sweet comments on my last post.  Oh my goodness, and the e-mails with tons of questions regarding adoption, financing, special needs and everything else.  I am working hard to try and answer you all individually.  Hang tight if you're still waiting for an answer to your question--I'm getting there. It may take me a bit of time with everything else I have happening around here, but I will get back to you.

You guys get it--you really do!  So amazing. I cannot help but believe that God is up to something major in His people.  He is stirring hearts and mobilizing His Body like never before to care for the orphan.  I can hardly wait to see how the glorious body of Christ is going to rise up and be used by the Almighty Father.

As I read your comments and e-mails, you know the thing that touched my heart so deeply?  So many of you are willing.  You're willing to do something.  Anything.  You're willing, and so many of you are longing to adopt a child.  We're all just ordinary people longing to serve an extra-ordinary God with all our hearts, no matter what the cost. All God needs are willing hearts. That gives Him every opportunity to open the floodgates of heaven and provide finances and everything else that is required to rescue children.  He's just amazing like that.  Faithful and True is His name.

Thank you for journeying with me, friends.  I am so excited to see what the Lord does with this stirring that is taking place in the hearts of many.  Bring on the revival that will awaken the church to take up her God-given mandate to care for the fatherless.

Bring it on! I know that many, many, many of us are so ready to do whatever it takes to make a difference.

Life for me has been busy.  I'm talking crazy busy.  This week at home has been good.  I have managed to get quite a lot of packing done.  We will move two weeks after we get home with Hailee and Harper.  For those of you who have asked, Virginia will be home.  We're excited to go back to the city we used to live in.  We have precious friends there, and a very affordable home that the Lord led us to buy five years ago.  Little did we know at that time that some day we would need that house. 

It's a bittersweet move for our family.  We have been blessed with some wonderful friends here in Colorado.  We will miss them.  But we feel certain this move is from the Lord.  You see, we live at an altitude of 8500 feet above sea level.  We're very concerned to even bring our two daughters with poor hearts up to this altitude for a short period of time.  Neither Hailee nor Harper have had any heart surgery yet.  Hailee's unrepaired heart may account for a lot of the reason why she is so very tiny.  She will turn five in just twelve days time, but she only weighs sixteen pounds.  Sweet little darling.  

There are times in life when we just have to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, even when it is hard and uncomfortable.  We know this is God's best for our family. We know that we have to get our angel daughters to a reasonable altitude.  We will do anything in this life to give them every opportunity to flourish. Absolutely anything.

We're putting one foot in front of the other and following His lead.

And so life has been all about packing, getting ready to move, and preparing to fly back to the Ukraine on Monday.  After all these weeks of nightmare issues with this adoption, it is hard to believe that Hailee and Harper only have FIVE MORE NIGHTS left in an orphanage.  Oh my goodness gracious. I can't believe we are so close to having them home forever. So amazing.

Love and biggest hugs to every single one of you--precious women of a Mighty God.