Phew, friends. I never imagined that my post here would open up such a can of worms. My inbox is flooded with e-mails from amazing people sharing their trials, their heartaches and their road to forgiveness after close friends and family have let them down by not supporting the call on their lives to adopt a child. Truthfully, I read the comments, the e-mails, and ponder the things that we personally are dealing with, and my heart just cannot comprehend it. Like I said in my post, I always heard stories of this kind of rejection, but I never imagined it to be so common, so ‘normal.’ It truly breaks my heart.
This week sure has had its challenges. Oh, the comments we get…you gotta love it. Like this, from a woman my hubby works with…
Anthony: “We’re going to Eastern Europe to adopt a four year old little girl with Down Syndrome…she is not doing well and we really need to get there as soon as possible.”
Woman: “Oh…you know, when you adopted Haven it was all very exciting. But Anthony, when is this all going to end?”
Huh?
Oh, and I love how many people tell us that we need to do everything in our power to try and find a family in Hailee’s country to come and take her into foster care. What in the world? Do they not understand how detrimental that would be (even after we explain it)? Do they not get it when we tell them that she will surely die if that were to happen? Do they not get it that we are talking about extreme poverty-to the point where they cannot even feed themselves, let alone another child. Oh, and that any money the government pays them to foster a child goes to alcohol and that’s why they take the orphans! That is a fact. We could talk till we’re blue in the face-they just don’t get it.
And by the way-if one more person feels the need to tell me that there are so many orphans in this country, and that we should adopt one from here I think I’m going to scream. Trust me on this one thing, if God wants us to adopt from America, He is more than able to tell us that…and we have ears wide open to hear Him. But this brings me to another point: God often puts passion in us. If you got the passion, you got the mission. Go for it.
People often ask us what to say when we get asked all these questions. The answer? Nothing. For one, there simply are no answers that would make any difference at all. And secondly, God is our advocate. He is more than able to fight our battles. Getting into conversations that people have no understanding of is just completely futile.
“The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned” (1 Corinthians 2:14).
I could go on and on sharing some of the ridiculous things we hear daily. But, it does not matter. My eyes and ears have been so opened to the things that so many of you are dealing with or have dealt with. And it breaks my heart. It should not be this way. I have no idea whoever gave people the right to tell me (or anyone else) how big my family should be. Whoever decided how many children is enough? Or how many children is the right number? Only the Almighty! He is the only one who has permission in our lives to lead and guide us in this.
I will say that I find it so very interesting that every single time we come up against people who are unsupportive of what we are doing-they are those who have never adopted a child before. Never adopted, never fostered, never even helped out an orphan-but they feel the need to tell us what to do, or in our case, what not to do. Go figure!
To the rest of the world, we may seem like complete fools. And that is perfectly okay. The comments bounce off us like water off a duck’s back. Nothing penetrates, try as they may.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers (and sisters) whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance” (James 1:2).
We’re finding the joy in it all. Our joy comes from knowing that someday soon we will hold this broken little being, she will have a new name (which means Heroine), she will be loved and treasured like there is no tomorrow, she will receive every bit of medical care that she so desperately requires, she will be surrounded by brothers and sisters to love on her, she will know that the words “Mommy” and “Daddy” translate as “love.” Most importantly, she will know the love of Jesus-the one who promised in His Word that He would come for her-and He did! Yes, pure joy.
On another note, I am counting my blessings after a crazy week. Like these darlings of mine. They’re like their mother-longing for the beach. So what do you do when you have a boat but no beach?
Blow the thing up, fill it with water, and pretend. And then, like we say where I come from “Bob’s your Uncle.” Or, in normal English-everything’s great!
How blessed I am.
You just made me smile! I love how real and honest you are and I love that the people that say stupid things are just making you fight harder.
So do you know you have me thinking non-stop now about these kiddos? I even said to Chris the other night that it doesn’t cost too much more from there to bring home a second child and he ask how many it would take for them to start being free. I told him I think 2 would be all I could handle bringing home at one time =). So can I go with you and bring a couple cuties home myself?
Well, then, I guess there’s a whole bunch of us that will be considered “fools” and I’m happy to have that label if it means I’m a “fool” for our Lord! I heard once that if every Christian in the world adopted one child, there would be no need for orphanages. Wouldn’t that be a miracle? But until then, bring on the big families…what a blessing they are.
Wow! I cannot cease to be amazed at people and their attitudes towards the orphan. How sad to be so closed to blessings! Yes, I have my own stories that are painful… Every sacrifice has a greater joy. In the end what does it matter what people said?! God bless you.
Standing with you and supporting you friend!
I am in shock at the comment Anthony received. We’ve gotten them before from those we love and from those we don’t know or barely know and yet still every time it amazes me how people think they can just say whatever is on their mind. Do they really think that the God of the universe needs them to intervene for Him? It gets uner my skin but here’s the thing, I need to learn immediate forgiveness. I am still working on that because for me, I admit I sometimes let the steam smolder around my head for a few hours and then go to my knees in prayer. For all those that rcv’ these comments I hope you join me in immediately going to your knees to the Lord. Satan would love it if he could attack us emotionally and then let it fester, wouldn’t he?
I’m not sure which command is harder for people to comprehend-
We are blessed with our Anthonys (mine goes by Tony)
to love and care for orphans and widows or to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world.
Hmmmm.
They go hand in hand. Really.
Last time my husband came home from war, all he wanted was to take his deployment savings and get a motorcycle. Today as he was leaving, we walked past a mighty fine Har*ley David*son. He said, I remember how I wanted one of those last deployment. And I said, yep and you got a son from China instead! And he said, yep. maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get a daughter from China this time around. Maybe I’ll get a bike when I’m a grandpa!
I love this man!!
Love this Adeye! Praying you continue to ignore the negative comments and you continue to seek and follow Gods will for your life. You are indeed blessed and such a blessing to so many.
They are so precious!! Hailee will fit right in!
We have been told by many people that we need to stop adopting..our family is too big…we can’t save them all…blah, blah, blah.
I finally started telling people that they could argue that out with God because He told us to do it. But of course, they don’t believe that God told us to…so, as you said, it’s futile.
These pictures are tooooo cute!! I meant to share something else when I e-mailed you. Our son, Joseph, who is almost 14 came to us as an almost 4 year old. He was mostly non-verbal. He made some sounds and tried to talk, but even his 2 biological sisters could not understand him.He has apraxia and is totally intelligible now with years of speech therapy.
I just found your blog (I like to check in at Reece’s Rainbow often)and I read Haven’s story. Is she from the Nanjing orphanage? That is where we adopted our dauther last year. I’m curious because our daughter has ankle scars too. I’ve never heard of another child having them. I can’t wait to follow your journey to Hailee!!!
Tara (fellow adoptive mom and sister in Christ)
My thoughts exactly! Love and hugs from a mama who understands and is walking right alongside you.
I am so thankful for the adoption community, which at least for me is almost completely online. Those of us who GET IT are so supportive, so prayerful, so generous…it blows my mind. And those around me who just don’t get it…those who even call themselves Christians yet think I am crazy for adopting again…I just feel sorry for them. To not experience the joy of adoption is sad to me.
I love all your posts…you write beautifully and Truth woven into each sentence.
Please know that I am praying for you and your sweet girl…the very girl who will bless your family tremendously…once she is finally home it will be hard to imagine life without her.
Do not let negative comments deter you… ignore them, they do not know what they are saying… I am amazed at how many people claim to be Christians then do NOTHING for orphans and hurting children or how many “Christian” have no problem aborting their babies also… it is a sad, fallen world… but the hope I have is in people like you and the other wonderful families that adopt and in my dear friend Andrea and the hope Reeces Rainbow gives to all these beautiful children…. Keep your eyes focused on the end goal and GOD!!!
Anne
Sorry that I have been AWOL for a while….missed all of the good news! Congratulations!
Can I just say that often people miss the fact that we live in a world that totally belongs to God. We want to divide it up into my country and that country. God has one backyard! He cares about children across the street and around the world. If one feels called to adopt domestically….great…thanks for being obedient. If someone feels called to adopt internationally…great…thanks for being obedient.
Adeye,
May God continually bless you with the wisdom and strength to go forth in the passion that He has place within you! I am standing in prayer and support for you and your family.
God Bless your whole family
Christy
These babies are blessed to have you in their corner. don’t let others and their harsh words get you down.
God will bless you and your obedience.
I have never found it easy to share my faith, but this adoption has helped. Since they already think I’m crazy, I tell them that for years I have prayed for orphans on photolistings, and asked the Lord to let us adopt. One special evening, He led me back to a little boy I had prayed for many, many times. This time He said, “he’s the one”. We had no way to afford the adoption, and my husband was unwilling. I gathered my friends to pray, and Andrea at RR set to work. Money began to filter into his account. After 6 weeks of fervent prayer, an amazing, anonymous donor wrote a check for $14k so that we could proceed. The other money that had been raised was divided up to help other orphans find their families. My husband was convinced that this must be God’s will for us, and we began the process. Most people don’t ask any more questions after that. I think they are afraid of the answer.:) It allows me to fulfill my promise to, “tell of YOUR deeds” (from Psalm 73). So many people are willing to believe our little “miracle” of provision. My prayer is to point them to the Source of that miracle and to get them thinking about orphans.
Oh my friend…I haven’t been on in days! I am SO sorry you are dealing with idiots! Er, wait, ignorants…yeah, that’s a btter word. Thank the LORD ABOVE that your heart is pure and you are following His commandment! You, my friend, ROCK!
And for what it’s worth, it doesn’t matter which country you choose to adopt from…if it isn’t the “normal” path to adoption (i.e. infant) it doesn’t matter. We were going domestically, through foster care and that was the WRONG path according to everyone else (all non-adoptive parents, mind you). So it doesn’t matter…if God says do it, do it with a smile, because you, my friend are being obedient! And THAT is pure joy!!
Love you, and can’t wait to see Hailee!
i LOVE the water IN the boat. It makes my kids’ days when we think of “crazy fun” things like that. *Yes, I’ve gone back to the beginning of the journey with hailee*
*Tammy (RR)