Haven has been part of our family for a little over two years now. She is ten years old. We adopted her after her first adoption failed--and she was left in China after five days of having a forever family. You can read her story here or here if you are new to my blog, or just click on her name on the navigation bar.
Haven is one of those children who waited and waited and waited for someone to come and get her out of an orphanage. Her story is heartbreaking. No child should ever have to endure what she did. Ever!
She is one whom many looked at and said (or thought), "She is never going to become anything in her life."
How WRONG they were.
I'm here to tell you that slowly but surely Haven is becoming EVERYTHING God created her to be.
She is blossoming AND growing. She IS learning.
Sure, things do take so much longer for her to get....but oh how she is trying. With all her heart.
For the longest time she and I have been working on puzzles together. We started with the easy ones--those with the little cut-outs that you fit the puzzle pieces into. It was SO hard for her at first. Even puzzles for an 18 month old, she could not do. But eventually, with much perseverance, she figured it out.
Recently we have been doing 16 piece puzzles. I started by fitting all the edges together and then encouraged her to fill in the middle pieces. It took so long for her to learn how to do it...but she did. Her brain is working. She is learning.
These days I can give Haven the same 16 piece puzzles and she can totally put them together herself.
Why is it such a big deal, you may ask.
Because Haven was written off as being "mentally disabled", "extremely low IQ", "retarded", "mentally ill", and "profoundly Autistic". To every person in the orphanage she was unworthy of even being touched (really!). To one family she was not the daughter they dreamed of having...so they returned her to her orphanage. And to the countless others who inquired about her while she waited on a waiting child list, she was just one who's future seemed bleak, hopeless really.
So much rejection. So much heartache for one little girl.
And so she waited for someone to come--for years!
God, in His great love for the fatherless, reached down and rescued this sweet girl from a life of absolute hopelessness. He set her in a family and knew that she would thrive there. Simply because that's what happens when children are in a family--in a place where they know that they are loved and accepted. They thrive. No matter what is "wrong" with them. It's just the way it is.
The Lord God gave Haven the "safe and sheltered place" He promised when He named her.
I am so amazed at how far Haven has come. Yes, the effects of PTSD are still there. Safety is still a huge thing for her. She absolutely has to feel safe and protected. After years of awful abuse, who can possibly blame her? I too would want to be protected if I endured what she did.
We still wait for the day when Haven will find her words. If it happens, great. If not, who cares? Being non-verbal does not make any difference. It will never define who she is. She is so content in her silent world, and that is perfectly fine with us. She makes no attempt to even try and speak. She just could not care less about communicating with words. No worries, sweet love. We love you just the way you are. We love you like crazy!
I can't even tell you what joy Haven brings to our family. I look at her and cannot help but think about the many, many children with similar "labels" who are waiting for a family to come for them. Children who are less than perfect (in the eyes of the world). Children who have struggled since the day that they were born. Children who live in conditions so heinous that anything "wrong" with them is exasperated. Children who, if just given the chance, WILL grow beyond all expectations.
FAMILY!
What a difference it makes in the life of a child.
I cannot imagine my life without this beautiful little angel in it. How blessed I am to be her mommy.
There really is just something about Haven.
56 sweet thoughts from friends:
She is so beautiful! What a blessing she must be.
What a precious girl! She looks so much like my sister.
She is SUCH a pretty girl. I know her heart is just as beautiful. What it joy it must be to watch her grow, inside and out, into the person God intended for her to be. Thank you for sharing Haven's story!
She is so Beautiful! Just looking at her eyes you can see so much. Im so glad that you found her and she found you.... amazing
Haven, Hailee and Harper made big progress. they have the family which it was necessary to them.
You are positive, give a lot of love, they receive the encouragement of all the family in their efforts.
Give a big kiss to Haven and also for Harper and Hailee.
Good job Haven
Oh Adeye! As I read about this sweet child I began to pray with my eyes closed. I heard God tell me to open my eyes and look at Haven's beautiful hands. I did and oh my goodness, they ARE so beautiful...long slender fingers. I can not help but wonder if she might be able to play the piano? This thought didn't come from my own head, but from a place in my heart. I can't really explain it other than as a "God nudge". Music might be a way for her to express herself in another way. I don't think I've ever commented here before but I feel like I was supposed to share that with you! I love your family and the way you all love Jesus so incredibly much! May He always poor out the richest blessings on all of you! (((HUGS)))
Anne B.
What a beautiful post celebrating your precious girl. She really is so precious. One afternoon spent with her captured my heart completely. What a precious jewel she is to the Father.
What a beautiful post. As someone who works with special needs children (of all different abilities)I can understand the stigma she receives. I also understand the joy of progress--(and an 18 month puzzle to a 16 piece? GREAT JOB!!!)and the feeling of great accomplishment. What a blessing both ways--her to you and you to her.
Stay Blessed,
Diane
Adeye, thank for the beautiful example that you have set. Watching how you parent, has really made me examine how I parent my three girls. Having met your precious Haven, I can see why the Father has entrusted her and your precious other darlings to your care (^^,). You are an awesome woman.
Have a blessed day
Lots of love
Niqui xx
She is just so precious. I love that beautiful smile, it lights ups her whole face and everything around her. Yes she is very special. Love Janelle
I have been reading your blog for a short while, and I look forward to your posts! I love reading stories of families that "get it"! We too are a Christian, adoptive, homeschooling, transracial, special needs family. at least that is the way the world has labeled us! To us, we are just a family! We love to see people that have a heart for adoption, and a heart for kids regardless of the label the world wants to place on them. They are perfectly made by a loving God....what else matters?!
Thanks for allowing strangers into your world! You are probably impacting more people in positive ways than you may ever know this side of heaven.
Sincerely,
Sherri
Haven is the perfect example of why children are called treasures. They each have special, unique gifts buried within just waiting to be nurtured to discovery.
The sparkle in her eyes and her smile say it all. Wonderfully written, Adéye, as always. Your love for your children is so evident! How blessed they are to be so loved - and how blessed you are to have them!
Absolutely beautiful.
She is so beautiful and what a wonderful story about the puzzles!! :)
And, may I just say, that Haven has GORGEOUS hands????!!!! She needs to be a hand model! :)
I remember watching Haven closely on our agency's waiting child list. I remember searching my heart over her so many times. Why would nobody would commit to her? I knew her history; I knew the labels. I knew the "risk" others perceived. I knew I was not eligible to adopt her, and in my heart, I admit that even if I had been eligible, the unknowns might have frightened me away. (How is that for honesty?). But her face called to me - there was something so innocent and tender about it. So when our online group decided to pray specifically for Haven to find her family, my heart pleaded with the Lord for just the right set of parents. The prayer offerings of the many who joined that effort must have been a fragrant aroma, becasue not so very long later, we learned Haven had a family - you. I can think of no better family for this sweet one. May all the days of her life be blessed by the One who created her perfectly, who knit her together, who protected her under unthinkable circumstances, and who has her name engraved on the palm of His hand.
Yes, there is something about that beautiful angel. Her smile speaks miles and she clearly has the safety and love that she lost for 8 years of her precious life. It's so wonderful that her family found her.
As the other commenter noted, what gorgeous hands (not surprising though- she is one gorgeous child inside and out).
Family makes a HUGE difference in the life of a child.
It is the way God designed it.
And HIS design is always best!
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings and love,
Summer
Thank you for continuing to share about your beautiful and amazing children. Yes !! It is amazing what a loving family can do. I think about it all the time when I look at our daughter and what a miracle she is - right before our eyes.
And congratulations on the puzzle Haven !!!
Haven is beautiful. How blessed you all are to have her in your family and how blessed she is to be there.
She's great, who needs words when you have a family that understands and loves you?
She is incredibly beautiful. You can just see the tenderness in her. What a blessing she is.
What a beautiful post! As I read it I kept thinking OK GOD show everyone who reads this post what the power of YOUR LOVE CAN DO! Not what we have done by saying yes to Your plan - but what happens when YOUR LOVE comes down and heals the brokenness of a child the world says was worthless. PRAISING YOU LORD for the work ONLY YOU could do through her perfect family. Trusting You for her voice and knowing it will come not a day too soon or late!
Love you Adeye!
Jill
What a beautiful post. Thanks for the update on Haven. She is so special.
So proud of Haven for conquering that puzzle! I know how wonderful those accomplishments are for her and for you. But most importantly, I know that seeing that smile makes it all worthwhile! She's a treasure!
She is a beautiful girl. Such delicate hands :-) I think it is a very big deal that she shows her abiblity to learn, because she has to feel safe to learn, and this way she is showing you taht she feels safe :-)
Hello Adeye. I don't even know this sweet little one personally, but it is so completely obvious to me that the Lord has created Haven how He wants her to be and that she is perfect and precious. Just by looking at her pictures and reading about her, you can tell that there is such light and beauty (in so many ways) in this sweet angel. She has experienced such horrors so early in life and it is abundantly clear that your family-- her family-- is totally in love with her and that she is thriving. I agree with you in that there is no need to push a child or yearn for them to be what others see as "typical". Haven is wonderful and her life means no less than anyone else's. Thanks for sharing about your sweeties.
Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of Haven. Great job on the puzzle!! :)
I apologize if this has been asked of you ad nauseum, but have you tried seeing if she would communicate with sign language instead of words? Of course every child's needs and abilities are unique, but it's just a thought :-) We use Signing Time videos with our kids and they adore it. I know that it is something a lot of families have used when verbal communication is difficult or impossible for a variety of reasons aside from deafness.
She's beautiful and amazing, and I thank God that He brought you together to be the family she needs and deserves <3
Beautiful post about a beautiful little girl and her beautiful family!! Love it!!
Oh Adeye - Haven is wonderful! She reminds me of my son, also adopted from China (at age 3). My sweet boy has cl/cp and suffers from PTST. He did not speak the first six months home. Then he started speaking at home only and was labeled as a selective mute. He had the voice of an angel!
That sweet boy would laugh with his friends, but silently. He never made a sound but you knew when he was laughing and happy (which was most of the time).
It will be five years in March since I first held him in my arms and he has just started TALKING outside of the home! He's still quite shy, needs lots of encouragement and still needs to sleep with me at night, but he does talk. It's very soft and tentative but it's beautiful!
My boy may never be a public speaker but he has gifts too numerous to count. He is a talented artist and uses this as his way to communicate. And, may I say - some days he talks so much at home, that I almost wish he would take a breath - then I stop myself and celebrate that rush of beautiful words!
What a blessing your Haven is!
It is so exciting to read about how well Haven is doing. She is such a precious girl. I look forward to reading more about how God is at work in your family.
She really is a beautiful little girl. When we were in China adopting our daughter in 2006 there was a family who came to adopt a little girl who ended up being autistic and they did not feel they could adopt her, so she went back to the orphanage. I have always felt so heartbroken for her. I am so glad to see people who will step out in faith even when it is hard. You are an inspiration.
Karen
What a beautiful post! You are so blessed. :)
What a beautiful smile your girl has!
Blessings,
Suzanne
Haven has such strength and beauty and wisdom in her eyes. She may not process things in the same way as others, but she has such incredible power in her silent gaze.
I have a picture that Caleb colored for Haven on the day we were moving from Colorado. I stuck it in the glove box of my car for safe keeping. Do you still have my email? If you send me your address, I'll mail it along. It was his best coloring to date! That was in May and he only met Haven that one time in February. But he came up to me and said, "This is for Haven." I nearly cried. She is a special girl and even my 3 year old could see it.
From someone who has had the privalige to know Haven, all you said about her is so true Adeye. She has such a precious spirit about her, and that smile will just melt your heart. She is so full of joy and happiness. I just love her.
Hello Mrs. Adeye,
My mom www.sixoliveplants.blogspot.com introduced me to your blog. I have really enjoyed reading your posts. Your children are precious, and just for the record... you ARE quite the writer!:>)
Blessings,
McKenzie Elizabeth
She is such a lovely little girl, and you can see in her eyes what an extremly special spirit she has. You are all so blessed to have each other, and it is obvious that she is right where she is meant to be. I feel that I am blessed just to know of her. to see her spark, to know her potenial, to see hope come to life. Miss Haven, with the help of her Mom is bringing light not only to the hearts of those to know her, but to others around the world. Thank you for sharing Haven with us.
I've read Haven's story before and I remeber thinking it was a miracle that she was even alive. It is a proven fact that children cannot live and grow without human touch and interaction. That she survived being ostracized and neglected on such a basic level is a testament to her courage and will to live. You can see the light shine from her eyes, she is a jewel.
Adeye, that's wonderful news! I have no doubt that Haven is a very special little girl.
Out of curiosity, has she ever spent time with an animal -- a dog, cat or similar? I ask because she reminds me of a little girl (who had a very similar history, also non-verbal) whom I worked with as a therapy dog handler.
We saw miracles happen with this child! This little girl found such connection with animals -- she was so gentle and loving and with animals, words aren't necessary.
This little girl was non-verbal as well, but a few weeks into therapy, she found her voice! Her first word was the name of my dog; she was asking for him! After that, she started using words on occasion, but the big break-through was sign language. She began signing. She was just so excited to tell others about her experiences.
In any event, I'd definitely recommend trying Haven around animals. It sounds like she could find a lot of enjoyment there (and perhaps a future profession! The little girl I worked with went on to volunteer at animal shelters, she also worked as a dog walker for the elderly and as a pet sitter and she loves every moment!). Even if the animals don't help her find her words, it's possible that she could find a lot of joy in an animal, as she'll quickly find that words just aren't necessary in the animal kingdom.
Anyways, just thought I'd throw it out there! ;-)
-M.C.
You accept her and love her unconditionally as the Lord loves us. May your family continue to be richly blessed. And it is more than obvious what a blessing she is to you.
You make me cry! Tears of happiness!
Love,
Annerieke
The Netherlands
I read that she doesn't use sign. Have you tried those programs where she can touch a symbol/picture for something(like 'juice') and the program "speaks"?
Just curious.
And how Blessed we are to know her through you - she just looks so completely huggable!
aus and co.
Yay - a Haven update! Thank you!
What an inspirational post! Haven has the most perfect and beautiful hands! As I looked at the picture of her putting the puzzle together I just was amazed at how pretty her hands are.
Dannette
I watched the videotape of the Alaska mom forcing her Russian-adopted son to drink tabasco and take a cold shower. Her tone and attitude toward him horrified me. I was wondering what your take is on this situation as you've adopted international children. There are reports that Russia is watching this situation and it could hurt future adoptions.
How do you discipline your children? You seem to shower much love on them but what do you do when they misbehave?
I've been reading your blog for the last six months and I can't even begin to tell you what an encouragement your words have been to my husband and me. Through your posts, God has completely opened my husband's heart to adoption. We have three little folks at home now and we can't wait to see how God grows our family. Some day in heaven, you will get to meet all these precious little ones who were adopted because you chose to write about the burdens that were on your heart. God bless you and your family.
Oh what plans the Lord must have for Haven to bring her through such a rough start! She is going to do mighty things! You can see it in her eyes. Sheri
~Tears.~ She's beautiful!
She reminds me so much of my sweet Harper. My Harper is what I call a product of no expectation--everyone thought she was "retarded" and so no one spent any time working with her. She doesn't, therefore, talk (she does babble), learned to walk at 3.5 years of age, and a host of many other things. BUT, God is working with her and we're working with her too. She's healing and she too is learning. Time, time, time.... Thank you for sharing your Haven with us all.
Love, love, love sweet Haven, Adeye!!!! You are truly blessed with this beautiful soul!!
Haven is beautiful and perfect- a precious gift from God!
Oh Adeye, she is so beautiful and so precious . . . and I second the comment about music. Check into the Suzuki method of violin (or piano) playing . . . that may be a good option for her. The Suzuki method has been very successful in teaching even very young children to play if you have a good and gentle teacher. Her hands look like perfect violin hands! I also would love to get in touch with you personally if you don't mind. I didn't realize until this post that Haven didn't have any speech. We are in the process of adding a 6 year old with no speech to our family. I would love to have someone for encouragement and support if you don't mind. God bless.
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