Blessings come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Some are large, others small. Some are financial, others the kindness shown by someone who cares. Blessings are God’s way of showing His love.
Our family has been blessed. Without a doubt. Over the years God has changed us from the inside out. The things that used to be important to us-big homes, nice cars, fancy vacations, well…they just don’t matter anymore. The Lord has turned our hearts toward home-toward the place where He has showered more blessings upon us than we could ever have hoped or imagined ten years ago.
Those blessings have come through opening our hearts to adoption.
When I recently asked if any of you had any questions you would like me to answer, many asked me to share about Haven. I have shared our journey with Haven often here on my blog, but because so many asked, I am happy to give my perspective on raising a child who is non-verbal.
It is hard for me to believe that sweet Haven has been home for twenty months already. Where in the world does time go? She is fast approaching her tenth birthday. We adopted Haven after her first adoption was unsuccessful. She was only with her first family for five days and never left Chinese soil. Haven waited for a family for three years. That’s a long time on a waiting child list.
I so clearly remember the first time I ever saw a photo of her. As I looked at her angelic face, all I saw was blessing. A call to the adoption agency to find out more about her broke my heart in two. “Profoundly delayed”, “autistic”, “non-verbal”, mentally ill”, “small for her age”, “attachment issues” were what I was told. I heard her heartbreaking story and wept for her that day.
The face that stared at me from my computer screen said nothing but blessing. The labels-they didn’t matter at all. Anthony and I knew that there was something so special about this little girl. We knew she had to be rescued. We felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit telling us to get out of our comfortable little boat and walk where we had never dared to go-into the world of adopting a child from a disrupted adoption.
To say that I was terrified is an understatement. Goodness gracious, on the morning of our gotcha day I was a mess. I wondered if we were about to do the craziest thing we had ever done in our lives.
We were. Life for our family was about to change. But not in any way I had feared. No, life was about to become better. Richer. More meaningful. More beautiful. More complete.
All because of one little girl who so desperately needed us to come and get her. A little girl who needed a “safe and sheltered place” as her name means.
Haven has come so very far in her twenty months home. We adopted her just a month before her eighth birthday. It was more like adopting a one year old. She could not change her clothes, eat from a spoon, use the potty, or do any simple things a toddler can do. She was so fearful of everything. If she sensed danger she would cower away in a corner, with her hands up at her face as if to protect herself. It was pathetic. She was so desperately delayed. But we understood why. The little girl who was locked away in a room, away from most of the people in the orphanage because they were afraid to “catch” what she had (non-verbal, delays etc)-had never been given an opportunity to learn and grow. How could she possibly be anything but delayed?
We understood completely. Haven was going to have to learn…slowly. Indescribable physical abuse not only left her with physical scars, but deep, deep emotional scars too. Safety would be the place to begin on the road to Haven’s healing. She did not trust people. They abandoned her and let her down. They hurt her physically and emotionally. Getting her to feel safe with us was our top priority. School could wait. Therapy could wait. She needed to feel safe before anything else could happen.
Slowly but very surely Haven began to feel safe. She began to come out of her shell, and as she did, we saw the sweetest personality emerge. She began to learn many new things, most of them faster than we could ever have hoped for. She started to blossom like a flower in the springtime. It was a beautiful thing.
She felt safe! Her healing had begun.
Today Haven is doing well. She still does not speak. Nobody has been able to give us an accurate diagnosis. It could be PTSD. It could be Apraxia. The only thing we are positive of is that it is NOT Autism. The diagnosis in China was hopelessly incorrect, which we knew just from looking at her referral pictures. Haven is learning and growing, but it has to be at her pace, not ours. We take things ever so slowly with her. Home is her safe place-it is where she does best. Public school is not an option for her-she feels threatened and afraid when there is chaos or if she is picked on or bullied. We do everything possible to shelter her and keep her feeling safe.
Has it been easy? No, not all the time. But it really has not been nearly as difficult as we thought it was going to be. There is such truth in God’s Word. When He promises to NEVER give us more than we can handle, He sure does mean it. Raising Haven has been nothing but a joy for us. She will not use sign language, but she communicates with us in her own way. We have learned how to meet her needs. Haven is happy, content, smart, and an absolute blessing to our family. She learns new things daily. She is eager to learn and tries hard. We cannot imagine our lives without her.
Some of you asked me how having a child who is non-verbal has affected our family. I can honestly say that the negatives have been so few and far between that I cannot even remember them. Our children are all amazing with Haven. I don’t think they can even recall what it was like when she was not a part of our family. God just works it all out when we’re obedient to answer the call on our lives.
Will Haven find her voice some day? We’re hopeful that she will learn to use words. But you know, even if she never does it’s quite okay with us. We honestly don’t get hung up on whether she will, or will not, find her voice. It is just a non-issue around here. Obviously we pray that she will, and we will continue to give her every possible therapy to help her learn how to speak, but if Haven never speaks, it’s perfectly fine. We have no expectations. We love and cherish her just the way she is. Who needs words anyway? Some days I look at her and I wish that I too would speak less…and listen more. I am learning so much from my daughter.
We are so blessed to have Haven in our family. When I consider what would have happened to her if she had remained in an orphanage, I go cold. I cannot even go there. With all the “mentally ill” labels that she was cursed with, her future would have been bleak. She would literally have had no hope in a country where people with “needs” have no worth or value. Oh my goodness, I cannot even imagine.
What I have learned through adopting Haven is that every child has the potential to learn and grow. Every. Single. Child. Labels given to children in orphanages really mean nothing, most of the time they are so inaccurate anyway. No child can grow to their full potential in an institution. I get so heartbroken when I see how many children there are waiting for families with “developmentally delayed” written beside their names. The truth is that ninety percent of children waiting in orphanages are “developmentally delayed” in one way or another. It’s just the way it is. It is NOT a reflection of all that they can become if given the chance to be part of a family.
I just have to look at Haven to know that I know that…
Our daughter from China is now 6 she has been home for 3 years. I believe she was abused at her orphanage too. She remembers being told not to talk. they did not let her or other kids form relationships. She says they were told,”No talking , Bad girls, no talking….bad, bad to talk!” she was very fearful. I think she would have ended up like Haven if she had to stay in that place as long as Haven did. I am so happy for her!
She truly is a blessing to all who get to lay eyes on her and spend even but a few moments with her. I too wish I’d spend less time talking and more time listening. Thank you for the reminder of how those with labels can become “unlabeled” so quickly once they’re in a loving family!!
Love, Kristin
She is breathtakingly beautiful! Joe works every day to encourage people in education to see past the labels & obvious difficulties to the gift within that EVERY child has. Bless you for providing an environment where your children feel safe to explore & discover their inner treasures! :o)
What a sweet little girl you have in Haven. She is just beautiful and looks so happy. It’s hard to believe she has any problems. I’ll bet the day will come when she will say something and surprise you. If anyone can help her you can.
Adeye, you and your family are so special…the love you all have is very evident even in your boys. I feel priviledged to be able to read your blog and follow you on Facebook. Just wish this old lady could give you all a hug. May God richly bless you in all you do in His name.
Yes, it does. (change lives)
Thank you for sharing your treasures with us Adeye.
Such a beauty. You can see the light in that little one’s eyes. Praying that one day, in one way or another, she does find her voice. I bet that she has much to say!
Such a beautiful post, much of which I could have written myself about our dear Abe! Teaches me so very much without uttering a single word. That smile says it all.
She is precious.
My 9 year old has apraxia. He doesn’t speak a lot. Or rather, he doesn’t say a lot of words. He makes noises all the time.
He gets his point across without words. He does use signs however which has helped tons.
I can completely see how Haven is able to communicate. As moms you just know what your child wants/needs.
She is so pretty!
What a beautiful treasure you and your family have unearthed in Haven!!! She is too beautiful. xxx
Oh she is so gorgeous! That smile!!! You wrote so beautifully about her. I am so glad that she feels safe.
I once had a foster child in my 1st grade class. When her soon-to-be adoptive mom came by for a conference and asked how she was doing we were very honest. She can’t read. She’ll need to repeat 1st grade or be tested for special ed. These were the facts of public school. Two years later we got an update on that sad little girl. She was taking ballet and reading on grade level and doing great. Her new dad said, “It all has to do with self-esteem. How can they learn until they have the other things they need?” I would have agreed with that statement before, but to see such a transformation in a child truly is amazing. You cannot underestimate the power of a loving home. So true.
Beautiful!
Thank you for sharing Haven’s story. It’s easy to see she is a precious, beautiful child.
Not only is she such a blessing, it’s plain to see, she is so beautiful! Praise the Lord that she is in your family!
She truly is SO beautiful! Thank you for giving voice to her story.
lovely pictures of Haven
I was wondering, that Haven might not feel comfortable using sign language, because she knew that it is an unnatural language that the family is doing specifically for her, which makes her self conscious and awkward?
But with Hailee and Harper, I’ve read that children with Down Syndrome are able to pick up a lot with sign language… if the whole family uses sign language to help Hailee and Harper, it might free Haven to observe and use it naturally without feeling like the spotlight is on her?
Just something that I thought of, since I’m deaf and sign language is my native language, as my parents and siblings are deaf. When I taught deaf children in schools, I’ve seen some deaf children feel awkward and unwilling to use sign language, because (from my observation) they sensed that their family (who can hear) just uses it for the child only, so it is like magnifying their difference (deafness)… but I feel that if the whole family uses sign language as a part of every day conversation with each other whether or not the child is looking on, like a second language, then it will give the child less pressure and they might feel comfortable seeing sign language and end up using it unconsciously.
Just my two cents, of course, every one is different. I am glad that Haven has found her perfect family who accepts her for what she is
The recent comment I made, I realise the last sentence could’ve been better with “…accepts her for WHO she is”… (English is my second language and sometimes reading back, I realise there’s little things that could’ve been worded better)
She is so beautiful. Her joyful spirit shines through in these pics. Praying that you all get the blessing of her finding her voice!
Thank you for sharing!!! That Haven is absolutely GORGEOUS!!!
She is so precious. I am leaving for El Salvador in a couple weeks… I am nervous only for myself and the way I will hurt. For we are working only in orphanages. Some of which are “special needs”. I can’t wait to be there but selfishly I worry about the way it will hurt my heart. I know my eyes have to been opened to that. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Proving that adoption does change lives!! I can’t wait to be able to adopt one day! Check out my blog sometime… meranyjo.blogspot.com
Thanks again! Your family is perfect.
Oh Adeye. Your sweet Haven just touches my heart so. She is the reason I found your blog and started following along and I am so very glad I did and feel incredibly blessed to have found you. Haven truly IS a testament to the difference adoption can make in a child’s life. Thank you!
She is stunningly beautiful, Adeye. Truly. What a precious treasure.
OH SWEET FRIEND, thank you for helping me deal with some emotions tonight.
loves,
Shonni
Oh, she is just sooo beautiful! I think we all could use that lesson more often! God is so good! What a blessing she is to many and will continue to be! Thank you for sharing your sweet children with us!
Wonderfully long and beautiful posting singing the praises of your daughter. My son is also non-verbal. He communicates louder than words and more clearly. I’m so blessed that I was lead to your blog.
She is beautiful,and precious.
What a blessing !
beautiful little haven! my husband and i have inquired about another little girl and haven is what we would like to call her Lord willing if all works out. =)
Haven is stunning! A gorgeous little girl with an equally gorgeous spirit, I am sure. Thank you for sharing her story. It is truly amazing, as are you and your entire family!
All the best,
Nicole A. in OH
This sweet girl of yours is so beautiful! The smile on her face and the peace in her eyes express how deeply loved this child is.
Adeye I tell so many people your story about your adoptions and I thought of you the other night at a fundraiser we attended for Misericordia that supports and houses children and adults who are developmentally disabled or have down syndrome.
It’s an amazing place that was founded by a nun. I will be going to this facility within the next two weeks to volunteer and can’t wait to meet some of the residents there. At the fundraiser some of the residents sang and played insturments, it was so touching.
I love your posts and you have such a great family.
Blessings to you all.
I’ve never commented here before, but I just wanted to let you know that I handed out pictures of Yuri to our ladies Bible study group tonight. We are praying hard for a family to find their way to him. He has captured my heart…
Thank-you for being their voice.
She is sooo beautiful and what a testimony to God’s awesome love. Love the pictures of her. She is soo sweet. Wish we could meet all the new additions. Love Janelle
It certainly does!!!! It is rocking my world in China right now!!!!
She is so beautiful. Peace and joy just radiates from her face.
Michelle
What a BEAUTIFUL story …
about a BEAUTIFUL little girl …
and a BEAUTIFUL family.
I am sure that Hailee’s story will be similar … a little girl locked away in a room, deemed a burden to society … until the Lord picked her up and placed her with a family that saw her potential … that knew how to love her without expectations …
Can’t wait to read the rest of the story … in the years to come … of each of your BEAUTIFUL girls.
Your family is an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your story.
Hugs!
Laurel
What a great post! She is such a cutie and has grown up so much lately. I love her smile!
I love how you are obedient to the Lord and he rewards you so wonderfully with these blessed children!!
*Tammy (RR)
Oh dear,
Her face speaks so much! Her smile gives testimony of the love she is receiving. Thank you for this post, adoption is the ONLY way for children to receive the love and care they need and deserve.
Marie-Claude
My word, Adeye, she is so pretty and expressive with her eyes and smile. So glad you did not give into fear but walked forward to meet her where she was. Praise God for Haven’s growth and confidence and for every smile that breaks across her face!
Lisa
When I look at the pictures of that lovely little girl I would never have believed that she was delayed at any time in her life! She is obviously brilliant - she glows with intensity!
In my ‘first life’ - I studyed psychology - earned a degree yada yada….but when it comes to an issue like this….maybe she just hasn’t found anything that she needs to say yet, maybe the switched just hasn’t ‘flipped’ - or maybe folks just need to realize that we all just can’t ‘do’ everything (if we did no one would get paid bazillions of $$ to play sports!)
Still - when I look at the joy and love on that childs face - just thank you guys for listening to His call and opening your lives to this darling child!
hugs - aus and co.
Your daughter is beautiful - inside and out.
Haven is beautiful! This is also a beautiful post to your daughter. You have done wonders with her, as you have done with all of your children.
I love how you share the beauty of your children along with the beauty of your photography…you capture their spirits perfectly.
You are a gift to so many…and to your children.
Thank you for opening your heart and then sharing it with us!
Blessings my friend!
Andrea
Oh my goodness is she absolutely stunning! AND YES A BLESSING!
I love your heart! I love how you share it here! I love the way adoption changes lives and certainly ours!
Hugs and much love!
Jill
Who shared some deep truths about the scars you spoke of here today
I have been very blessed reading your blog and following your adoption journey. We are getting ready to travel in 2 weeks for our adoption of a little girl with Downs and a little boy with another chromosome disorder. Your posts have helped remind me of why we’re doing this and give me courage.
Can you email us, as we will be moving to your area in October as my husband was offered a job there.
[email protected]
also, here is our blog-
http://www.childrenpreciousinhissight.blogspot.com
Bless you! So wonderful to see how well Haillee and Harper are doing. God is amazing. And also to see how God has restoring your Haven.
in Christ,
Traci
What a sweet angel. My daughter Linzhi Rose was adopted from China at age 3 and we were “warned” by our adoption agency that “this” child will never be independent and will be a “lifer”. None of this scared us. My husband and I both feel you can’t lable a child. With love NOTHING is impossible. Praise God sweet Haven was rescued!!
Many blessings,
Amy <><
You are an inspiration. What a wonderful heart you have to share with your children and, thankfully, all of us. God is good.
I cannot say enough about Haven. She may be non-verbal, but between her smile and the way she would interact during church or playtimes, she truly speaks volumes. What a happy girl and what a blessing to have in our lives for the time you were out in Colorado.
Love and hugs,
Shauna
Such a beautiful post about Haven! Such a blessing she is to you. I’m so happy that you found the courage to step out in faith and adopt her!
Oh Adeye, you certainly have a way of finding diamonds in the rough. Haven certainly sparkles radiantly now. What a sweet treasure.
God Bless,
Kathie
Im really digging your blog- adoption and special needs kids are just dear to my heart- and my professional life. Just an idea… Ive had nonverbal nonsigning kids do well (sometimes incredibly well) with technology based communication. In fact, the Apple IPad and ITouch and the many available applications have utterly rocked the special needs world giving many folks a “voice” for their very first time. Plus, these gadgets are considered cool by other kids. And, no, I dont work for Apple:)
I’m always saying “thanks” to you, Adeye, for all the things you share… but THANKS!
Love to you and Anthony and the kids-
The Jonas Family
xoxoxoxox
What a beautiful story and a beautiful girl. My daughter came home from China 18 months ago at the age of 4 and was labeled “developmentally delayed” Indeed she had no language and functioned below a 2 year old level in all areas at that time, but oh, the changes we have seen in her since she became part of our family. She is now a thriving first grader who has caught up to her peers, and she is our greatest miracle and blessing. It is amazing what the love and security of a family can do, isn’t it? Your family is beautiful.
Angela
http://www.myadoptionwebsite.com/maili
What beautiful pictures of Have, her smile melts my heart. Thanks for sharing her sweet story with us. What blessings a family can offer when a child has the chance!
Thanks friend,
Gayly
Oh! Sweet Haven is absolutely stunning. She has such love and joy on her face in these pictures. Your family made that possible, Adeye. You were obedient to what God was telling you and you rescued Haven from a sad, lonely life and filled her life with love and family. I love seeing how adoption is not only life saving, but life changing. Haven is a treasure…Thank God He led you to her.
Blessings,
Barbara
One thing I’ve always been curious about - does Haven make any noises at all, or is she completely quiet?
Bless you and your family.
SUCH a beautiful story.
Our Ethiopian sons came to us via disruption, after spending a few days with thier adoptive family. The family complained that one of my sons was autistic, very delayed, etc.
We moved forward in faith (though I did feel a little nervous) and lo and behold, nope, he wasn’t autistic. He WAS developmentally delayed, but has since caught up and you’d never know anyone had ever imagined him to be autistic.
God is so good! Haven is beautiful, what a joy!
What a beautiful child! I thank your family for saving her. You are heaven sent!
What a wonderful post about your beautiful daughter!
I was speaking with my mother about you and your wonderful family and we both agree that you are such a wonderful example of Christ-like love.
I am sure that some of the development delays some children who are in orphanages have, have those delays because of where they are.
I am so glad that you were able to adopt her! What a blessing for Haven and your whole family.
I simply can not get over what a beautiful child Haven is! Her sparkling personality shines through that amazing smile. What a wonderful blessing!!
Wow! I am just reading through your blog for the first time and had to stop here and post a comment. We adopted our Little Miss K (age 5) through a disruption last year. She was orginally adopted from China the year before. She suffered the same traumas your daughter did… was labeled the same way… but is so “not” those things- either :). She is beginning to talk, uses some sign and we will start training her on a program called Proloquo2go.com very soon.
God is able to make beauty from ashes,
Kim
I am just so blessed today! Thank you so much for blogging your journey and sharing so much with us! You can just see Haven is happy now. Praise God!